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Relationships

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Original poster

career vs relationship

119 replies

impossiblesitu · 07/03/2012 19:27

I am an impossible situation and could do with advice.

I have been offered a brilliant job in another country. It would be fairly full-on and probably for around a year. I also have a DP who for job reasons cannot relocate. We haven't been together long but have been friends a really long time and it's going very well, no DCs.

I don't know what to do. Career vs love. He is quite all or nothing (as am I) and I don't think we would fare so well so early on if we saw very little of each other for a year.

OP posts:

rightchoice · 07/03/2012 19:30

If a year away would be a deal breaker for him....... I would take the job. If you are under pressure to please him rather than him see this is 'brilliant' for you I would say the writing is on the wall long term! Take the job.

Original poster

impossiblesitu · 07/03/2012 19:32

We've only been together a couple of months. It's asking a lot of him to sit at home while I run off.

OP posts:

rightchoice · 07/03/2012 19:34

Why would he have to sit at home, he could build on his own career, take up a hobby, come to visit you for holidays. It is only a year. What if you don't take it and it does not work out. How would you feel looking back on the opportunity lost?

Original poster

impossiblesitu · 07/03/2012 19:36

With bitterness, regret and sadness.

It would fix my financial woes.

I'd have to put an academic course on hold or switch to p/t too, but that would be a weight off my mind in itself.

OP posts:

rightchoice · 07/03/2012 19:40

I think you know you want to..... you know .... take the job!!! If this guy is really really in to you after only a few weeks, he will come around to the idea. Sounds like your world is about to blossom. Please think about the opportunity. 12 months - 52 weeks is nothing at your unfettered stage of life.

janelikesjam · 07/03/2012 19:40

Its only a year. How would you feel if things didn't work out and you lost your great opportunity? Why can he (and you) not "work round" your great opporunity if there is such good things happening for your relationship at this time?

(But I do sympathise with dilemma too in early days of relationship. However, I have a friend who gave up on a great dream for a relationship that petered out within 6 months)

Tiago · 07/03/2012 19:40

Personally - I'd take the job. It's a good opportunity for you.

I left the UK to work in Asia for a year when going out with my (now)DH, and before that we lived for almost a year in totally different towns because that was where our jobs were. A relationship can survive the distance for a year if both parties want it to. You just have quite high telephone bills for a time.

rightchoice · 07/03/2012 19:44

I have decided for you. Take the job. Life is too short to play silly games. Your 'love' for each other should be mature enough to last one short year. If not - then you have answered your own question

HazleNutt · 07/03/2012 19:44

take the job. Sounds like you would regret it if you didn't. A year is not really such a long time.

AThingInYourLife · 07/03/2012 19:48

"We've only been together a couple of months. It's asking a lot of him to sit at home while I run off."

It's asking even more of you to give up an amazing opportunity in your life for a relationship that's only a few months old.

Seriously, take the job.

If you guys are really into each other a year of being apart won't kill it.

tribpot · 07/03/2012 19:50

What's your DP's take on it? How would you feel if the situation were reversed, do you think?

mirpuppet · 07/03/2012 19:52

First year of our relationship DH and I lived on different continents. He came to see me all the time; I also visited him. One of the reasons I knew he was serious.

Indeed I had to make sure I wasn't falling into some Sex & the City fantasy as our times together were so good -- like always being on holiday.

oikopolis · 07/03/2012 19:55

If a year would break the deal for him, then you two are not meant to stay the course, i think.

rightchoice · 07/03/2012 19:57

You are not married, you are not engaged, no children. You need a career, need money - it is a no brainer.

Lueji · 07/03/2012 19:58

You are not even that long into the relationship.
What if he dumps you next month and you have lost this opportunity?

One year is no that long if you really love each other and I'm sure you could visit each other a few times.

puds11 · 07/03/2012 20:00

job without a shadow of a doubt

Harecare · 07/03/2012 20:03

You know it's only a year, so if your relationship is going to last "forever" a year is nothing. Are you hoping to go away and be single for that year or would you prefer to consider yourself as in a relationship while you are away? If you want to be single while you're away that's that. If you are planning on repelling any men who take a shine to you as you consider yourself to be in a relationship then it is perfectly reasonable to explain your hopes and fears to your boyfriend. If he truly loves you a year isn't too long to wait.

maleview70 · 07/03/2012 20:18

You cant really complain if he decides to end it now though if you do take the job.

Original poster

impossiblesitu · 07/03/2012 20:18

Wow.

Pretty much all in agreement then!

I'd find it hard in his position. He will find it very hard. I can't really explain it without outing myself but the sphere in which I work is very hard to get in to, pretty in public eye, and this is an incredible opportunity that could seriously launch my career.

I don't think I have a choice really do I?

OP posts:

rightchoice · 07/03/2012 20:23

Maleview70 If he ends it because she takes the job then he was not worth worrying about in the first place. Why does he need to end it? Surely 52 weeks is nothing if he is considering a life time.

Original poster

impossiblesitu · 07/03/2012 20:26

He's supportive but concerned.

I know he wouldn't be able to handle it. He'd try but it'd frustrate him, we'd argue, it'd end.

OP posts:

rightchoice · 07/03/2012 20:26

impossiblesitu You don't need to choose. Take the job and see if he supports you. If he doesn't then you know you have done the right thing. If you then stay to keep him happy, the we will see you on MN in a few months, but will support you all the same. I'm excited for your opportunity. Take it.

AnyFucker · 07/03/2012 20:28

job

if you are already anticipating he "wouldn't handle it" (what does that even mean ?) then it would be decision made for me

silvereyes · 07/03/2012 20:30

take the job, if he is the one for you, it will work itself out.

it may be tricky at times, but if it was the other way round, would you support his decision to take the same opportunity?

Lizzabadger · 07/03/2012 20:31

Take the job. I once (many years ago) passed up VSO for a man and have forever regretted it.

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