For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

[pollyblue]

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope!

Loveis, yes, but you've fallen in love whereas WIQ obviously hasn't so in her case it would be more of a decision to get involved sexually and that's called being gay - I use the word for simplicity, yes I know that for some women it's 'one woman only and no others' (and I'm not calling myself gay - mind you I haven't 'been' with the woman either) but with people who aer not obviously in love with one woman it's easier to use te term 'gay'.
SRS yes you were one of the originsal friends, as that's what we are now, I agree! good to see you again. the context was that when i visited her couple of months ago (my initiative) she offered me tea and said 'though I don't have those lesbian teas' to which I was mortified as I thought she meant 'teas that lesbians drink' and I wasn't prepared for open questioning whether I'm gay, I was also on a high jus seeingher. I really gone red and said 'sorry?' then she also slightly blushed and said 'we call them lesbian teas as they are not proper' - which was a relief as she didn't mean teas drank by lesbians, but I hated the term as indeed it's derogatary, as in 'not proper' implying that lesbians aer not proper women or smth, at whuich point I thought she meant she disaproves of gays, or at least definetely isn't one herself. But as i say my male friend though that was a hint. She never used it since, but my reaction was embarassement and I didn't dwell on it. He thought she wanted to start the topic - but i don't think so. If shewas being playful, it didn't work as i didn't know what the term meant.

I dread to think that my crush could be reading it! v.unlikely though. I mean it'd be good in one way, but some things i say aer cringeworthy!

The difference is that Loveis and her other half got to know each other, then fell in love. WIQ has never really got to know me - every time she makes an approach, she then back-tracks, so although we've known each other 2 years it's still pretty superficial, we've never really talked.

Hmm. Whilst I don't think she was testing you with the teas thing, I don't think she was deliberately being unkind either - just a moment of thoughtlessness, perhaps... Whatever she said then is not necessarily relevant now, anyway. Feelings grow/change. Is it tomorrow you're seeing her?

love It's complicated ;)

I agree, I don't want this thread to end! It's my only real outlet.

Likea - I didn't fall in love straight (?) away. It was a slow burn. Took a while for me to realise the woman was magnetic and for me to admit to myself that i had strong feelings. I thought we'd just be good friends. So what I'm saying is that while a woman might not consider herself gay, bi or whatever, it just isn't set in stone. Sexuality is a fluid thing - in my opinion. Or as I discovered.

And I was thoroughly straight. And married. And it just never crossed my mind.

Agreed re fluidity.

Never say never and all that.

Salt -- go on. We love and can handle complicated.

Not sure it's something I should explain whilst under the influence. Perhaps another day.

I wouldn't find the lesbian tea comment offensive, but it would wholly depend on the context and person. My close friends will say quite outrageously homophobic and innuendo-type comments in our private conversation, but wouldn't dream of actually saying it in public, or if they thought I'd be offended or hurt in any way. This is not because they are homophobic, but just because amongst my closed circle we do not have to worry about offending each other (political correctness out of the window).
The same comments from an acquaintance or a work colleague would provoke a very different reaction.

So, your woman must feel comfortable enough to make that sort of comment in your presence and not worry about offending you.

For anyone who's interested, can I just recommend You by Joanna Briscoe. Part of it's about a lesbian relationship which takes one party completely by surprise. It's beautifully written and the best book I've read in years.

There is actually another reason I'm kind of lingering about on this thread - other than the fact that I'm enjoying the company and the conversation and I hope it rolls on.
I am in the opposite position to Like" and Polly*. Even though I am very much attached and in love with Mrs G and not interested in the slightest, she has made her intentions known - but not directly to me.

G40 - who has made their intentions known? Are you about to add some serious spice to this thread?

Someone else, Gay?

Yes, someone else. However I'm very happy with Mrs G and not looking elsewhere.

Salt - Joanna Briscoe lives with a woman.
Gay - where have you gone? Leaving us with that cliffhanger...

How did the someone else make their intentions known? Likea is going to be right onto you and will say you must be a complete gay babe magnet !

Bloody hell Gay! [buenvy]

There's Likea and me practically turning ourselves inside out over one woman, and you're beating 'em off with a stick!

Love - indeed she does. Another writer, I believe.
Gay - how do you feel about it? Shocked? Flattered? Does this person know you're attached?

Loveis we aer talking at cross purposes, I understand about fluidity etc - how can I not understand if I'm in that unexpected situation myself? but I'm talking in the context of you giving hope to polly re wiq - you were good frioends with your woman and then got to know/love her, but wiq isn't good friend andit's been two yrs, so thier situation is nothing kike yours and wiq is not getting involved in any aspect. By the way how long did it take you? I wonder also what made you realise your feeling are strong - did you not see her for awhile and missed her maybe?
SRS, yes, I do hope that feelings grow, at leats she did get to know me over this time. That's my main hope..
g40 - remember that she doesn't know or think that I'm gay, unlike your friends with you. So her being comfortable maybe just being oblivious that I may be gay or attracted to her. And the thing is I haven't been, if she ever did ask 'are you gay?' (based on my vibes to her) I'd be very flustered, as all I can say is 'no, but since I've met you I'm not non-gay either'.

polly she's always been beating them off with a stick - I did say that maybe the best approach is never making a pass a la G40, they chase her. She refused to say how does she send the vibes.