For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

[pollyblue]

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope!

friend reminded me obv...i'm not drinking, honest.

Salt yes, def right email, and not going into her junk. She's just crap at replying

Polly - I know I go against the tide on this one but I definitely think your WIQ was sending out interested signals. Maybe the idea of a drink is appealing to her but she bales out when faced with the reality.

Allotment, there's someone with a good memory! (re teas)
polly - she may like you as a person, or may like the look of you, but you haven't that much in common (tastes, views on things) which LOveis is describing. I had many occasions with men when they give extremely strong vibes, over timetoo but never actually act on them. The person may like you, consider smth but if it's not strong enough (or in case of hetero women towards a woman, overpowering) this just doesn't mean much. She may also not want to be gay, for all her open mindedness, some people don't like the idea even if they may feel mild attractions. Whatever it is, her answer overall is very clear, and I think you still hoping - it pains me that you are wasting yourself..

When I had a drink (or 15) with my lady friend I told her "I'm not gay" but apparently added (or slurred) "yet.."

loveis i wish she would just say. I almost want to email her and say 'look, you started it this time!' because she needn't have asked - I was quite happy being vague friends and that was all. So she asks, I follow it up and try - gently - to pin her down to a date (not in the romantic sense) and she goes all weird again...

were you by the 16th drink?!

so, Lpveis, if she can't face the reality, what good aer the signals or thoughts (infrequesnt ones at that)? it won't lead anywhere if she doesn't WANT that reality. If she wanted it she'd at least dipped the toe in with a drink by now. Especially being made so welcome. pollly I think you should have told her that she was rude/insensitive, and if she contacts you again asking why you avoided work, do so.

Likea not I'm not hoping that anything will happen, but I am hoping that at some point I might find out what's going on in her mind.

And actually we do have quite a lot on common.

There's several reasons many of you mention going for a drink - to actually go out in a social situation, to relax in said situation, to get the other party to open up and talk about how they actually feel about you drink is good [bugrin]

drink is good It loosens things. Tongues....clothes.....

polly, well ok, you didn't mention that(things in common) - the fact remains that you neither became friends not gone on a date. When people aer interested in love orfriendship, they don't behave like this. As i said in the post above, she may have fleeting moments of anything in thoughts, but she obviously doesn't want the reality, it's her decision. She also not a nice person imo, but that's secondary.

Allotment - I 'm dreaming of that drink together, I actually suspect she deliberately doesn't offer (she had LOTS of opportunities, and sometimes drank with another person in front of me !) because she's worried what may happen, or even just getting closer generally.

polly she's not the type to share her thoughts, trust me, and most likely whatever it is, is lukewarm. You really need to try to move on, you may get properly stuck on her wondering forever. Ok, it just happened, but allow a week or so and please care for yourself and move on!

You're probably right there likea.... as polly's post says it loosens tongues and clothes.

Since we don't know your actual situation work wise with her I presume you are offered tea or coffee when you're there?

I'm more interested in the discussion of why straight women occasionally go on the turn, rather than who and why someone might be carrying a torch for me (put it down, you stupid girl).
Things I've noticed in conversation: questions about what I like - music and films sort of thing. I guess more personal questions than in normal conversation, but I hadn't noticed before. I'm a bit "ask a random question" myself so I put it down to that.

Sorry I'm not keeping up with things very well, I'm trying to do Excel.

Allotment - we don't work together, it's something informal, I can't say. I'm often at her house (well not often anymore but I was for 10 days recently, about an hour each day, it's partly to do with helping with her pets) at different times. Yes she sometimes offers tea but I make it myself most of the time. She does drink with other people (friends, relatives, not just visitors) or a glass by herself.

G40 it's not so nice of her chasing you knowing you are involved, is it (tut).

Pointless, I'd say. But she's always known I'm not available.

so far I'm still at an arm's length, but there is more chat than before, partly due to my efforts. SHe's more in my personal space than before also, in case you missed that comment, Allotment. There is more smiling too. Of course this could all be some sort of fondness but not attraction. How to tell the difference?

When you think you're straight and you take a sudden interest in women, it feels very inconvenient.

Understandably you can't say, it was just difficult to work out the drink or lack of it situation, more clarified now thanks. An Easter Egg might be a good thing to share this weekend

Likea - you might not agree with this (and hold onto your bricks) but I have to say, can you honestly be in love with your WIQ when she is not in love with you (as far as you know). I'd say you're infatuated as I personally don't think people can be "in love" unless its reciprocated.

Gay - I'm also fascinated by the turning of the straight woman. Do you know many? My lady f had a few flings with "straight" women and most seemed to know what they were doing. She thinks it's possible for any straight woman to be turned. Even if it's just a one-night-stand. It's about the connection and the chemistry. Some people find each other irresistible.

Allotment, I'm not a chocoholic i.e, it doesn't have that loosening effect on me - it has to be a drink. She's also much more talktive after a drink, Inoticed and in a mild mood, I think if we sat on the sofa and drank together something would have to happen, I feel at this stage it couldn't be stopped, at worst things would be clarified for good.