The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Giving Up The Booze For Lent (or just for today)

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Bus where you'll find a mix of drinker, non drinkers, those who has been sober for a long time, and those who are getting there One Day At A Time.

Come and say hi....... we won't bite

And if you want to know how this all got started, HERE is a link to the previous threads.

Welcome aboard Chasing. You're in the right place . I think everyone's out sunning themselves at the moment but some of us will be around later I'm sure.

Hol was lovely thanks, v restful.

Today is day 1. I think DH gets now that I am struggling so much. He has agreed to help me and we agreed I Have To Stop.

I feel relieved.

Great. Thanks Silly & apologies to all if I'm hijacking in any way.
Where to start...
Well the bottom line is that 99% of days I get to 6pm & all I can think about is getting DCs in bed so I can open a bottle of wine. I then drink about 3 glasses until eating dinner at about 8pm & then stop. As a result I don't sleep properly, wake up feeling dehydrated, grumpy with DCs & DH and at best with a headache.

Consequently feel penitant (SP?) and resolved to stop drinking for about 4 hours & then start thinking about what to eat for dinner & maybe I'll just buy that cheeky bottle while I'm in the supermarket.
Have been stuck in this cycle for at least 10 years, although originally it was come in from stressful day at work & have drink to relax. Now it has transferred to get kids to bed & have drink to unwind. Think I am just stuck in a really bad habit rather than becoming a full blown alcoholic (hence the stopping as soon I start eating) but who am I kidding - I could just as likely be Queen of Denial!!!
My head tells me to stop, cost, being grumpy with kids, feeling shite, but somehow that 1st glass always makes it all better.
Great husband, lovely kids, good home life, absolutely no reason to be stuck like this but it has been a habit for so long I can't break free of it. Have tried, the cup of tea, read a mag, take a bath etc... to find other ways to relax but nothing else hits the mark of a large chilled PG!!
Have decided enough is enough but where to start.... have been down this road before but within a few weeks am back to square one.
what to do???

Hi chasing welcome to the bus . I think if we knew the answer to your dilemma, the bus would not exist! So many of us are in the same position and we all have to find, through trial and error, what works for us. Do you want to stop completely, or only drink on certain days/occasions?

If you can get a few sober days under your belt it does get easier, but of course the first few days are the hardest. It's all about resisting that first drink.

So are you drinking today?

Faire you are so right. NOT drinking today as still feel hungover fragile from last night (cheap wine but didn't I pay for it!). Also having early dinner as a family (almost impossibe during the week) so not tempted to do the usual bath/bed/booze run!!!
there just seem to always be a reason to have a drink: happy, sad, tired, just coz..... wish I could just leave it alone.

Maybe you could think about changing your routines and having dinner at a different time during the week, even if it means your dh eats later on his own? Perhaps you could go out to an exercise class, run or swim as soon as the dcs are in bed? It helps to change routines, so that you avoid some of the triggers.

yes, you're right. Have tried in the past to change my schedule, but just too easy to slip back into that old cosy routine. Not helped by DH coming home most nights after 7, but realise that it will take a decent amount of effort on my part to habits of the last 15 years.

welcome chasing your story is a very familiar one on here. It is a hard habit to break - I have yet to figure out how to do it but will be trying again this week.
had a lovely few hours at the beach with DS and mum. We paddled and had ice-cream. having big problems with DH again (for those of you who know the story). A lot of mental pressure and twisting of things - not nice. He will not be home tonight and I will not be home tomorrow night, both work related, so hopefully things will have calmed down by Tuesday.....
mouse I HEAR you

Sorry things are still rubbish with DH, Ma. It must be so hard . Sounds like you had a lovely time at the beach though. Well done for getting on and doing nice stuff despite everything that's going on.

Chasing, I soooo identify with you! I'm still v much a work in progress but some of the things that are helping me are: planning the afternoon and tea-time/bath-time etc quite thoroughly with the aim of keeping me as calm as possible. That sounds really selfish doesn't it? The calmer I am, the happier the DC are though. Eating with the DC has helped me too. Maybe hunger was another trigger for me, I know it can be for some people. I think if you can get a few non-drinking days under your belt you'll find a real incentive to stop you drinking (or drinking as often anyway). I too sleep badly when I drink. Sleeping properly is bloody brilliant . Get loads of non-alcoholic treats in as your new rewards for surviving another day, and see how you get on! And keep posting!

Hope everyone is OK. It's been such a hectic weekend. Had 3 drinks on Friday but none yesterday, and I'm not drinking tonight. DH away now for 5 days. Aarrgghh! I won't manage if I drink (got loads on - sod's law). I need to not drink and sleep lots. Best go to bed then!

Night all

Morning everyone,

Spring has hidden again here, after such a lovely weekend.

Isinde I hope you managed to get lots of water down last night before you went to bed, and that you don't feel too bad this morning. xxx

I hope everyone has a good day.
xxxx

Morning all! Looks murky out, but I'm sure it'll brighten.

Silly hectic evening last night, with detours for petrol and not home til 'late for a schoolnight'; however unlike any average night a few years back it wasn't then topped off with a bottle of wine, a sleepless night and then a hangover.

Hurrah! Good Mondays to you all.

And a jolly good Monday to you too, hurrah!

We had our first bbq of the year yesterday and not a drop of alcohol for me, although hose had one bottle of beer. He was going to offer the dcs some ginger beer with lemonade but as it was not alcohol free I asked him not too. No point in them starting those habits and associations so early!

Sun still out here so feeling pretty chipper this morning .

(P'raps we could call the sidecar Shane, ma, what do you think?)

Have a spiffing day babes x

thanks for your thoughts. Can def see triggers with food & time of day. Last week bought a box of cheap white (classy! ) and ashamed to say it was empty within 4 nights. Don't even want to think about what level of alcohol consumption that is.
In the rest of my life I am a reasonably sensible person, logic tells me that there is absolutely no benefits to drinking, but just can't seem to stop. ARRRG .
Silly did you give up booze altogether or just try & restrict it? I have tried the 'booze free' nights before, where have stern words with self to just drink at weekends. Well..... weekends soon became Thurs to Sun, then Thurs to Mon, then what the hell, may as well drink on other nights coz wine is in house/bad day/good day/bored etc etc
Have even made poor DH detour on way home on several occiasions to buy a bottle (which admittedly he will also drink) & feel jittery if there is no wine in house.
So Day 2 of no wine; gonna eat tea with tired & grumpy DCs tonight (deep joy!) & see where that takes me. XX

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

PROUD MOUSE MOMENT - Nemo is asking for food and yesterday he had two lots of Heinz tomato soup, 3/4 of a chocolate pudding, he's asked for food every time I've been in the kitchen and even tried our burgers (by licking them) that we had for dinner, plus the salad. x100.

It's been a tough day so far here, I think the drop in my meds is making me go a doolally. I need to see how the next few days are, and then look at upping them again. I'm feeling rather hostile towards myself just now.

I'd quite easily smash something into the far side of fuck.... Hmm, best stay out of everyone's way then! It seems to be the little things that are winding me up.

Hello chasing - absolutely no reason to be stuck like this but it has been a habit for so long I can't break free of it - yes, you can.

With support and understanding, you CAN AND WILL break the cycle. With or without help, you can stop drinking but you have to want to.

You have to want it more than your last breath, more than anything. Drinking can swallow you up and before you know it, the odd glass becomes the odd bottle, the odd bottle and a glass...... you can see where I'm going with this.

You're a smart cookie, YOU ARE IN CONTROL of your drinking, no-one else. I hope that you find a nice comfy seat on the Bus, I promise to do bacon rolls tomorrow morning if I'm up in time!

Ma - mwahs and hugs to you lovely lady

MsGee - good to see you here, hope that DD is back to her normal boingy self.

Sorry not to name check everyone, I'm super tired and need my bed but have a good few hours yet. DH said I was all over the place last night, jumpy and twitchy... attractive or what!

Right, time for food, be back when I've caught up properly, diet started today.... so far, tis all groovy.

Hi Chasing. Just a v quick one as I too am chasing my tail today. Aarrgghh!

At the moment I am just trying to limit the amount I drink. I have been doing loads better since I gave up for what was for me a decent length of time, a month. That really helped me to get out of the habit of routine drinking. And it helped me to really feel the benefits of being sober too. Since then I've found it so much easier to just drink at weekends or whatever, and to limit the amount of drink, too. I'm still slipping up at times but overall I'm pleased (and extremely surprised!). Good luck with tonight. Don't expect to enjoy your tea...! But maybe not being hungry will keep the cravings at bay. Maybe it won't, but then you can try something else. This is all a long experiment in my opinion - getting to know ourselves and our triggers and what we should or shouldn't do to look after ourselves and keep us healthy. Let us know how you get on.

Anyone else jiggling about a million different things today?? Hope you're all having good days

Quick hello to Mouse. Well done Nemo. Be nice to yourself

Hey Mouse - yay to Nemo

DD licked a piece of salad yesterday and tried olive bread. Its the closest she's got to salad in well, ever ... so v happy.

Day 2 here. DH being supportive. Mega busy at work. Might pick DD up from nursery early too. She's too lovely and I miss her.

Hi Silly - a whole month of no booze. that's impressive. Don't think I've done that since I was about 15 !! How sad is that.
This airing of my dirty little secret (& that's what it feels like, can't even talk to DH about it) has got me thinking. Am I an alcoholic?? Guess the fact I'm even asking indicates some sort of problem at the very least. OR have I just got into a bad habits which are solvable if I can just change my routines?? Maybe I need the big "A" label to finally try & sort this out.
How old are peoples "Nemos"? I have 2 and their eating requirements never cease to astound me!
Musings, musings...

Right. Today I am trying to start with my new rules. So that means

1. No drinking mon-thurs
2. No drinking before kids in bed
3. Never more than half a bottle

I hAve tried and failed so many times before but I really want it to work
This time.

Kids' tea time definitely a trigger for me too chasing. Am planning to keep busy cleaning up while they eat and then once they are in bed I will work and have a bath if there's time.

One question for the old-timers. Any advice on how to cope with the desire to lose weight as well as cut back on booze? I decided not to focus too much on food for now as I would need to be able to treat myself if not drinking. However in anticipation of a no booze day I have already eaten my own weight in biscuits today and am not feeling great about myself... Maybe I should try to tackle both together so I can feel super virtuous?! Any thoughts?

Ps fairenuff am so impressed with the idea of a booze free BBQ. It almost sounds like a contradiction in itself.

Went out for a rare night at the weekend and got totally wasted. It was a good night though and I was more sober than most, given the fact that they had started at 1 pm and I only arrived at 7 pm. I deliberately arrived late because I did not trust myself not to drink if I arrived earlier .

I say it was a 'good night' because it was fun. However, I am cross with myself - why did I get so hammered? I don't even remember getting to bed and I felt AWFUL yesterday. Felt so guilty because it was a beautiful day, my dc was playing and I was in bed during the day sleeping off a hangover... and yes, I did have a couple glasses of wine last night.

I am also annoyed for myself for worrying about the budget and price increases on booze - I know they're trying to stop people preloading up on booze before they go out but I would be amazed if it works. People will find booze if it's there to find.

Afternoon all

Greyhound if you could go back in time and do Saturday night again, what would you change? The next time you are out socialising, bear in mind how you feel now and how you would have preferred to feel. Learn from this. This is how we find out about ourselves and our drinking habits. If it wasn't right this time, do something different the next time x

The "drink, regret, forget" cycle is common amongst all drinkers. How many people wail 'never again' when suffering a hangover. But for a lot of us, the urge to drink is stronger than the urge not to. Those of us who do not want to drink today, just have to resist that first glass. Just for one day. We can do it if we really want to. No matter how strong that craving is, it's just one day. About 6 hours or so. I can do that. You can do that .

There is an analogy on this bus about a boxing ring. Every time you drink, you are gettng into a boxing ring with booze as your opponent. Every time you get in the ring, it beats the crap out of you. You always lose, you always feel bad. Booze wins every time. But you keep getting back in the ring. Why do you keep getting back in the ring? Haven't you had enough yet? Do you really want the crap beaten out of you again and again and again?

The only way you can win is to not get into the ring. Throw in the towel, turn your back and walk away.

Mouse yay, yay, yay, fabby news about Nemo but sorry to hear you're suffering again . Hope you get a good rest tonight x

ferfux I am dieting. I have tried for years but could not stick to it whilst I was drinking. Since I have (more or less) stopped drinking (I think I've had about 8 glasses over the last 12 weeks now) I have been able to stick to my healthy eating.

I would say if you need to replace drink with food, then eat whatever you like to stop yourself drinking for now. Once that is under control, you can change you eating habits. However, for me, snacks and drink went together (cheese, crackers, wine, nuts, crisps, wine, etc.). So I have been on a healthy long term weight loss plan which means no snacking or drinking. I started in January and have lost 21lb so far. I will not drink now until Easter Sunday and possibly Monday, then I will stop again until a big family gathering in May, then I will be back on the diet until I go on holiday in June. For me, sticking to my diet has been a massive motivation for not drinking. I know that if I drink, I will nibble. And I really, really want to shift this weight. So it has really helped me stay focussed, but you will have to find what suits you best. If you are dieting, what do you think you can do to help control your drinking?

Phew, long post x

Thanks for your reply Fairenuff. You're absolutely right about snacks and drinks going together: cheese, crackers, wine, nuts, crisps, wine, etc - you just wrote a list of my favourite things (excluding chocolate and biscuits....)! So in a sense I should find it easier to lose weight if I give up/cut down on the booze.

I've been trying to get my head around my problems with food and drink and think that essentially they are very similar issues. As as child I was quite big - not massive, and certainly not as large as I was made to feel I was - but chubby. In a misguided (I now feel anyway) attempt to help me, from the age of about 8 onwards my parents were constantly trying to get me to diet - and I really resented it. Even though I wanted to be slim I really hated being denied certain foods, or being told I shouldn't have them. So I ate a lot in secret and never lost much weight, though I never got particularly big either.

When I was old enough to start drinking my father in particular was very keen I shouldn't drinking- he is teetotal - and so of course I rebelled against that and took every possible opportunity to get pissed with my mates. And so it has continued for the past 25 or so years...

Massive over-simplification of course, but I do think what I have described is probably the root of my lack of self-control. So now the problem is that when I do try to exert some self control the old feelings of resentment come back. I feel it is being imposed on me, even though of course I am the one in control.

Hmmm, food for thought. Maybe I just need to convince myself I am really the one in control. Or maybe I need to get some therapy!

Anyway, you sound to be doing amazingly Fairenuff - I would love to have lost 21 lbs and be so in control with the booze. How do you manage to be so moderate when you do drink? My worry is that I will just revert to knocking back a bottle or two.

Sorry, this has turned into such a massive introspective post. I have also just ignored the kids all the way through their tea. Still, I would normally be on at least my second glass by now. As it is I have had one alcohol-free beer, several crackers and a packet of chocolate buttons.

Oh god, I must have bored everyone to sleep with that last post. Apologies again. Just checking in really to say I made it through this evening so far with the help of alcohol free beer and snacks and will be going to bed pretty soon. Really hoping for a decent night's kip but suspect DD2 will stick to her usual middle-of-the-night wake-up.

Anyway, first sober night in at least a month. It's a start.

Hope everyone else is doing OK.