To think Dh is totally out of order?

[Geordieminx]

Wil try and be brief.

Trip to shopping centre yesterday lunch time. Dh who was been there as many times (dozens) as I have gets into wrong lane, starts stressing, I try and tell him (not very sympathetically) which lane, he gets cross, I apparently (not sure) spoke to him like crap.

Anyhoo, he tells me to fucking shut up, in front of ds (4). I tell him to apologise, he refuses. I get ds out of the car, and tell him to give me a ring once he has calmed down as ready to apologise for speaking to me like that. He tells me if I get out of the car he is going and I can make my own way home.

Thought he would calm down, things would be frosty but it would be ok. Only not. He didn't come back, rang him once, no answer.

So ds and I had to make our own way home. (didn't even have any house keys), bus then train then lift from friend, in the rain without any coats. We managed though.

He rocks home at 7.30, goes straight to bed and has made it clear he isn't speaking to me.

Argument aside I can't believe he just drove off and left us. Not quite sure what he expected us to do/get home/in. Thankfully my friend has a key.

Just seems like a total shit house thing to do, esp to a 4 year old who was totally aware of the situation and kept asking why daddy had left us, why he wouldn't come and get us

Did I deserve it?

Sorry, only read to page two. Wondering if you drive, OP? I will read ahead to find out. My DH doesnt drive and it drives me batty when he tries to tell me how to do it...including directions.

I keep thinking of the phase "is it better to be right than happy?" particularly at the moment it's really not clear that you are either.

OP, my advice FWIW is for you to take the moral high ground, make a peace offering ("Look, I'm sorry I swore at you in the car the other day, DS did feel sad that you left us at the shopping centre but can we please move on from this?") and see what you get back (a sorry might be nice).

If he carries on sulking then you have some serious thinking to do.

(I say this as a former sulker myself who has forced myself to stop by realising how totally immature and irritating it was)

Yes I drive, it was my car.

Yes I have spoken to him. Nothing ground breaking but information that needed to passed on, he ignores me.

He is so stubborn that even if I did make a meal he still wouldn't speak or eat it. This is the man that slept on the sofa last night with no blankets rather than share a bed with me.. Not quite sure what he thought I was going to do

My parents were visiting last night, he didn't speak to them either.

The fact he has been ignoring DS would be a deal breaker for me.

You 2 need to talk.

"My parents were visiting last night, he didn't speak to them either."

Serioulsy? I'd either be leaving or kicking him out.

I too am baffled by the 'you're both wrong' camp. So you said he was in the wrong lane? Big whoop. Swearing angrily back is totally out of order.

Mentioning what lane you're in is hardly the world's worst criticism.

My DH nearly had a high speed crash on a slip road with DS in the back, only averted by me screaming at him just in time.

Anybody who thinks that abandoning you and your DC far from home because you mentioned their choice of lane.... is unhinged. Surely.

I couldn't live with it OP. You need to talk.

Well, he sounds like a selfish, ignorant twat. And seems to act at least 3 decades younger than he actually is.

Do not pander to his childishness. If he doesn't come round, he only ends up annoying himself. I'd go about my daily business as per normal and, when he does decide he wants to 'be friends' again....then I'd have a Big Chat with him. And expect an apology. I wouldn't bother even trying to engage him at the moment...seems he's huffing for attention.

I know from previous posts that you are unhappy in your marriage Georgie. Is it time to ask him if he wants to split? That might make things clearer. He is not acting like a man who wants to remain in a relationship with you.

Sorry, Geordie.

I can't believe the shit you're getting, Geordieminx. Your husband is completely overreacting over a petty argument. It's one thing to ignore you (which makes him a tosspot who needs to do a lot of grovelling), but to actively avoid and ignore your DS is unforgivable.

What you were arguing over and who was in the right or wrong is irrelevant after this much time has passed. The fact that he behaves like a stubborn, spoilt, ignorant brat to his wife and child would have me packing his overnight bag and leaving it out for him. That way he can have the "space" he seems to be so desperately craving (sleeping on the sofa, ignoring you and DS) and you can discover what it's like to only have one child to take care of, not your DS and a 48-year-old toddler as well.

What cat said.

say these words later ''grow up or move out''
i would not be putting up with this shit
if i had an arguement with husband and he left me 20 miles from home with or without the kids i would have kicked his balls by now

time to decide if this is what you want from life for you and your kid

Geordieminx On reading yoru last two posts, about him not speaking to your parents then i just don;t know what to say He has been ignoring your son too? OMG! I am so sorry - i suggest you cook a lovely meal for him does sound somewhat insulting now, maybe cook the lovely meal for him, dress up seductively and poison the bastard would be more appropriate.

Oh love, im so sorry but this is so much worse than a spat over his driving. I suspect the whole over reaction on both parts is a reflection that things are not great between you.

I dont know what to advise, I think maybe ask to get this thread deleted because like myself people are going to post based just on your OP and that is far from the full story and you re not going to get support which is hat you need - maybe repost in relationships :(

RhinosDontEatPancakes wrote: "If i were the op i would say "I'm sorry for snapping at you and for getting out of the car like that" then i would walk away and leave it up to him and get on with my day."

That is good advice!

Each side thinks they're in the right and that the other is the 'problem'. All they want is for the other to admit it and apologise. They are both going to hold out until this happens! This is to behave like 2 year olds!

The truth is, you can't 'make' someone else do anything. Upping the ante is not the solution - it only makes the problem bigger. They're going to end up burning the house down with themselves and their child in it!

There is a story written for 2 year-olds which they should both read and then discuss together because I think they need to start at this level. It's written by Dr Seuss and is called 'The Zax'.

If you can't be bothered to read the whole thread, you can at least scroll through and read all the op's updates ... surely?

He sounds like a stubborn, petty, sulky teenager. Self absorbed, arrogant and must.not.be.questioned.

I would actually tell him either to a) stop sulking, its not attractive or b) pack a bag if you are really that terrible.

What manipulative old bastard.

OP "He is so stubborn that even if I did make a meal he still wouldn't speak or eat it."

I'd say you don't have a good track record of predicting what your husband will do (see your first post). My advice is to get rid of the parents and your DS and sort things out with DH. The problem is between the two of you. If you don't want to sort it out, get on with the separation. 'Sorting out' does not mean extracting an apology. It means being honest about your feelings without turning it into a personal attack and admitting your own contribution to the problems. It also means listening to his point of view rather than the points of view of mumsnetters. Maybe then he'll listen to yours.

Why would two people who let a relatively trivial matter escalate so much be with one another? Is there a back story/other issues? It seems as though they really do not like one another.

That poor boy being caught in the middle of all this.

Seriously, there is no way in hell I would stay in a relationship like that, being treated like a leper and ignored for days on end over a 'wrong tone of voice' and asking for an apology after being sworn at. If my dp had done that he would have come home to find the door locked and he could have slept in the car, what a twat.

You shouldn't have snipped at him, but snipping doesn't deserve being verbally abused then abandoned 20 miles from home with your child and a cash card, let alone the silent treatment for days. Your husband needs to seriously grow up, the fact that he ignored your parents too shows what a petty, selfish childish brat he is.

He totally overreacted and then didn't even have the decency to apologise, instead he acts like a knob for days until YOU cave, tell him to fuck the fuck off.

I totally agree with what diotima said.

YOU are still perpetuating the issue. Separate or stay together and work together to make it better.

OMG he ignored me while people were he and I only spoke to him when I had information I had to pass on.

Neither of you have said one word to each other about what you intend to do about the situation. Please can you both stop sulking and grow up

swearing at a backseat driver, really does not make you a bad or abusive person.

Ignoring each other of days does. But actually it looks to me both of them are doing that .

I know I know the OP will tell me she isn't ignoring him because there was an important piece of information she had to pass on

Okay in my marriage the following would have happened: I make the comment about the lane, DH (stressed for some reason) shouts at me -swearing, I storm out of the car with DC. So far the same, but then DH drives around for a bit and calms down, then either he phones me or answers the phone, we meet up, both apologise and life continues.
No driving off for hours, no not answering phone, no just abandoning me, no silent treatment for days (especially for DC and visitors).
I think this is behaviour you have to deal with, and the OP might not be innocent, but if her DH can't even start to act like an adult there is little hope or even room for an apology.

Georgieminx is he trying to push for a divorce by passive/aggressive means?

Are your parents aware of what he did?

If this had happened to your best friend and she asked for advice, what would you say?

You know I think I might just slip away from this thread as every single comment I make is getting twisted.

When I said "info" I meant not innane chit chat... Things like there is shepherds pie in the fridge, ds is doing xyz, you have a physio appoint tonight (I get charged if he doesn't go) which is actually quite a lot since I have only actually been in the same room as him twice since Sunday lunch time.