Sensitive question about H

[ThreeLittlePandas]

I've been putting off asking this because I'm scared of what your answers might be. I'm really evaluating my relationship with h atm and wondering wether to leave him and I think the answer to my question might heavily influence my decision.

in advance.

Dh and I rarely have sex. When we do it is rather boring but he is considerate.

The other evening I went to bed early as I was desperately tired. I was woken a few hours later my dh who had his fingers in me. I was heavily asleep and by the time I realised what was happening he was having sex with me. He finished quickly and that was it. I really hadn't wanted to have sex and feel like I wasn't given an option. The next day I felt a bit angry and almost violated to be honest.

I'm not looking for anything other than an opportunity to talk this through because it's been bothering me. This is about the third time in the last couple of years that something like this has happened.

You keep saying the husband doesn't know he has done wrong. The OP has told him more than once and he has done it since. How can he still not know??

Nettle - Smart for 12.

And actually now I'm being as bad as you.

Curious I don't think you should ever ever have to tell your partner that they should not have sex with you while you're unconscious. I would assume any normal man would know that.

I find it all very strange.

Im torn between thinking he is evil and that there is something wrong with him, like special needs which make it impossible for him to understand. I just don't get it.

CG i think the main difference here is that the ops husband has been told several times but still did it and made no effort to make sure she was awake. it appears he only wants to have sex with her sleeping body.

In your case its obviously something which is acceptable in your relationship and you otherwise have an active sex life which includes sex when one of you is asleep.

I understand what you are saying but your situation seems different.

In your case does your husband actually enter you when you are asleep. If you didn't wake would he continue? Not having a go just wondering.

What explanations curious?

PooPooInMyToes - Yeah, he probably would to be honest. I'm not a big drinker, but on two occasions I've gone out for a hen night and not being completely used to it have been practically comatose... and I'm pretty sure he's done it then. We've joked about it. He's my husband. If I would do it when awake, why would I take issue with it when I'm asleep?? He's my husband!

(not having a go - just answering)

Sometimes you might just not want sex curious, shouldn't your DH be sure you want it before doing it?

Oh please. MNHQ, please remove this drivel!

Cailin - That he REALLY doesn't get that what he's doing is considered wrong. That he loves his wife and now that she's said something as shocking as rape it will never happen again and he will be sorry.

She said that other than this he is a good husband? a great father? Maybe it can all be resolved.

But perhaps you're ok with him assuming you want it all the time, which is fine.

I actually need you to discuss this somewhere else because I really do not know whether my husband is abusive please?

I would really urge people not to attack Curious, please. If you don't agree with her explain why don't. Take the opportunity.

Do please start your own thread beautiful, we will listen.

I'm so sorry that this happens to you Georgie, but your rationalisations are so shocking, offensive and sad, they really shouldn't be seen here on someone else's thread.

Curiousgeorgie, I am a lurker who only rarely posts, but I am appalled at your insensitive posts and your inability to understand how the OP is feeling. She got up the courage to talk to her DH and he has responded by treating her terribly, in front of the DC this morning. I can't begin to add anything to the supportive, sensitive posts that the others have written, but I am very worried about the affect your posts will have.

Please, please, please go away.

The only attack that is taking place here is from curious, Callin. She is utterly undermining a vulnerable poster and is perpetuating the worst kind of rape myths - the same ones MN are campaigning against...

Shame on her.

Lucy, again, I'm not attacking anyone. Find where i've attacked someone?

I suppose you're right Lucy. I feel quite concerned for you Curious, but you seem to be ok with your situation so perhaps the others are right that maybe you should stop posting. It has become too much about your situation. If you'd like to start a thread of your own I think that would be great.

Actually, yes, that was a bad choice of words. I apologise for that, it wasn't what I intended to say.

I meant to say, not everybody this happens to would consider it rape.