For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

[pollyblue]

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope!

You see, Gay40, for all your advice of action, you yourself got results by being very shy and allowing others to chase! I wonder if this is what really works...You musyt be doing smth right if not only you got your Mrs, but also you had a number of women initiating things with you, so that even she was worried that someone will 'muscle in'. Do you think you give them some kind of adoration vibe? I'd be really interested to know what exactly you doing - flirt, blush a lot? if you know, please share.
Well, I'm on my last day with my lady, though I've now arranged to see her next weekend briefly (I just can't stay away, can I?). I couldn't wait itll the end of the month. She's been very warm last few days, bar the times when she's socialising with others. My knees are going weaker every time she looks in my eyes with seems like affection - I really feel I would float away , but I tell myself she didn't mean it like that most likely. I'm becoming more shy and almost frozen if there is any fleeting touch - it really doesn't help, she prob thinks I'm weird, more and more. God, this is unbelievable, I don't understand even why I feel so strongly, she's not really giving me encouragement. There is a small chance she is feeling smth too, it can't all fake (the warmth) but I always wonder whether she's affected by other events (good ones) in her life. I honestly can NOT be direct, it's worse than before, I will pass out if I say something or go and take her by the hand - it is SO scary.

G40 - if you don't know what you aer doing yourself, ask your Mrs, she must have got some green light somehow and was urged to act!?

*with WHAT seems like affection - sorry , again lots of errors, too emotional you know and typing in a rush.

you know, I'd really not mind someone telling her that I'm attracted, i.e. 'she seems attracted to you, do you realise that?', it would really push her into either direction. But there isn't anyone like it. I really need to become irresistable to straight women like Gay40 to get her attracted..

Is the thing arranged next weekend purely social? Just the two of you?
I can imagine how you might be feeling, the nerves must be killing you.

I've already said all my advice is theoretical !!!!!!
And I don't do anything, I'm just myself. I'll try and do a bit of research but I don't think it will help, because you know you are going to have to make the move first.

If you can't say it direct, you're going to have to leave a note.

Likea...I think some women are fascinated when they know you might or could be interested in them. Suddenly they become bi-curious. I have noticed this with my lady friend as she has been out with men and also openly with women and lots of her female friends flirt with her or say suggestive things because they are interested to see if or how she will respond to them. It's strange but I think if people find out you like women suddenly they imagine you fancy every woman in sight (which is ridiculous let's face it). I'm sure if more of my friends found out about me, they'd probably think I had morphed into a raging lezzer-on-the-loose and would want to lock up their wives and daughters! Of course to me, it's all about the person (not the gender) and I would tell them this and get them to back right off but maybe you need to say something or hint to your WIQ that you also like women. It might tickle her imagination and if she has feelings for you, give her more encouragement.

A friend of mine was married and her husband accepted that she was also interested in women. She remained married while having flings with women. Eventually she decided that she was completely gay and didn't want to live with him any more so they are separated (although not sure if they are intending to divorce probably for financial reasons). They have three kids.

Likeatonneofbricks - it sounds as though she likes you and enjoys your company but not to the extent that she has a raging crush on you! The few times I have had crushes of the type you are describing (on men!) I behave exactly as you describe yourself - cannot have a proper conversation, shy, tongue-tied etc etc. In fact, it has never gone anywhere because I behave so strangely that they think I don't like them! Whereas if I don't fancy someone, I can be completely natural with them.

Loveis, that's exactly right - I'm worried to be seen as someone who just wants A woman, and that's what common reaction can be. To me it's also about the person, especially with women, as with men I had been known to go just for someone attractive without admiring them.
G40 I know regarding your advice, nevetherless you get good results, even though you are cringingly shy as you said, so not really so natural and 'yourself' when attracted to them. I beg to differ that you must be good at giving vibes and your Mrs could shed light on it definetely.
tadpoles - I'm not as bad as that (i.e. thatshe thinks I don't like her) but I'm not as spontaneouos as with others. Oh well.
Crushing it's not a date, but there wlil be some time when it's two of us - this happened during my time with her already, that's when she's nicest to me (hen in good mood). More of the same really but I feel I did get a little closer last week.

I would agree with Loveis on the fascination and bicurious point.

I've rarely come across the "you must fancy all women" attitude, but oddly I have had quite a few "So why don't you fancy me then?" Errmmm because I'm not very attracted to you, etc; followed by a slightly indignant and hurt look from the askee.
MrsG refused to flatter my ego by shedding any light on the matter, but she did say that my complete ignorance of her (and others) interest was a factor.

G40 - Just got a few questions, hope you don't mind but am interested to know how MrsG went from very straight to gay abandon...obviously wasn't an issue with her but did her friends and family have an issue with it or were they quite accepting? Have you had a civil partnership? How long ago did you get together?
Crushing - My ex suggested I explore my sexuality but then didn't like it when I said that I had...then the whole situation changed. Maybe it's the consequence of the exploration of your sexuality that you fear because you may meet someone who you'll end up having strong feelings for - which is exactly what happened to me. You can't plan when you meet someone or if you fall in love but when it happens it will almost certainly change the landscape.

No issues with friends or family, no CP (waiting for equal marriage), a LOT of years

That's interesting Loveis, good to hear your perspective.

had a couple of internet-less days, but now back to favourite thread haha.
Yes, G40, it's a bit puzzling that your Mrs was drawn to you because of your lack of awareness, not sure I understand. It seems like all these women who were after you almost fely challenged that you were obviously gay yet not trying to chase them (which is indeed a bit silly as they wouldn't expect a man to chase them just because they aer a woman). Maybe people think that gay women are not that selective purely because of lack of other gay women. But have you been interested in your Mrs even though she didn't see that? Or did you only become interested due to her efforts? How did she let you know (briefly) - did she say something or was it a physical pass? I hope you don't mind sharing, without any detail of course!
I'm now on a break from seeing X, though should see her once or twice this w/end more briefly. When I was leaving this time, she actually TOUCHED me, I know it was only a par on the arm, but funnily enough this never happened before and I just don't dare touching her (I'm a bit like G40 with anything physical - cringingly shy, with X I mean). Last few days of contact she also was a lot more in my personal space (extremely enjoyable for me) and mainly initiated by her. There was also somehow more looking at my face than previously (when she does that I tend to look into her eyes as I can't help it, such beautiful eyes too). Sorry if this is too sugary - it actually is all very polite and no obvious flirting, but these changes are all hte more noticeable. Do you think she might be warming up a bit? or is it just friendliness..By the way of course I know she hasn't got a raging crush on me (as someone pointed out) - I'd be happy d if there is any beginning of attraction. It could be that she just appreciates small favours/gesatures I do for her, so maybe it's a general warmer mode. Even that is nice though after a cool spell.

*gestures (argh)

*pat on the arm

of course we did brush against each other as I mentioned before, but that was kind of inevitable in a tight space (though I still hope she did it deliberately) but there was never an actual touch by choice (yes, I'm pathetic to be so pleased about a small and possibly friendly thing
like that)

I think she is getting used to you being around and is more open and friendly than she was, good she is getting physically closer (hope this follows with emotionally :) ). What will you do this weekend, play it cool or really try for a breakthrough?

Oh god the suspense!

Allotment, I never really play it cool, I'm only forced too keep myself to myself if she is in a mood. If she's friendly then whatever mood I was in, becomes a good mood and then I 'm obviously warm to her. and my attempts to talk get ignored. You see, I think the physical proximity is not sudden but more of a result of liking me more, and I actually hope she's attracted a little already. From what I've read from various straight women becoming attractged to a woman, it's never just suddenly physical but follows the emotional liking. I think, really, she's sensing that I'm in love with her (not maybe in a romantic way but you know Love in general sense), and possibly that feels good? It's still not completely consistent, but I know for sure we got closer in some way.

as to weekend plans, as i say all depends what she'll be like, can't plan anything. I came to a coclusion that a)I'm unable to be direct right now as not brave enough, b) gentle and slow seems to be working for her. There is akways a chance that she'll never consider loving a woman of course, but if she would then the slowapproach may work.

sentence number 3 was supposed to be hte ending of sentence one in my post before last (rolls eyes).

Probably you are right about emotional coming first, but of course you don't know exactly what she's thinking so you can only go by the physical signs. Being moody sometimes is difficult for you to work out what's going on in her mind, has she deadlines to meet for instance?

Hopefully she'll open some of that wine this weekend

Oh, I do know that she's stressed about a relative - and it eased off a bit just recently so it could well be that. Also I agree that she may be hormonal (glimpsed hormonal tablets in her bathroom - in open view as well). And yes, I really wish she offered me a drink - she does it to other visitors (well, friend, relatives) to her place, but never when I visit, to me. I did say ages ago that we NEED to drink together (not too much, obv as that could be a disaster as to me declaring love - but a little would really give opportunity to flirt and see the reaction). She's s always nicer and more open to me after having a drink (with other people or by herself).

Ooh it sounds like things are (slowly) warming up. Excellent!

Take a bottle of wine with you and open it There's no obligation to drink the lot, have a glass each and pop the rest in her fridge for her to have later as a reminder of you.