For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

[pollyblue]

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope!

Allotment nah Nothing yet, but only sent a few hours ago. I hope I hear something by Monday, if not.........I think that'll speak volumes.

Loveis I think you've made a good point there - OP needs to believe she can really be herself around her crush, she's good enough just as she is to warrant attention and affection (obv if the crush is of a mind to give it.)

I also think there's a bit of anxiety because it is another woman and it's all new.

Likea...in response to your question about what to say if she asks why you're sad, maybe don't have any preconceived ideas about what to say, just try and gauge her reaction. You'll soon find out if she cares about you or not. Sounds like you've made an effort to be vivacious and friendly around her so if you suddenly shut down a bit she might take notice. She sounds like she blows hot and cold which must be very difficult to read. Most women are pretty intuitive so I think if she is at all switched on she must be aware of your feelings on some level so maybe it's time to protect yourself rather than putting yourself in a vulnerable position. I think it shows real strength of character that you asked her out. Maybe turn it around and think she doesn't deserve you anyway. Don't waste your amazing energy on her if there is no vibe.

We seem to think there is a vibe. Although why I think it, I can't explain.

Loveis thank you for this deep thoughtful last post. Just very very recenly (only a few days) I started thinking on the lines of what you say, that it's actually a bit unfair not to respond to my efforts even on a friendly basis. Yes I know she's not obliged, bu tgenerally I have quite a healthy give and take mentality with r-ships, and I'm starting to feel that if what I'm doing doesn't touch her at all then maybe she's not so right for me (as a friend or more). With men it was actually the other way round mostly - I was careful not to give too much and if anything, had preference for taking more than giving in a way as I'm confident with men (I had a few fall in love with me). With her I'm not confident because indeed it's new and still 'weird' to me, but on the other hand I feel like giving to her much more than with men. I've actually started out very much 'myself' with her when I didn't know her. But in a way my confidence got eroded by lack of response and even sometimes her blanking me pretty much. I'm still puting the cheerful face on mostly, but it does hurt that she rarely asks how my day was or whether I'm ok (I asked her whether she was ok when she didn't look well but she wouldn't share - and nevr asks me). She does give me an occasional warm interested attitude, and that's what keeps me hoping as I tell myself she's not a gushy or girly type. But you may have a point.
As to being in her league - there are facts. Socially, I'm not. But - I have qualities as a person that she likes - she sees me as reliable, intelligent, and also I do look after myself appearance wise. Also there is the age gap and it's not inreasonable that she doesn't see me as he 'peer'. So I'm trying with her knowing all this might be an issue, but maybe she is being purely disinterested and in some way unappreciative. I was quite confident with her today, offered help with smth, but there was no different reaction, just nice and neutral, and her intuition - I don't know, she might choose to ignore it as sillyness.

But, Loveis - I will try to toughen up and act cooler for a day - let's see, nothing to lose anyway. I won't be TOO tough/offhand though, just will not intiate chat.

Her intuition might be saying "Surely not, I'm too old and the wrong gender." Which is bollocks, but that might be her intuition.

G, that's what i mean - she might disregard it as sillyness (whether on her part thinking that I'm attracted to her, or on my part having feelings). She's generally a VERY sensible, practical person the way she runs her life, and I heard her use the word 'sensible' as a compliment to a woman she knows. Her sensible nature may hugely outweight any 'silly' intuition. The thing is, I think we'd really complementt each other as I need someone sensible and organised andshe needs someone more emotional/less sensible - if of course she'd consider a woman at all.

By the way G - that's logic, not intuition (what you said) - she's not especially feminine so (logically, ha) not that intuitive.

Yes, it is logic.
Now I have a picture of her wearing a tweed smoking jacket and calling to hounds. Or is it going to hounds. Or going to the dogs.
I just don't think I could be attracted to anyone sensible.

well, she's not JUST sensible, she has a delicate vulnertable side that she doesn't show in public, but I've glimpsed. Despite her sensible nature I have the urge to look after her.

That's kinda cute.

It's riding to hounds.

I'm a mine of useless information.

"sensible" would definitely be a passion killer for me. I like a bit bonkers.

*vulnerable
she also has charm and great taste (not so much in clothes but love her home) and is v.intelligent (so not a typical tweedy woman)

We know, polly, we know !!!!!!!!! Has that cat on a lead answered your email yet?

polly - I'm talking about how she runs her life, very organised, but Ipersonally HATE unreliable over-impulsive people. With her I feel safe (or would feel if we lived togehter). BUT she has depth/sides to her personality - with friends she's not just sensible, she has a lot of charm. I'd never fall for someone dull or one dimensional.

No she hasn't

Living with a woman is totally different from sleeping with her. I have to warn you now.

polly I really think she's not bi - at best she wanted an ego boost from you, knowing it's safe and that she won't go further. She did actually TELL you she wasn't gay (if she had doubts, she wouldn't, she'd go on a date and see how she felt).

G40 - you can say this about a man equally. I could live with her, weird but I know that, I fantasise buying a house togeher (if she wanted me).

and anyway, G, for all your warning, you haven't run away from yours !

The only thing i haven't quite worked out is whether she's cold or warm deep down (especially physically speaking). Not obvious.

OP, yes the logical part of my brain knows that, but what confuses me is - why ask me for a drink now, a good 9 months after it was last mentioned? We saw each other quite regularly last autumn/winter, she was always friendly but didn't ask at any time then. If anything she was friendlier towards me - I was still feeling a bit of a berk for having the hots so badly for a straight woman, so kept my distance more. She actually ran after me once, when she thought I was leaving without saying goodbye.

The only thing I know that's different now, compared to last summer, is that she's now officially single.

She knows I fancy her. I have no idea what she's thinking, and that's frustrating. But I still fancy her. Bugger.

.....and i think she's busy enough with her life without needing to amuse herself by leading me up the garden path. I hope anyway!