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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

888 replies

pollyblue · 16/03/2012 19:04

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope! Grin

OP posts:
Gay40 · 08/04/2012 15:36

A hiding to nowhere is about right. I've not told her to her face that I wouldn't be interested even if I was single because she's not my type, but if she overstepped the mark I would. In real terms it has no impact on my daily business.

I think Polly's woman is in denial and will eventually give in. And Likea's is playing the fishing rod game, without realising.

Original poster
pollyblue · 08/04/2012 16:31

I've just had a brief but very funny reply from WIQ, to my email of last night saying 'look, I'm not trying to turn you, alright?!'.

She doesn't actually say very much, but it's made me laugh a lot and breath a bit of a sigh of relief.

OP posts:
Gay40 · 08/04/2012 17:51

Does it show a picture of Thatcher with "The lady is not for turning" on it?

Original poster
pollyblue · 08/04/2012 17:53
Grin
OP posts:
Gay40 · 08/04/2012 18:04

So have you got that date and time yet?????

Original poster
pollyblue · 08/04/2012 18:54

No, but she ended with 'see you soon' (rather than "bugger 'orf") so it looks promising....

OP posts:
teedeeuk · 08/04/2012 19:23

Just catching up from last night. Polly, I reckon that should you ever go for a drink with your WIQ that things will 'happen' in a good way.

TooManyOddSocks · 08/04/2012 19:37

Like No I don;t think you come across as an idiot at all. I remember your initial thread too and it didn't seem to me that your WIQ was interested. Sorry.
Gay I imagine there are many lurkers on here Grin
Loveis Happy Easter [busmile] Everyone has a story surely Wink

likeatonneofbricks · 08/04/2012 19:46

polly - ok, I see what you aer saying. I don't agree that my wiq is similar to yours (or the wnhnole situation) because I'm in regular contact with mine now and even that gives more opportunity for progress, but more relevant is the fact she's never been rude to me (distracted but polite and usually better same or next day) and she's never stated she wasn't gay. That in itself makes her more of an unknown that your wiq. Also your wiq knows that you are bi or gay so the dynamics aer different, she knows you are interested and is on the defensive, mine doesn't know any of this. Yes, I agree I should tell her but as I said I'm scared to put her off any contact. I've chosen the slow path of seeing whether she make any steps - she esems a lot warmer than she was, with yours things are the same really, but of course I don't know if the warmth means anything more than liking me. The point is though, I'm only talking here about my situation because I've been asked and supported, and I'm writing for a small group of now friends, but I do feel loike a fish out of water and sensitive, so I wouldn't write if no one thought she could be interested - I would hen just write to G40 only if she's the only one positive, UNLESS something concrete happens that I can report. I'm happy to discuss the topic in general but with mine I was responding to requests to update, and the updates only make sense if a few people who I write for aer either positive or can give advice, if negative - fair enough but then what's the point of updates?
My wiq wasn't up for much today as she had a VERY boozy late lunch! she literally wasn't steady on her feet. There was some manic grinning when I attempted a chat and being ve-ery nice but she couldn't concentrate and went off to rest. She did offer to help with something later though in a slurry way. I wasn't drunk so I couldn't use the moment. We really do need to drink together.

likeatonneofbricks · 08/04/2012 19:49

Toomany, but how do you explain that G40 is optimistic? the hting it's impossible to convey everything on here, I can't describe subtle things that add up to a vibe. But I did stop that thread because I lost optimism, it's just in the last couple of weeks she did warm up (second round after the break) so I'm sometimes hopeful again. Can you say what makes you think she DEFINiTELY isn't interested? just curious.

teedeeuk · 08/04/2012 19:51

Yes, Likea-you do need to have a drink together!
Is that a possibility?

likeatonneofbricks · 08/04/2012 19:57

tee, so far - no, she needs to offer as I'm on her territory. As I say I think (in my positive momnts) that she's scared of the outcome.

TooManyOddSocks · 08/04/2012 20:05

Likea Ouch Grin Seriously though, I do understand that you only want people to reply who are optimistic for you.
I have found this thread interesting because although I am happily married to my DH now,I have had a couple of flings with women and had more than a few crushes. I also don't rule out a relationship with a woman again in the future (obviously only if I was no longer married Smile ). I imagine there are quite a few lurkers like me on this thread who have experienced similar.
I can't explain why G40 is optimistic, maybe she sees something that I don't. She obviously has more experience in this kind of thing than I do.
Obviously I can't say that your WIQ definitely isn't interested, only she can say if she is or isn't.

likeatonneofbricks · 08/04/2012 20:33

I think this thread is interesting anyway, it's not even my thread as such, so it's not that I only want positive responses, but what I mean I would only update if there is some optimistic outlook, otherwise I would only write about mine if there is some definite development - it makes sense. But I'd still be happy to stay and discuss the subject generally.

Gay40 · 08/04/2012 23:02

So maybe we should just have a general thread for women who are newly interested in women.

likeatonneofbricks · 08/04/2012 23:27

well we'll have to as this one will soon reach 1000posts. This IS already such a post, I didn't start it Wink. polly says she's not really negative as she explained, just doubtful, well that's fine by me. Nothing new on mine to say today (but i will take her up on her offer of practical help - will keep the lines of contact between meetings, next one will be towards te end of the month now). But we have been already discussing all sorts, so could continue!

likeatonneofbricks · 08/04/2012 23:28

such a thread, i mean

Original poster
pollyblue · 09/04/2012 00:13

Likea re the two of you going for a drink, you said "she needs to offer as I'm on her territory." Is that really the case, when you've known each other quite a few months now?

OP posts:
Gay40 · 09/04/2012 00:34

We know that if you are waiting for her to ask you for a drink, you'll be waiting a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time.

Did she ever say anything about the Valentine's card?

Crushinghard · 09/04/2012 04:19

A thread for women newly interested in women sounds good to me.
I've not seen my crush for 12 days now and it has been good for me. My craziness for her is subsiding little by little and becoming more rational. However it has made me realise I am definitely interested in women generally and not in men. I agree with sexuality being fluid but feel like mine has had a tidal wave in a certain direction.

Original poster
pollyblue · 09/04/2012 10:30

Yes I think it's time you aked her 'would you like to go to (name a pub/restaurant/whatever) next weekend/one night for a drink?'

I really don't think there would be anything wrong with you doing that at this stage.

I'd forgotten about the card - did she ever mention it Likea?

OP posts:
TooManyOddSocks · 09/04/2012 10:34

I agree polly. Even without the romantic side of things, making new friends means that one person has to ask the other one to meet up at some point or no-one would ever make new friends.

likeatonneofbricks · 09/04/2012 11:53

I did explain that she drinks (and has good wine) at home often - she offered drinks to friends/relatives when I was there, but she never offered to me, only tea, ha. It's just stange to say 'let's go out for a drink' when I mainly see her in her house and there is a lot of wine there. If there was anything about V-card I'd have reported it! the only thing is - I've seen it hidden under papers whereas most cards are on display. She didn't ask, no, I don't think she thinks it's from me. But we aer becoming more like friends as we now chat more and she's more open/more interested asking about me, as i say she has a busy social/family life so hasn't got that much time, but to compare wth previous small talk it's improved. I'm not aiming at friendship in particular, I want to see if more happens, so pretending I just want friendship is a bit dishonest, just trying to go with a flow.
Loveis I didn't know what 'gold star' meant either.

TooManyOddSocks · 09/04/2012 12:02

So if you are in her home and she has friends or relatives visiting at the same she will offer them a glass of wine but not you? That sounds quite rude unless it would be inappropriate proffessionally for you to have a drink at the time.
OK so you don't feel right asking her out for a drink, how about the cinema or a band? Have you noticed what sort of books/cds she has so you can invite her to something you know she is interested in?

Loveisthemessage · 09/04/2012 12:36

I was trying to resist going on the thread today but look at me I'm a complete addict.

Gay - i think your idea to keep thread going 'for women who are newly interested in women' (Part 1) is great. How many posters and lurkers are there on this thread now, I'm losing count.

Polly - I reckon you need to pin down your WIQ and see if you can give her a good tongue lashing (of sorts). If you end up working together after all, perhaps you can suggest going out afterwards.

Likea - is there not a new bar opening or newly opened in your area which you could suggest going to with your WIQ: "i've heard The Turning Tavern" is great, do you want to check it out with me...?" sort of thing. Or could you splurge on a bottle of fine vino and rock up to her place with it in hand, saying, "I've so enjoyed your company, I thought we could celebrate with this.."