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Original poster

For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

888 replies

pollyblue · 16/03/2012 19:04

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
pollyblue · 04/04/2012 23:43

Well, yes, she does seem to keep pointing out she's not gay, yet she's the one doing the "fancy a drink"ing.

But I guess I'll have to accept her word and not harbour any hopes in that direction now. Would hate to make an (even bigger) arse of myself.

OTOH, tis interesting how many 'straight' women have had their heads turned on this thread....

OP posts:
Gay40 · 04/04/2012 23:44

Ah Crushing...you should not be entertaining thoughts of another woman's girlfriend

Original poster
pollyblue · 04/04/2012 23:44

Gay i think I'd go straight for the absinthe, just to be sure....

OP posts:
Loveisthemessage · 04/04/2012 23:45

You wouldn't suggest going out for a drink with someone if you knew they fancied you and there was an obvious vibe there. I reckon WIQ is interested...

Gay40 · 04/04/2012 23:45

Polly, try this: "I know you are not gay, you keep telling me so. That's fine. But don't let that get in the way of a great shag."

Crushinghard · 04/04/2012 23:47

I know G40, I know. It's only me getting hurt though, she has no idea I even like women and has never shown the slightest interest in me. All in my silly little head.

Original poster
pollyblue · 04/04/2012 23:48

Loveis exactly! that's what I would think, and why I've been so baffled. If I was straight and knew a woman was lusting after me, no way would I want to go for a drink with her - I wouldn't want to do anything that might be seen as encouraging.

Gay that is a most excellent line.....

OP posts:
Gay40 · 04/04/2012 23:49

Sometimes that is the safest place x

likeatonneofbricks · 04/04/2012 23:52

G40 - i did mean, did you fancy your Mrs, and wished she was in interested in you? and if you only saw her as a friend, how did you manage to see her as a olver so fast? it almost sounds that any of these attractive friends could try and get you interested? as in who dares wins. If you don't agree, then you must have fancied her before she approached you, which is more understadable.

likeatonneofbricks · 04/04/2012 23:57

polly - but people are different. I also wouldn't do that, but if she sees you as gentle and safe she wouldn't feel pressured when going for a drink, I still claim that she likes to be liked/fancied - am I right that not so many people really like her? also, this may be empty talk and she has no intention actually going for a drink, which means she likesteasing, ther are people like that. I don't think that she protests too much, happened twice in many months, i think she thoughtyour emails were hopeful and decided to make sure you know she hasn't changed(and it's true you were hoping smth changed).

Original poster
pollyblue · 05/04/2012 00:02

No, she has a lot of friends, she seems pretty popular really.

OP posts:
likeatonneofbricks · 05/04/2012 00:06

Dozer, I simply don't want to go to any gatherings! I'm interested in her, not in generally becoming a lesbian. And without people knowing my woman personally, they can't advise any better in rl than on this forum (which I find cosy and helpful also). The thing is I just love her and I'm not going to just have these strong feelings on a whim. I will still love her if nothing happens, butit will have to be platonic. Hopefully then I'd be able to move on in romantic sense, with whatever gender, if it happens. At the moment she goes everywhere with iykwim, even though there are changes in my life, so I want to give it some time to be sure whether she can feel something for me.

Loveisthemessage · 05/04/2012 00:07

Polly - don't give up hope. When you finally go for a drink with her, you can make yourself irresistibly unavailable and she will be all over you like a rash. Thinking about her protestations...you wouldn't go for a drink with a man who fancied you and repeat "by the way I'm not hetero..." You wouldn't bother pointing it out (well you wouldn't go for the drink in the first place). I am certain this is not the end of this story. i'm also sure there's no such thing as an entirely straight woman. Just check out this thread...
BTW what exactly did you say in your email to her. Maybe you need to put ps. I am not heterosexual. That will shut her up.

likeatonneofbricks · 05/04/2012 00:09

polly she could possibly see you as a potential friend then if she has lots of friends. Please don't cling to the hope she's may turn, I don't see it at all. This is stopping you finding someone who can reciprocate, what a waste. Can you not see yourself being attracted to someone else? if you had r-ships with women before, surely she's not 'all or nothing' as far as women go.

Gay40 · 05/04/2012 00:10

She was my friend so I didn't really fancy her or wish she was interested. When we met, neither of us were single so it wasn't a factor. Just one day, after I'd been officially single but enjoying myself she asked me out, and I went, and everything changed.
Maybe I just see attractive qualities in everyone in my life? I don't know.

likeatonneofbricks · 05/04/2012 00:11

*everywhere with ME (post before last one)

Gay40 · 05/04/2012 00:11

Now, of course, and from that day, I fancy her like mad.

likeatonneofbricks · 05/04/2012 00:14

G, I find it interesting how you can suddenly start fancying someone after knowing them a while - it never happened to me. I can stop fancying someone who I used to fancy, but never fancy someone after not being attracted for months! Possibly being gay, you subconsiously supress it with straight women, so that not to get hurt, but once she offered it came to the surface..

Gay40 · 05/04/2012 00:18

I think it happens quite a lot, friends who turn into more - regardless of sexuality. I don't feel very unusual in that.

Gay40 · 05/04/2012 00:21

The thought of going to "gatherings" makes me want to sit in a corner and rock.

likeatonneofbricks · 05/04/2012 00:24

Loveis, but it's very possible for a gay man to want go for a drink with a woman and say 'I'm not hetero' so that there is no confusion. WIQ reiterated purely because times has passed and polly was obviously hopeful with that drink. I don't think polly should be fed any hopes! If suddenly (chance in a million) there is something there, the woman can always find her and act on it, but suggesting to polly to wait and hope for ever for that drink - the poor woman will go mad with the waiting! it's just not fair. I personally think the WIQ is being very matter of fact and that she's not for turning.

likeatonneofbricks · 05/04/2012 00:26

G40 - well maybe not unusual, it is to me though. The attraction is either there or not at once ot soon, anbd then it progresses or fades depending on how I find the person. With this woman it was there immediately (but being hetro my first thought was, God, why isn't she a man - and then I thought maybe she doesn't have to be, ha). And it progressed to more of a strong feeling as I got to know her.

Gay40 · 05/04/2012 00:28

I think the lady is for turning.

likeatonneofbricks · 05/04/2012 00:33

the polly's lady? I think even with mine there is more of a chance, even though she's older!

Loveisthemessage · 05/04/2012 00:36

Personally I don't think it's that 'straight' forward. Having not met the WIQ and just going by what Polly says, she doesn't sound at all matter of fact. Speaking from experience - I considered myself straight and married and went out for a drink with a woman who i knew was bi and admittedly found an attractive person. I certainly didn't think it would come to anything more than us just being friends. It wasn't on the cards for us to get it on. A few months in, however, I was madly in love and realised I'd met my true soulmate. Life throws up so many surprises. You can't predict what's going happen and you can't label people. If someone had said to me that I would meet a woman and want to marry her I would have passed out and joined G40 in the rocking chair !