For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

[pollyblue]

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope!

Since we are passing the time of day waiting for Bricksy's update, and I'm supposed to be working but clearly not as I'm sat on here making gay conversation: Crushing, what makes your husband think things will change? Might they?

Loveis - all right with all the anxiety about me! You know, sometimes I can be just busy! Hopefully moving house is a good enough reason (at least the first stage of it ,as of yesterday)! I'm also away for two nights from tomorrow night but might get access to MN if there is free time late eves. I did say earlier that although there is still a week to be in contact with Her, it won't be every day this week, so in total only 4-5 days. Didn't see her yesterday at all, Monday we had some contact and she was ok with me, not too cool, but today we are back to sweetness and light! ask me why - I've no idea. Now though I've learned that when she's in this mood I have to milk it a much as I can, so I was much more 'myself' and imposing a bit of idle chat and she didn't ignore me this time. There was quite a bit warmth similar to that in the beginning of the two weeks(I dread to think it;s because she's not seeing me much and knows I'm going soon and prefers it this way). But to be honest I'm really none the wiser why sometimes she's much mpre upbeat (and others v.sour) - you know, I think she might take some stimulant, because she's stressed about a relative, this is ongoing, and possibly she can't cope with that without some 'help' It's just the contrast are a bit oo much to be natural. Although, as Allotment said, coud be m-pause, but who knows.There was also a raer physical comtact today - I should be prepared for some strong reaction to that, but somehow I was amazed how suddenly my throat went tight, I think I'm worrying quite unnessary about the sexual aspect, the spark is there all right! Itwas only something silly, trying to fix a mochine together, she seemed oblivious that she sort of barged in and brushed againsy me a few times (wasn't facin gme) - I cold ve stepped away but didn't. She could v also asked me to step away and didn't - but this could be seen as just being completely oblivious to my interest to her. God, I wish I could put my arms around her, it's so near yet so far, it's ridiculous. Still I dont think she's interested. I also discovered she doesn't really listen much - something I told her a few times she only now realised is the case ('oh, you are doing that this weekend??' erm..I mentioned it a few times!). I'm starting to be paranoid about some BF/lover on the scene. Dressed sexily again today and went out in the eve - also signs of man yesterday in her house (whisky, cigs) - when i mentioned 'surprised you are letting people smoke in your house' - it is unusual - she went a bit embarassed and brushed it off. Suddenly I'm becoming allergic to men, especially those around her, even if they are just talking.
G40 - interesting, your view about men. The thing is MOST women don't find that complete understanding with men but they still fancy them/fall in love, I think it's the differences that fascinates them (or a challenge). It's interesting that for the gay women similarity is so attractive.

bit OF warmth, etc.

Since we're making conversation...
My husband is bisexual, says he has always known it on some level, and that he made a conscious decision to be with me knowing that it meant never being with a guy. We've been married 12 years and although he does look at gay porn he says he has absolutely no desire to leave me or actually be with a man. He says if we split up he could just as easily be with a woman again as with a man. I think he thinks it is a matter of me getting to the point where I realise that although I'd like to be with a woman that in fact i choose to be with him and stay in the admittedly happy life we have.
Problem with his logic is that he's thinking like a bisexual. Initially I did tell him I thought I was bisexual, although I did revise that to be lesbian. I told him that if we ever split up I know I won't be with a man ever again (as far as you can ever be sure, anyway).

We do have a lovely life together, and I do have to think of my daughter, but I don't feel I can spend the rest of my life in this kind of relationship. He is the only man who I've ever had any kind of mental connection with, but it's still nothing like I know I could have with a woman. Also, there is the sex issue. He has a very low sex drive. I don't. He is happy enough with the sex we have, but to me it feels pretty empty. It's very important to me and it's just not right.

Likea - sounds good that she was warm to you but also sounds like she had a man over. Hmmm.

I asked DP today what would have happened with us if she hadn't made her move when she did.
"Well I wasn't prepared to watch any more women muscle in ahead of me while I swanned about pretending to be your friend, so something had to be done."

Crushing, to be fair she does have quite a few male friends. Some are admirers, i.e. made a pss before but accepted she only wanted them as a friend. Some I think she's letting to think they are in with some chance but they aern't really. It could ve been one of those. But there could be one who is in with a chance.
G40 - as i said many tomes before, your dp knew you were gay, for sure. It's a different situation, she wasn't scared. You were also sinlge. She also probably picked up on the fact that you were quite gentle natured so even if it was a No it would've been mild and considerate. Tbh you could only be flattered by the straight woman being interested, even if you were not interested. In my case there is a danger of her being put off or offended.

pass

G, and I did say that she's a little imtimidating (you know, when displeased about smth - could be tough). It does make a difference. What do you think of this brushing/almost leaning agaist me btw? nothing?

I think it probably made you pop your cork, and it's an indicator that she isn't physically uncomfortable with you. But it depends what the context is really. Could she have achieved what she needed without being near you at all?
I don't think she is going to be offended, she has a friend who is very gay. I don't think she'll be put off either, the worst that will happen is that moment of mortification when you really like someone who doesn't feel the same way.

With the intimidating behaviour, I'd make light of it, but that's me.

how do you know though that she won't be putt off or just shocked? she wouldn't be thinking the same way as a gay woman.
She could have asked me to let her fix it by stepping away. But without stepping away I was in a tight space with the said machine.
But surely if you aer never direct yourself, you can understand why I can't bring myself to be direct ot make light of it?

That's why my advice is theoretical, rather than practical. I can usually see what someone else should do, but I'm not much good at following my own advice being cringingly shy when faced with attractive women-

Making light of things does depend on a certain self-confidence, I know.

chatty-ish mood continued into today. I'm so happy when she's open and friendly like this! She now expressed interest in one of my hobbies and even asked to let her know when the next event is coming, so she may go too. I did mentioned it when i was going to one of them in Jan (brief meeting) but she obviously misunderstood (said 'I must have been miles away' - nice! strange as that was quite a nice meeting one to one). Anyway of course I promised but the problem is the mext lot of these events is not intil next winter! Blast, I should have pressed my point then as she could've bee going with me there two months ago! she was quite stressed at that time to be fair. There was general niceness too. I'm reallly trying to relax and be myself as you suggested, it does work when she's in good mood! Days like this give me a small hope again! I think the poster who said that she needs a slow gentle approach was right! At least htere might be a chance with that. She's type who likes making decisions in her own time so I can do is help make rge decision gently. I think she's only now cottoning on the fact that I genuinely like her, with no agenda (as a person at least).

she's the type
all I can do

I do hope this good mood is not down to a man on the scene, in the last few days. ever the worrier!

Glad to hear she's been more friendly with you likeatonne. Maybe slowly and gently is the way to do it.

So things are looking up a bit so hope you can keep chipping away over the next week and get something very positive like a snog meeting for a drink or going somewhere (not exhibition)!

Pollyblue....... anything yet?

Hi Allotment not a squeak.

Will be two weeks tomorrow since she asked me for a drink, and I emailed her last weekend asking how she was - haven't heard anything.

So, anyone got any ideas what I should do now?!

Sorry for hijaking, likeatonne....

Give me her email address I'll sort it

Try again with the email, what if you ask her out this time? Can you think of something on that you both might be interested in going to?

I might take you up on that........

The problem is she works pretty odd hours, including several nights a week. I just know that if I suggest something, she is bound to say no, she's busy that night. That's why, when she suggested going out, I said yes lovely, but you tell me where/when. I thought if I suggested she come up with something specific, she might actually get round to it. She obviously didn't realise I meant sometime this year

I don't know whether to try again with the 'hi, how are you?' email softly approach or go blunt as arseholes anything and say right, if you don't suggest anything i'm coming round armed with fine wine and I'm not moving off yer doorstep until you let me in.

So any thoughts would be welcome. Grr.

Email once more - if that doesn't work then turn up with the wine and refuse to budge drastic action is needed! Easter is coming will she have time off work do you think, could this be an opportunity for you to declare you are hopelessly in love with her get together?

If I hadn't edited this post you would have seen words like bugde for budge drastci for drastic and reufse for refuse - wtf is the matter with me

have you been on the fine wine yourself?

yes she'll have some time off but I don't know if she's planning to go away. That's what's worrying me a bit, if she's planning on getting in touch next week, once she's off work, she might be a bit 'oh for fucks sake' if I email again before then.

But then, Gay did recommend I take the runaway horse approach to her, and rein her the bloody well in.....

Only one glass of wine and that was at 7pm so not that can't take too much of that these days bloody menopause

Well she just can't go away at Easter full stop! Get in touch again and risk the 'oh for fucks sake' bit, tbh if she last got in touch 2 weeks ago it really is about time she emailed at least. Perhaps it's me being a control freak but I absolutely hate someone saying they will phone/email/call round and they don't arrrghhh.

Yes, I hate it too - I don't call it control freakery though, just good manners

But that's why I've been trying not to get too twitchy, because maybe, to some people, 2 weeks in terms of organising something/getting in touch is not long at all.

I think I will email tonight, and risk a 'for fucks sake'. Being woolly isn't going to get me anywhere is it? And I'm really getting too old for buggering about.

What tone though? Should I just stick to the polite - how the devil are you/are you actually dead and been eaten by your cat? or a bit more joking - right, you've got until sunday then i'm coming raaaahnd. Sort of thing.

Pollyblue -- how frustrating. You could say something along the lines of..."not sure if you've been abducted by aliens, but it would be great to meet up (during the day if she works weird night owl hours). Got a large chocolate egg that needs two to get through. Hurry the goddamn up it's melting. FAST."