For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

[pollyblue]

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope!

Gay40 - I was referring to the previous post by Tenuous who did say she had a husband (and three crushes on women) plus confusion out of guilt, mainly......and I just felt the need to respond to that post. Would she have left her husband if the feelings were reciprocated...? Probably not.
likea - I agree people don't leave a "stable" relationship on a whim, of course....Incidentally I am with a woman who was married (she left her husband for me)....oh and I'm not gay either, but just rather happy. I think listening to your situation with this woman, I would advise you to possibly write her an email after your 10 day window is closed. You can be very open and it will certainly give her the space and time to think about your feelings/what you are expressing to her. I don't think you want to risk further rejection by asking her out again.....she is obviously not as emotionally expressive as you, so she may like a gentler approach. With my lover of the moment we got to know each other by texting and emails and it took us 3 months before we met again face to face....by then we had built up a strong rapport. I think women probably need more wooing than men, and this can take time, so be patient. I think she could well need a while to warm up to the idea and if you have felt a strong vibe with her already then there must be mutual feelings of attraction, so it's worth pursuing.

G40 - yes, situations ae different. In your case possibly the smooth transition was helped by the fact you knew who you were and it gave her a lot of confidence. It's more of an earthqueake when both women wre hetero before, and also if any divorces are involved (one lady related to me that kids of her new partner refuse to speak to her!)
So why the warning about living with a woman?
Lady, I did say that i feel a vibe from her occasionally, but it's definetely not constant ot even regular. Today for example she avoided me altogether while being in the same place - she comes and does a small talk or more when in the mood, but today she didn't even look at me even though she was busy with smth. If I write to her, isn't this direct? it still puts her on the spot responding to my feelings, what if she immediately says 'thanks, but don't be silly' (or worse). Posssibly best t keep in touch without declaring anything yet? As I say, my main thought is, that she would rather treat it as a mild fantasy IF I'm right and there is a vibe (I still may be wrong), I'd have a lot more chance if we wre working together and just to get her used to the atraction gradually. Meaning she's get involved without rationally wanting to. At a distance my influence can't be strong. YOur lady was obviously already interested and so she was responsive to emails, just to stretch it out a bit.

earthquake

again too many typos!

OP, when she ignored you today, did you speak to her? It's a little ignorant to just ignore someone and i think in your shoes I'd be a bit grrr and say (politely of course, but directly) 'is everything alright?'or 'have I unwittingly upset you?'

polly, she didn't ignore me in the sense of not answering, but when I asked a question just answered minimally without looking up from computer, and earlier didn't choose a face to face contact when there was opportunity. I mean it's her right not be in chatty mood today, but I was trying to illustrate that sometimes thre is zero vibe and that she often chooses not to come up andtalk (but it's not rude as she hides behind being busy). When in the mood, completely different.

I see.
I can't guess whether she's doing it deliberately - ie it's because of you or aimed at you - or if she's almost oblivious to the fact you're there. But you've known her long enough that it wouldn't be the latter, surely.

I still think you should ask her if anything's wrong when she's like that. Yes it's her right not be in a chatty mood but that doesn't mean you have to follow suit.

likea - I only suggested writing to her if you wanted some kind of answer to your longing...ie. if you want to know the truth which is what you had implied in previous posts...that it was doing your head in and you needed to know if she felt the same (or any vibe whatsoever). It's really hard when you have such big feelings for someone to let them go, sometime you can get totally addicted to the fantasy and don't want to really know the truth because if she doesn't reciprocate then the whole thing will be over. Maybe you're not ready for that....? How long has your crush been going on and is she aware of your age? It also could be that she IS attracted to you, but as previous posters have said, she can't deal with the feelings and hence blows hot and cold. She might well have convinced herself that you are too young and why would you be interested in her, and if she is going through menopause, her mood swings maybe nothing to do with you at all. After these 10 days are up, when will you see her again?

Lady, yes, it would be extremely hard to let go of these feelings, and yes I'm scared of a direct rejection and giving up on a possible development of events. The crush has been going on for 5months (with no contact for a 1.5 inbetween). I won't have long periods of contact for a while (I mean not even a week), next time will be in a month for one day then maybe a day meetings every few weeks. But it can be even less for a while if she goes away. I really thought these two weeks will decide smth (it's still about 5 days to go) and it's started on a high as she's been nicer than ever (i really don't know what was that about) but it's back to neutral now. The direct one-to-one contact we have is not all day long it's in total is anything from 10min to an hour a day (she's around for longer but does other things, doesn't just chat to me). On the other hand, I think it will be unhealthy for me to hold on to it without more encouragement. I'm not that young - I'm 41! she might think I'm a bit younger than that, she didn't ask (I told her my age at the start but she might have not paid attention months ago). I wouldn't think 15yrs gap is an issue with a man at all.

Likea - do you know anything at all about her past relationships, like has she been married? does she have children? I don't think the age gap is a problem either.....if you love someone, it doesn't matter. I agree that it would be unhealthy for you to hold onto this if you don't have a green light (or even amber) from her. I think you could possibly try to be a little frosty with her, or just a bit cool and see if she has any reaction at all......or shows any concern. If she's tuned into you, she will notice...could be another way of getting a sign. You need to be looking for signs right now, and if you don't get anything in the next 5 days, maybe time to move on.....however painful that might be, you will reach the point of enough is enough.

Lady, all this info in detail was on my original thread and everyone here are my supporters and know the situation. But in brief, yes she was married for a long time and that ended years ago I don't know exactly when and why) and she has two grown up children living away, abroad at the moment. She hasn'tlived with a man since and also no evidence of a refular BF, though whether ther is someone 'occasional' I dont know. Quite a busy social life with friends and relatives though, not a large amount of free time though it's not chocoblock..

yes, enough is enough I think is approaching, not because my feelings aer less but for some reason the vibe is less that it was earlier (even if on and off). I'm still puzzled why after being so warm to me a week ago she's switched. I really don't think she reads MN, ha!

Sorry it's not looking hopeful OP.

See what tomorrow brings. Hopefully some encouragement or at least a better idea of where you stand.

It's the blowing hot and cold that makes it worse. Fishing rod syndrome. At least if she was consistently one or the other, you'd have a better grasp of whether she'd be interested.

I almost wish she wasn't that great to me a week ago - I was on cloud nine , ther was a real rapport and even looks of obvious affection - what happened? Now I have to fall down from that high (and my hopes). She MAY be unwell (maybe even some chronic stuff?)- but she's the type who says 'I'm fine' when you ask even if looks rough, I must say she looked a bit drained today, and very much in her shell.

cross posts G!
I did ask you things earlier btw.

unless it's the effect of that man friend (of the Friday)? She was fine yest but today not great at all, possibly also came down from a high of seeing him?

Oh, have I missed questions? Hang on, I'll scroll up. Shite going on here and not 100% concentrating.

Was it about the warning ?

yes

I was probably being a bit facetious. But on a serious note, it's a big jump from the sexual aspect to the relationship aspect when you are swapping teams.

I don't know, G. I think a relationship with a woman is a RELIEF after r-ships with men. I'm certainly not interested primarily sexually, the way I've fallen for her assumes a potential r-ship.

How many days have you got left to nail your colours to the mast?

Butting in here, but I don't think your woman has feelings for the Friday man. Drop that thought immediately! Sounds like there really was a vibe last week so maybe she is struggling to come to terms with her feelings for you and therefore questioning her sexuality. Hope you get a clearer perspective this week.

Also sounds like she could be menopausal. A family member told me you can be very moody so this might explain her unpredictable behaviour.