For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

[pollyblue]

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope!

Polly's is about the same age

if she was for turning, she'd already give it a shot (of some degree) as she is single and she knows polly is interested, there was nothing to stop her. Instead she reiterates that she's not gay. Um, no, doesn't stack up at all, and I'm not getting the vibe as an observer.

I know, Loveis, I'm still 'passing out' having fallen for a woman myself! But in this case it's too hopeless as she hasn't even gone for that drink (you did - you were at least open minded) and she's single now, and it's been months! the point at least you were interested in the woman as a friend, but WIQ doesn't make an effort even of friendship, so what can ever happen? an odd email?
G, I think after 50 every 5 yrs makes a bit of difference, with hormones.

OOhh OK. I'm not at 50 yet, nor is Mrs G.

I know, G - you are both young and rampant

I DO wish

Sorry I vanished last night, internet connection blew up.

Likeatonne yes, I suspect you're right and she was just nailing her colours to the mast by reiterating "I'm not gay". However i do take a sliver of hope from Gay and Loveis. But not so much that I'm going to tie myself in knots hoping. I'm just looking forward to going on the lash for a civilised drink with her at some point. She's good company and we get on well so I'm happy to be friends.

Likeatonne she's in her very early 50s. I think one of the "issues" for her is - or was - that I have very young children, that she didn't know about initially. i was getting a really strong vibe from her when we first met - which surprised me because I thought she was straight - and that changed when she found out about the children, although it was still there to an extent. And that was when she did an about-turn on us going for a drink last year.

Polly - I take it your WIQ doesn't have children?

I still think it al sounds hopeful with WIQ. After all your children are a whole year older !

polly, well let's see if that drink ever happens! but please try and be open to other people for dating!
I don't know hwy children would put someone off if they are not looking for serious r-ship, if someone is juts curious or after casual, it shouldn't matter, she knows you do date. I'd also prefer that X had her children more settled (they are grown up but the younger one has been a source of stress to her recently) - I'm secretly frustrated that she os worried all the time and has no head space for much else, though I'd be the same in her place. THankfully the stressful situation is coming to an end soon so hopefully she'll be more herselg and relaxed. But still even like that, I wouldn't lose interest. Ans I AM looking for r-ship generally so her children can be an issue from the point of view that they may disapprove and simply she may not want to spring anything 'shocking' on them, I think it can be a big issue with her if it ever came to her having feelings for me. May be too unconvebtional for them and her friends also. And she's not reckless.

Loveis no, she doesn't have any children. She's quite child-friendly, she seems to like mine now she's met them, asks after them etc. And she has Godchildren she's very involved with.

I can only say how it seemed at the time - maybe when she realised I had children she thought I must then be straight, or maybe she thought someone with a young family would just be too busy for a relationship, straight or gay. I don't know - but as I say there was a definite change in her attitude - not a bad change, just a slight backing-off - when she found out about the DCs.

Yes they are a year older - and she's known me a year longer, and hopefully realises that, although we are a package and they are of upmost importance, I still have time for other things.

My sensible head money is still on Likeatonne being right about this, but I'm not without a smidge of hope thanks to the others on here.......Not over til the fat lady sings and all that.

Of course that might all be completely wrong so feel freee to ignore previous post

And she did say in her email that she's "definitely" not gay.

So that sounds certain then

you know, polly, if this was a man saying 'I'm definetely not interested' which is equivalent of 'definetely not gay' in this case, everyone would tell you to forget it and not waste your time/emotions. For some reason women are immediately assumed as playing games or not meaning whatthey say. From what i heard of her personality, I think she's more like a man i.e. direct in what she says (and if not sure she wouldn't say it). Polly you didn't reply whether you'll date others?
what do you think about my last post re children's and friends' reaction being an issue for my crush? do you agree that this alone can stop her? i still need advice too, you know!

*assumed to be playing

No I'm interested in dating anyone else, I really have too much else to be doing.

And yes, I get the message she's not interested. Frankly I'm beyond caring.

It's more of a factor if you have young children. Adult children shouldn't really be part of the equation and fearing their disapproval isn't really a healthy way to be. In my opinion.

G40 - I also agree that it's unhealthy but if she's never been with a woman before (openly at least) don't you think that in her 50s she can understandably feel a bit awkward to come out wth it, and risk being seeing as strange while approaching older age? I mean some people would see it as odd including female friends who were close but didn't know. She mihgt be embarrassed - I know it's not very modern but even I would find it wakwrad to tell my parents, it's different when you come out early in life. One lady told me her story where her partner's children (teenage or older, not sure) wouldn't even speak to her, dreadful but true. In X's case there wouldn't be extreme reactions as they are intelligent tec but still they may see her as suddenly unfamiliar iykwim - almost like she lied to them before. And that's without the mildest reaction.

being seen

awkward, obv.

Likeatonne you're worrying in advance.

If she's interested in you, and starts a relationship with you, things like explaining the situation to her children are bridges she would cross as she came to them.

I don't think anyone of her age would be unduly influenced by what others might think.

mmm, not sure. I would definetely not let opinions influence what I'm doing, but would I find it easy to tell relatives? no. Some friends are fine, told one but she's my age and very open minded. I would probably keep quiet for a long while with older relatives, and if I had children, same. So you think it's all about the strength of feelings in her case? if she was in love she's just go for it? I know i worry before i know how she feels, but the worry is that all this social stigma may supress the budding feelings.

This is bearing in mond that at the moment she's obssessed with her younger son (temp stress) but it shows that children are her top priority.

Polly - WIQ has replied at last I see, so you haven't offended her with your email and "she's not Gay" time will tell. You'll have to sit it out again now I suppose.

Likeatonne - Temp stress with her younger son is understandable even when children are grown up mums still worry like mad about them, it can be all consuming (own experience here) when the worry settles she should be much happier.

Hi Allotment nooo I won't be sitting it out - I received another email from her today which has really pissed me off and that's it, I've had enough.

I'm just writing a letter to see if I can get out of the work I'm supposed to be doing with her at the end of the month.

I have two choices - I can either email her and tell her exactly what I think (which migh tmake me feel a bit better but will achieve nothing) or just ignore her.