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Original poster

For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

888 replies

pollyblue · 16/03/2012 19:04

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope! Grin

OP posts:
AllotmentFreak · 03/04/2012 23:07

Polly! Anything???

Original poster
pollyblue · 03/04/2012 23:08

evening Allotment

No, not a sausage. Am really regretting sending her a gentle reminder email at the weekend now. Think I might have buggered it up (again).

OP posts:
AllotmentFreak · 03/04/2012 23:14

Oh bugger, don't think there was anything wrong with the gentle reminder, it was her idea in the first place so why didn't she follow through with a firm date. No wonder you feel in limbo.

likeatonneofbricks · 03/04/2012 23:19

I'd feel like a fool if she rejected the drink offer - plus she drinks very good wine and I have cash flow issues now due to circumstances! Can't bring any old cheap thing. Will hope she offers - still, not ALL depends on the wine..I am a bit worried about the tablets, what if she has some serious condition?
polly I thought you worked together - don't you see her anymore? I never thought she was interested from what I've heard, she might have offered on spur of the moment just to distract/ego boost thing after her split, but she's not gay is she and she might have met a man already. It's NOTHING to do with you've done, if she as interested she wouldn't be put off by a couple of emails. Maybe she just wanted a drink but then thought not a good idea as you would assume more and she's not gay/bi. This is why I don't like impulsive people who say something and then forget it/don;t follow. I tried dating a man like that long ago and it rove me mad, never again!
polly so you agree that things may be warming for me, more than friendliness on her part?

Original poster
pollyblue · 03/04/2012 23:19

exactly! She's done exactly what she did last year, left me well and truly in limbo.
Has she got the hump because she thinks I'm being pushy? Has she been more ill/busier than I thought so not got round to it? Gone to visit a sick relative? Who knows?! She's doing her usual trick of Not Saying A Bloody Word.

Which is annoying.

OP posts:
Original poster
pollyblue · 03/04/2012 23:23

No don't work together regularly, it's quite sporadic.

When she asked me to go for a drink (as mentioned in my OP here) that was the first time we'd crossed paths in about three months - and the going for a drink was pretty much the first thing she said to me, so I thought she must mean it - it wasn't just tagged on the end of the conversation as an afterthought.

Yes it does sound promising for you - at least, I think you're getting to the stage where you're going to find out one way or the other.

OP posts:
AllotmentFreak · 03/04/2012 23:30

Likea.... most people are on some tablets in their 50's so not at all unusual. Plan B - take something, anything for you both to share at the weekend, hot cross buns are topical Grin. (If this plan comes off never will I look at a hot cross bun in the same way again)!!! Grin

Polly... Annoying it is there's nothing you can do but wait.

Original poster
pollyblue · 03/04/2012 23:32

Yes - fortunately I'm very busy at the moment, so that's keeping my mind off it.
I'm due to be working with her towards the end of the month but tbh if I don't hear from her before then I'm going to see if I can get out of it.

OP posts:
likeatonneofbricks · 03/04/2012 23:35

Yes, I know how it happened, that it was after a three months break, but that doesn't mean anything much as she might have been in a good mood and just didn't think - OR she likes playing people and seeing the effect (especially if feeling like a confidence boost after split). Not neccessarily playing in a mean way but possibly just too self centred to think someone may be expecting her to follow up. Just as means of enjoying the attention/feeling attractive.

Original poster
pollyblue · 03/04/2012 23:40

I understand what you're saying Likea but I don't think it's quite right here......When she asked she wasn't in a good mood, she had a filthy cold and looked like death warmed up. And I don't think she would be daft enough to de doing if for attention or an ego boost, or without thinking - she knows how I feel about her and was very careful not to go out with me last year, or give me any false hope.

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AllotmentFreak · 03/04/2012 23:44

I'm wondering what made her actually ask you then since there's no follow up. You could be right that something is going on in her life which is taking her attention but assuming she has access to emails why not just reply Confused

Gay40 · 03/04/2012 23:46

Oh, where have I been while all the developments were going on Confused Designing some bloody artwork and missing all the fun.

No, I had no idea she was interested. She was my friend and we talked about stuff - love, life, etc. She says she was fascinated by my utter lack of awareness that people were interested and that I just didn't see it. She did spill on what attracted her personally but I can't post it (private), suffice to say it wasn't physical attributes Biscuit
She made her feelings known in a physical sense Grin I was not left in any doubt.

Bricks: sounds like she is on a slow burn. Take your tapers!

Polly: how frigging irritating of her

likeatonneofbricks · 03/04/2012 23:49

she wouldn't have to be daft - just thoughtless? after a split, and feeling dodgy she might well wanted some attention, from anyone who likes her, so offered a drink and then thought later that she wouldn't want more than a drink so shouldn't lead you on after all? the bottom line is, she's not gay - it's like with hetero women, they may go or offer a drink to a man just in a weak moment but kowing that nothing will happen. Even if she went for a drink, nothing else would happen as she did say she wasn't gay (I find that most dicouraging). But apart from it all, she's just not considerate is she, she could've e-mailed back saying, sorry I shouldn't have offered. Do you think you could get interested in someone else? or is it her or nothing?

Original poster
pollyblue · 03/04/2012 23:51

That's why I'm baffled. We were together quite a lot last autumn, she didn't ask then although had plenty of opportunity to. We don't see each other for months - then as soon as we do, she asks.

She's always been crap at replying to emails - ime she replies either immediately or almost never - she emailed me last year asking if I was ok as she hadn't seen me at work for a couple of weeks, I replied and said I've got a spot of pneumonia. Took her 4 days to reply to that. Which i think is quite a while - if a friend told me that, I'd reply like a shot.

Oh well! Grin Maybe I'll never know.

OP posts:
Original poster
pollyblue · 03/04/2012 23:56

Yes, she did say she wasn't gay - so why the bloody hell does she want to go out on the lash with a lesbian who's got the hots for her?!

Unless she's seen the light, missed me madly over the past few months and realises she can't live without me....?!

(ahem)

OP posts:
likeatonneofbricks · 03/04/2012 23:57

G40 - haha, I wish I could see your artwork! I'm still fascinated how do you manage to be such a woman-magnet, especially as you say it's not about looks and not being provocative. But yes, as to the Mrs she must have been attracted by something (like she may like gentle vulnerable personality) apart from your lack of interest!
So you think there are signs with my crush, genuinely?

Gay40 · 04/04/2012 00:01

I do, genuinely. But then, I always did. Slow and steady appears to be working though !

Gay40 · 04/04/2012 00:01

Btw I am not a woman magnet.

likeatonneofbricks · 04/04/2012 00:10

polly I don't know why you can't see it that this can be an ego boost, and she knows you are not going to drag her to bed that it's safe. She may have neant to go but only as a drink and boost/distraction. But since then maybe a man appeared on the scene - so for her it's more of a boost, simplistically speaking. As I say she comes across as thoughtless or even quite a tough person.

likeatonneofbricks · 04/04/2012 00:15

G40 - and you still didn't say why you think it - maybe you are extra intuitive. I fluctuate betweeen hope and thinking that I'm just clutching at straws. I worry that she may slightly love me but purely platonically - or kind of like a pet (you know you can really love a pet but not take it too seriously - do you think it's possible. It's still so very strange to me, the whole thing. But it's strong.
You must be a magnet with all these women approaching you in the past, and turning straight ones into a gay Mrs!!

likeatonneofbricks · 04/04/2012 00:19

G40 - for example, I've never been approached by women, and not all always-gay women get approached either. So don't be so modest.
Did you find your Mrs attractive though? How did you suddenly switch from seeing her as a friend to more? or did you always wish she was gay secretly?

Original poster
pollyblue · 04/04/2012 14:31

Nope, I'm still disagreeing Grin About her using me as a distraction/ego boost, that is.

I've known her 2 years and I know she's just not that calculating, or thoughtless for that matter. She's actualy very thoughtful when it comes to dealing with people face-to-face, just rubbish at emails! She's also incredibly busy with work, so she has more than me on her mind.

I just know how she is when she's with me (in the same way that you get a vibe from your crush when she's warm towards you) - despite me putting some distance between us over the past few months, when we do see each other, there is definitely something there, that I can't quite put my finger on......

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likeatonneofbricks · 04/04/2012 15:21

polly, well with your experience you should know what that Something is! I'm not sure with mine because I've never been with a woman and can't quite tell the difference between a warm/friendly/caring vibe and an attraction. You should be able to feel if it'ssexual based on reactions from other women before. Also you sound like women on MN who defend a man's behaviour while eveyrone telling her that he's being a twat - or obviiously not interested at best. She IS thoughtless for ignoring you afyer offering something, why is it an excuse that she is rubbish with emails - she could PHONE you. Also out of courtesy it really wouldn't be too much to drop a very brief email saying, sorry changed my mind. I'm not saying she has some plan or is calculating at all - I'm sayong that she just doesn't think about you, unless occasionallyy when you aer in front of her. If she used to be curious about women in the past she might still find it amusing/flattering that you fancy her, but by telling you she wasn't gay she meant she didn't want t act on it. It can still be flattering anyway - and that something maybe just her picking up on your vibe and being flattered. Thhe point is if there was any interest she wouldn't just disappear with no contact and especially wouldn't ignore you blatantly. Yes, she could be ill or busy - you'll probably know soon (can you ask anyone?), but this is unlikely to change things. It still seems to me that she may have met someone now, even if it's not anything serious.

likeatonneofbricks · 04/04/2012 15:22

and what about her shouting at someone so that she scared off some woman who considered working with her? hardly thoughtful face to face!

Original poster
pollyblue · 04/04/2012 17:33

No I'm not defending her as such, more saying that the impression you have of her - which has come about because of what I've written about her - isn't quite correct. She's not all bad. But yes, she is frustrating - I've cheerfully said in many posts that she's left me baffled and to be honest a bit hurt. If she's not interested, she has a funny way of showing it, because she seems interested when we're together. But for some reason she's crap at following up her suggestions to meet up.

And yes it would be courteous to send me even the briefest email, the fact she hasn't is irksome.

No there isn't anyone I can ask about her, so I really will just have to wait and see.

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