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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

888 replies

pollyblue · 16/03/2012 19:04

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope! Grin

OP posts:
Gay40 · 05/04/2012 22:06

Ahhhh.... what has pissed you off? x

Original poster
pollyblue · 05/04/2012 22:15

It's a bit non-specific, but enough to make me think oh sod it.

Email she sent last night, cheerful and chatty, quite brief and littered with the usual kisses (I don't read anything into that, I think that's just her email style). I replied in similar vein and suggested a drink at the weekend.

Email from her today - few lines about about work, quite straightforward, no kisses and only reference to suggested drink 'no, I have work to do.' Like she was emailing someone she barely knows.

I was so bloody polite - in a lighthearted fashion - in my email, I can't believe there was anything in there she could've taken offence to. But her reply felt like someone had poured cold water on my head.

And I just think, I can't go through this again....

OP posts:
likeatonneofbricks · 05/04/2012 22:30

she is inconsiderate and possibly a player - she always sounded too tough/selfish to me. It's for the best that you see her for what she is, even though it's upsetting now.
Allotment, I do know that worry about children is all consuming! I just wonder whether that's what made her oblivious to my attebtion and then she warmed up once the worst has ended with her son. A bit of a shame that this coincided with out time in contact. It's another week or so for that sitouation to completely stop, but she's already more cheerful at least. But this was mainly to point put that children are her priority and may make her question how would they react to her getting involved with a woman (if she feels anything). Would you be stopped by your children's opinion?

Gay40 · 05/04/2012 22:41

Flaky and inconsistent. I'm not sure what to advise you on xx

AllotmentFreak · 05/04/2012 22:45

In that case Polly it's time to say bollocks to her, sorry but it's not going to work.

I have never been stopped by my children's opinion, and I have upset them a few times. This is my life and I will not allow them to rule me.

Original poster
pollyblue · 05/04/2012 22:48

Sad s'alright Gay

I'm just going to ignore from now on. I'm not replying to the email and, as I said in earlier post, going to ask to be released from work duties alongside her later on the month.

I'm just not confident enough in myself to shrug her inconsistency off.

OP posts:
AllotmentFreak · 05/04/2012 22:51

That's the problem Polly her inconsistency, you just don't know where you are with her and it probably shows in other areas of her life too.

My internet is playing up big time lost count of the posts I've written but can't sent IP are getting a blasting tomorrow, will try to catch up here then.

Original poster
pollyblue · 05/04/2012 22:52

I did say to her, when I emailed a week or so back asking if she was ok, 'i have no idea why you asked me to go for a drink'. She didn't answer that in her reply, just said 'I'm definitely not gay'. Well yes, you told me that already, so why the fuck did you ask me for a drink? I wish she'd answered that one.

OP posts:
Original poster
pollyblue · 05/04/2012 22:53

That's it Allotment, consistency is something i really value in friends and I find inconsistency really hard to deal with - it puts me on the back foot.

OP posts:
Gay40 · 05/04/2012 22:56

And inconsistency is a relationship killer for most of us.

likeatonneofbricks · 05/04/2012 23:05

well that's what flaky means - say something without meaning it, spur of the moment then thought better of it at best, play games/ self-flattery at worst. Don't spend too much time figuring it out as this just wouldn't help to know why exactly (no valid reason, just fickle-ness).

Loveisthemessage · 05/04/2012 23:34

Evening night owls.
Polly - sorry to hear about your disappointment. Sounds like WIQ has rapidly become Woman Out Of The Question. I think you're right to ignore her. Enough of her dilly-dallying. Time to move onto new pastures.
Likea - Thinking about your lady,. I'm sure at her age she is beyond worrying about what other people think.
By the way it's full moon in Libra (tomorrow) which might make us indecisive and unfocused. Probably not helped by not being able to sleep. Argh

Original poster
pollyblue · 05/04/2012 23:37

evening Loveis glad I'm not the only insomniac. And I expect Gay is busy beavering away too...

OP posts:
likeatonneofbricks · 05/04/2012 23:40

Loveis full moon also brings hightened emotions. I know other people generally is not an issue, but her children who she puts first might matter (their opinion).
Insomniacs? to me it's still early!

Gay40 · 05/04/2012 23:44

I am sort of here and sort of working. Yes to insomniac.
Polly - big hugs, no homo x

Original poster
pollyblue · 05/04/2012 23:49

Likea I'm up at the crack of sparrow cough with the dcs so to me, this is late! Smile

Thanks Gay

OP posts:
likeatonneofbricks · 05/04/2012 23:50

yes, I realise, I've always been an owl. How many dc's do you have?

Original poster
pollyblue · 05/04/2012 23:52

three, god love 'em

OP posts:
Gay40 · 05/04/2012 23:52

Are they early risers? DD is a late sleeper but not late enough

Loveisthemessage · 05/04/2012 23:52

My children are important to me but I wouldn't let that stop me having a relationship with someone. Like one of these wise birds said I'm sure if something happened witb you your lady would cross that bridge (telling her children or not) as she came to it. Pls excuse clunky English

Original poster
pollyblue · 05/04/2012 23:55

One is Gay, other two aren't thankfully. So it's usually an early start but not a full-on madhouse for another hour or so most mornings.

I look forward to their teens when (so I'm told) they won't stir before midday....

OP posts:
Gay40 · 05/04/2012 23:56

By which time I'll be wanting to get up early to make the most of the day Hmm

likeatonneofbricks · 05/04/2012 23:59

are they very young still, polly?thought they were teenage. It's great thoughthat you are busy right now.
Loveis, thanks that's encouraging. Dangerous dreaming though, I'm getting carried away.

Original poster
pollyblue · 06/04/2012 00:00

Yes they're young, 5yo and 3yo twins.

OP posts:
likeatonneofbricks · 06/04/2012 00:03

were you married till recently? hopefully you get support from someone with the kids. sorry if you've already mentioned.