The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Giving Up The Booze For Lent (or just for today)

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Bus where you'll find a mix of drinker, non drinkers, those who has been sober for a long time, and those who are getting there One Day At A Time.

Come and say hi....... we won't bite

And if you want to know how this all got started, HERE is a link to the previous threads.

Rain, oh you poor thing :( I am not a huggy type of person but I will send you a big, big hug... I don't know whether I should say this as I cannot offer any suggestions or help, but I feel exactly the same. I could have written almost every single word you wrote :( To the outside world (including my DH and DC), I am generally happy and smiling and certainly appear to be functioning very well. When I'm alone or in bed I cry... I feel so overwhelmed by the sadness of my 'background' and I just don't seem able to put it all behind me and move on. I haven't really mentioned it on here because I don't want to put a downer on the thread. I would hate any lurkers out there to see people cutting down on their drinking and actually feeling worse. There is NO part of me that thinks that going back to the drinking and hangovers is a good idea. Physically I feel so much better, and the guilt and self-hatred is gone and that is a massive, massive improvement. But for me I think that the drinking was a distraction - let's face it I was either tipsy/pissed or hungover for the majority of the last few years. Now I am stone cold sober for the vast majority of the time and there is nothing to distract me from 'me'. Sorry, this has turned into a me, me, me post and it wasn't supposed to. I hope you're OK this morning. Please do talk on here. I have found it very, very helpful to open up on here. And like the others said, the ADs stand a much better chance of working if you stop drinking. I'd have thought you'd see a definite improvement if you carry on cutting down. Sorry I can't think of anything else to add. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in feeling like I think you do x

I had some counselling when I was younger. I got sent to the NSPCC each week but to be honest I didn't want to be there and just spent the time colouring! I also was involved in a police investigation (as the victim) so had to talk to a lot of officers etc. The NSPCC thing was more part of this at the beginning (two way mirrors and cameras etc). I had numerous social workers until I was old enough to be discharged at 16 and then after a short spell sectioned in an adult psych hospital I left and made my own way in the world.

I never sought any help after all that as I think I was put off talking after all the interventions in my childhood. I have done really well in my life considering everything. I went back into education and have a good job and have really done well to pull myself up and I am providing a much better life for my DCs but I have these waves of sadness and I just can't understand why as my life is good now.

I am grateful to have found you lovely ladies as I couldn't ever tell any of my friends in RL about my background. I feel ashamed and embarrased. I live hundreds of miles away from where I was brought up so I really did start a fresh here 10 years ago. I don't want to spoil what I have now.

Morning girls. Booze+ads are a real no no. Very common though, you know the story, go to the doc, feeling down, quick explanation of why, your 10 minute appointment if that is up, prescription, next patient. Come back in a months time. You are taking two drugs that just don't mix. The occassional drink is fine, but I think we may be past the odd one Trinity!!

Faire and I seem to be in tandem here, why oh why is there such a stigma about mental health? Rain, you are allowed to be sad sometimes, and selfish, common denominator apart from the drink here is that most of us are people pleasers and never please ourselves. It sounds like you have come a very long way. It's tiring. Have a rest.

Please be safe everyone. xx

Morning all,the slight boinginess I had yesterday has retreated but I think that is more to do with the fact there is howling wind and rain outside.

I did not drink last night but I did do something just for me.I went to my local spiritualist church and am soooo glad I did,I felt really at home there,ordinary looking people there but not ordinary people when you got to know them.I went with a friend of mine who has just started to dip her toes into the pool that is spritualism and I think she may now be scared off a bit as she got a message through.Still I was feeling very light and energised when I got home.Before I would have walked in at 10.30pm and poured a glass of wine and put the tv on,last night I came in,made a cuppa and went straight to bed with some magazines to flick through,mr quiet had already given up on me and gone to bed and there was none of his usual quips about how I should know stuff

Rain sending lots of healing thoughts to you and for the record IMO I think those of us who have really struggled in life with one thing or another really do make the best humans as we have a greater understanding of life

Trinity I started my ad 21/2 weeks ago,the 1st time I drank and took one at the same time I nearly passed out but have to say when I don't drink in the week I am starting (only just mind) to see a slight improvement

Bproud you have used a word that is rather underused IMO discombobulated,love this wrd but then I read the dictionary

JWN are you sure you posted about the straps ion the right forum

I hope everyone has a lovely day am off to do something now as the sun is peeking out from behind a cloud :o

Isinde you called

I erm fell of the bus last night. Or as Trinity put it ... fell off the badger...

Went to parents evening, came home and got stuck into a bottle of wine. Which was not wise given that DD needed me and I had to spend the night nose to nose with her in her bed. Poor baby must have breathed in my winey breath

On the plus side I have been busy working today and it was all good re DD at parents night. She's exceptionally talented, beautiful, popular etc. Just like me!

Or in real life: she is learning well, won't have a problem with the learning at school and gets on well with all the children so once she settles into school (which might be difficult for a bit) she will be fine. They also commented that she might like the structure of school and that they think she is destined for a life on the stage. For new people - in real life I am neither beautiful or talented (honestly my eczema is SO disgusting, every time I blink a bit more of my face flakes off).

Anyway, plan tonight is to work until I collapse, leaving no time for drinking. Its not exactly bullet proof but its a plan.

... and I was not at one with a staples catalogue.

but now I want to spend the afternoon searching for nice stationery.

oh dear lord I have fallen into heaven.........

inde you like dictionaries

MsGee you like nice stationary

as I yes I love both those things,everyone please tell me what your loves are

the world is such a happy place :o only came on here as was feeling a nicotine craving ( rather than a wine one) to take my mind off it

Quiet

I like maps, nice stationery and spend far too long formatting excel sheets - the font and colour is VERY important to me.

I LOVE to do lists. I have a monthly timesheet (excel) which I translate into a plan for the month (listing hours per client per day to do). This plan is colour coded. I then have a weekly to do list on my whiteboard. I then do a daily to do list. Crossing things off a to do list is heaven to me .

I have an excel sheet planning my yearly life objectives . This is split into various headings: financial, holidays, weight loss, house repairs etc.

(ok, so I might have picked up some of DH's ASD traits along the way - but mine is more anxiety based!)

Oh and the whiteboard is colour coded too - three colours

oh MsGee I think I might love you :o

I do love colour codong things and they have to be straight if I make a list,if I make a mistake then the list goes in the bin and I start again.I still do mine with pen and paper,have tried to do it on the puter but it's beyond my capabilities and mr quiet shouted at me when he tried to teach me excel,word and power point,he was quite cross as he had loaded them all onto my laptop.

I have thought of another really bad quirk of mine,one that I need to deal with.When me and the little quiets paly monopoly I get really anxious if the pieces,cards,money,houses ect are not entirely straight and have to make them all straight before play can resume

inde brouhaha,yummy word and don't worry about spelling,I can spell but I can't type which is why my words look like total rubbish sometimes

Ooh guess what, guess what, guess what? I've just bought 2 big white boards for my office, and then I went to Hobbycraft and I bought 2 sets of stacking boxes. There are 11 in a stack - almost enough for one per month - and they are really lovely bright colours. So that's me all organised. And now I've synchronised my on line spread sheets with my desk diary, and with my little tiny handbag diary. I know that (in theory) I could do it all electronically and sync my phone and computer, but I really like the feel (and smell) of a proper paper diary (or two). And I can only use the text and phoning people functions on my phone

rain and sssm I am glad that you feel you can post here. I think that living without alcohol is not 'worse' or 'normal' it's just REAL. And living real life without using an artificial way of altering our moods, is well, sometimes just difficult. Rain I understand what you say about feeling sad even though your life is good, but for me, I've found that in the midst of tough times, I just put my head down and battle on, and it is only when times ARE better, and I feel safe and secure that I can let my inner defenses down and allow myself to feel the sadness and pain.

Quiet

- I do that with to do lists too! My daily list (which is updated twice a day!) is pen and paper. Excel is wonderful - have a play without Mr Quiet and you might just fall for it.

When I make lego I get a bit annoyed when DD 'ruins' my masterpieces by taking them apart or adding to them .

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Sorry not to read back, things are hectic and not so great here.

DH is now better but Nemo is as bad as ever with his glue ear. It's waking him in the night and he's spiking a temp with it because of his cold.

DD has just gone off to the Orthodontist so I'm hoping that they are going to come home with a plan of action. She needs her teeth sorting but doesn't want a removable brace, she wants train tracks as she calls them. DH has gone with her so everything should be okay.........

So, I had an MRI on my upper neck last Friday, no results as yet, nor for my chest x-ray. My pain cons is going to refer me to a spine surgeon with the recommendation of surgery. He said that they could remove the disk that is protruding onto my nerve endings, causing so much pain.

I'm not deciding on anything until I know all the facts.

He also changed my meds. I've dropped myself down with my ADs, I was on 40mg (from 60mg) to 20mg of Citalopram because I'm now taking 10mg of Amitriptyline is the morning and afternoon and then my normal 25mg in the evening.

Hopefully this new schedule will help block the pain without blocking my head! So far I feel a bit............... 'odd' and sleepy, so apologies if I suddenly go off on a tangent.

Thank the Lord for CBeebies. Off to read back as much as my eyes will allow.

Thanks for the update Mouse, lots of things for you to think about there, not easy decisions to make x

Re the braces, I think you have to go with what they recommend. My dd had to have blocks which can be removed, before moving on to train tracks. But the treatment is going really well.

MsGee, Quiet I love lists, charts, maps and stationery. Sometimes I just stand in front of the stationery cupboard at work and stare wistfully . . .

On the subject of interesting words, I was thinking today about interesting old sayings. Like 'he knows which side his bread is buttered'. We all know what most of these old sayings mean but this is what I was thinking . . . why aren't we making new sayings now which will be old sayings in the future? I don't remember hearing and new ones. Hmmm, this is bothering me now .

ooh MsGee you can do spreadsheets . I hate them with a passion because i can't do them!!
I love words, and poetry, and books, and green glass jewellery.....

Ignoring everyone (except a brief wave to ma ) and still thinking about stationary - my most exciting Christmas was when I got a Dymo thing, and tapes, so that I could print name labels for everything - bliss

Ma I love books too,we have bookcases full of them here,far too many for a normal family

venus I got one of those for christmas years ago and everone got fed up with me going around labeling everything :o

faire new sayings you say,now there's a challenge to keep our brains active

Rain and S/Smum and others that are battling with past demons, I agree with venus, it is only because I now feel Good and Strong that I have been able to face up to my past.

I have had my head down and been concentrating on first surviving, then achieving, working, loving, looking after my family for 30/40 years!

All of those things take strength when you have suffered abuse, but hey we have done it. We may have had to use some form of 'help' and coping mechanisms like alcohol, ADs, control stuff with food and self harm - not ideal but it has got us through.
It has taken me months of being sober to be ready to deal with it, and who knows I may have to revisit and deal with again in the future, but please remember we are strong and unique women, we can't change the past, but we can change ourselves and our future for the better, one day and one step at a time.
here endeth the sermon

waves back at venus

So glad you clocked in Mouse. Hoping so much that little Nemo feels better soon, and wish I had a cyber wand that got rid of your pain even for a few hours.

I'm tired, been a day to remember at the surgery today, wish I had a magic wand for everyone there too. So so sad. This disease is a scourge of epic proportions, a cancer of the soul I have decided.

Please be safe everyone. xx

I am just writing a report and the word 'discombobulated' appeared in feedback from young people ... so the word is alive and well wiht the next generation!

Struggling a bit. DH is out and he has not phoned me which he knows is NOT ON because I WORRY.

I will stay at the computer a bit longer and not reach for the wine just now.

Hello?