The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Giving Up The Booze For Lent (or just for today)

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Bus where you'll find a mix of drinker, non drinkers, those who has been sober for a long time, and those who are getting there One Day At A Time.

Come and say hi....... we won't bite

And if you want to know how this all got started, HERE is a link to the previous threads.

Any chance of missing Saturday night?

Hi everyone! Lovely day

I am on nights this week so have only just got up and going in tonight so that is a great way to stop drinking. I am also in work 7 Saturday morning so should not drink Friday night.

SSSM I am aiming to stop altogether because I have an addictive personality and drinking is always a slippery slope for me. I am at the top right now but it doesn't take me long to slide.

Enough about me. Mouse - sorry to hear about Nemo. I have a great admiration for you as a full time carer.

Greyhound - I don't think there is anything you can replace alcohol with. It's just a case of coming to the realisation that drinking too much is not worth the down sides.

Hope everyone is having a good day in the sun.

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

We've been swimming again this morning, rather than to Stay & Play. DH came too and it was really, really lovely to spend even an hour together.

I have to let this out - I'm fucking fuming (sorry)

Nemo's respite worker has cancelled yet afuckingain because she's still poorly. That in itself is fine, but I didn't get a call first thing, I got the call after 11am and I had made plans for this afternoon when she was due. There is no care available for the following three weeks either.

Thankfully, DH is going to have a few days off over the Easter holidays to help give me a break, which is fab but the way that the respite system works is just shite at times.

SSSM - It's brilliant to see you back on here more, I missed you. I'm sorry that you too had a night of broken sleep. That's the biggest killer for me, not the lack of sleep, the broken sleep. I can live on 4 hours, as long as they are 4 SOLID hours. I hope tonight is better for you lovely xx

helpyourself - 27 months?! WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!! That is amazing. Well done you!

Grey - I'm with you on not wanting to get PIP (Pissed In Public) because I know that I will regret it. I always have, every single time I have been drunk in a social situation, I have dreaded the next day.

So, like you, behind closed doors, I can get as drunk as I like, well, as long as DH is around to pick up the pieces. Shameless, utterly shameless when I am like that. The last time I was like that was last August, on holiday and I smashed my face in. Not big, not clever and very difficult to explain to my DD and her friend.

Time for the park and feeding the ducks I think, Nemo is getting bored. Be back later

Oh, and our old builder, the one we sacked for being utterly shite has just waled up the driveway to look at what our current builder is doing! Then he stood leaning against the fence looking at the oak porch that the competent builder also did for us.

I think he may have come to look just how to build!

Sorry, I forgot to wave at Rain - hello you xx

He's probably looking at the porch and thinking that's clever!

Mouse sorry to hear about Nemo. Hope he feels better. Had a few problems with dodgy builders myself. Found myself watching Cowboy Builders last night and all I could think was "Doesn't Melinda Messenger have a strange face?". She's obviously had a nose job and her nose looks odd, small and pointy.

I did get completely wasted in public last summer. I broke my 'rule' of not drinking during the day. I was at a gathering for people doing a charity event and the host cracked open a bottle of wine at noon. I didn't stop drinking until nearly ten hours later but was, somehow, still able to stand up. The people there must have thought I was a complete horror. Someone gave me a lift to the hotel I was staying in and I just opened the door to my room and passed out on the bed :( Felt gruesome the next day.

One odd thing - I have never, ever thrown up through drink. It doesn't matter how wasted I get, my stomach is like cast iron. I do get dreadful hangovers, though.

As for triggers - well, TV in the evenings, child in bed, time for wine. Gah. I wish I had never touched drink but then, I suppose, I would be addicted to something like gambling or drugs.

SSSM I used to hate tea time when my dcs were little too. For all the same reasons as you, everyone is tired and cranky but it's too early for bed!

I swapped mealtimes around for a while so that they ate their main meal at lunchtime and just had a lighter, easier to prepare evening meal, often just sandwiches or a selection of cheese, crackers, ham, grapes, etc. We used to call it 'picky bits' and the dcs loved it. Sometimes I would put a sheet on the living room floor and they would have a 'picnic' in front of the tv. I would just put all the food out and they filled their own plates with what they wanted.

Try to work a routine going backwards from bedtime, so that you have something to fill each half hour. So, before bed, story. Before story, bath. Before bath, run around playtime. Before that helping to tidy up. Before that eating dinner. Before that a shared activity (drawing, baking, jigsaws, etc.)

This meant I could start the whole 'bedtime' routine at about 4pm and dh and I ate later in the evening after they had gone to bed. If I didn't already have something prepared, he would cook.

Hopefully if you can avoid getting too frazzled you can avoid the wine too . The clocks are changing this weekend, which means lighter evenings, so you will soon be able to take them out to the park or for a long walk to burn off their energy. And maybe some of those picnics could actually be outside x

Silver obviously it is terribly sad that your mum is so seriously ill, but I am sure she will be more comfortable in the Hospice than anywhere else. Am thinking of you.

Thank you for all your kind messages Babes

Mum settled into the hospice today and we'll see how she goes.

I had to get another prescription for naltrexone but my Doc is in Africa - he e-mailed me one and I took it to local chemist to get it filled

Snot-faced, arse wipe, uptight bitch of a pharmacist "Oh no no no - this is completely unacceptable, no no no, we can't fill this, I need the original, and any way we don't stock it...."

Me - patient smile - "yes I realise that, but I was going to ask you to order it in, and my doctor will post you the original prescription"

Her "no I couldn't possibly, not acceptable at all"

She walks away so I pulled a right face at her departing derriere - the other woman working there couldn't stop laughing.

Silly cow - not like I was asking for a shit load of heroin on prescription

Anyways that leaves me naltrexoneless from Sunday and Doc not back till Monday then has to post it to me...so Tues at earliest. Bugger Bugger Bugger

Or I could just not drink until I get my tablets

On a lighter note DP has found his inner youth and is now in a band

He has a gig tomorrow night and I am going to attempt to sneak my 11 year old DD into the pub and hope they will let her stay

Again - we shall see -

Much love to all xxxxx

Or I could just not drink until I get my tablets

It's not the most ridiculous idea you know!

What can you do to make that happen? Can we do anything?

Its quiet on the bus tonight so, excuse me, I am just going to unburden myself and say that I feel like an absolutely shite person atm (not drink related) am confronting something not very nice about me and it is no kind of fun without drink to soften the impact.

I think we are our own worst critics bibbity. I am sure no-one else judges you so harshly as you judge yourself, my lovely. Have a ((hug)) from me too. Hope you feel a bit better after a good nights sleep x

Thank you inde . Hope you ok tonight.

bibbity I am sure that at sometime all of us have done things that are not nice, and behaved in ways that are not nice - there is a difference between a period of 'not nice' behaviour, and being a not nice person. Your behaviour does not have to define who you are.

Being sober, and feeling remorse, is a brave thing to confront. So be kind to yourself as well, and take it easy.

And you Faire x

Cripes! Can't keep up. Thank you Venus.

Morning all!

Be kind to yourselves, Silver how are you?

Hello. I've been lurking on this thread for some time now and have decided it's finally time I came out of the woodwork and joined you, if I may. You seem like a lovely supportive lot and I think I'm really going to need some hand-holding if I am ever to get my drinking under control.

I've been drinking too much for pretty much all of my adult life. At my worst I was probably having 1-2 bottles of wine every night. I more or less gave up while pregnant and therefore convinced myself I no longer had a problem, but my consumption has gradually crept up again so now I'm solidly back on a bottle or more a night.

DH and I recently agreed to try not to drink during the week, but we both have more or less zero willpower and so we easily find some excuse to break that rule most weeks, and once we've broken it on, say Tuesday, there's obviously no point in getting back on the wagon on Wednesday .

I have 2 DDs and I desperately want to sort this problem out if only for their sake. The eldest has already started questioning me on what I'm drinking (blackcurrant juice or wine Mummy?) and I feel so very ashamed on the days when I am hungover and grumpy and therefore less able to cope with all their demands. I sometimes panic myself over the possiblity of liver disease like others I have seen on this thread. What if were to die when they were still little? How could I do that to them?

I am overweight too, of course. And I was so very proud recently when I found that if followed a low carb diet but still drank wine I would still lose weight. Of course I didn't stick to it (see lack of willpower above), and anyway, what's the point trying to lose weight when you're gradually killing yourself with booze anyway?

In my heart I think I may have to stop altogether one day, but I SO don't want to. I'm going to try what some of you are doing - set myself some basic rules and try to stick to them. In a few months time if I am still consistently failing I guess I will have to think again. So here are the rules I was thinking of... Do they sound completely unrealistic to you?

1. No drinking Monday-Thursday
2. No drinking before the kids are in bed
3. Never more than half a bottle (or is that still too much?)

Sorry, this has turned into a much longer first post than I ever intended, but I have been mulling this stuff over for so long, and now I have just splurged it all out. Sorry.

Hi ferfux and welcome. I'd say that your rules sound quite sensible (less than half a bottle on Fri / Sat / Sun only). So that would mean that TONIGHT, you will have less than half a bottle.

Here's what I'd do....

1. meansure out the 'less than half a bottle' that I am going to drink - all to easy to drink 2/3 of a bottle if you're on your own, and to completely ignore the amounts if you're sharing with dp.
2. put your amount 'away' somewhere out of sight
3. go out now (while your resolve is strong) and buy alternative foods, drinks, puzzle books, magazines to read, bubble bath, nail polish, face mask,..... That way you will lots to do this evening to keep your hands, mind and mouth occupied, and away from the wine.
4. have a real plan for the 'difficult' spots - if dc's teatime is difficult then take them out to the park for a picnic, or take them out for fish and chips; if immediately after their bedtime is difficult, then get the kettle on before bedtime, get a biscuit out ready to eat, get on the phone to a friend (or run a big hot bubbly bath for yourself, or get your nail painting and face mask kit all ready and set up).
5. Always start your 'session' with 2 big drinks of something non-alcoholic. So if your dh is opening wine, your first drink should be a big glass or orange and lemonade (or whatever), same when he has his second glass. This will make sure you are not thirsty, will increase the chance of you (eventually) drinking your wine more slowly, and will retain your will power for longer (so easy to go from good intention to 'oh who cares' after the fisrt glass of wine.

I foudn that with effort I COULD manage to control my drinking, but you can see from the typical list above what a lot of energy it took, and all the time my brain was fighting. For me, it is easier to just NOT have some. But you will find out how things work out for you, some on here do manage to control and cut down their drinking.

Good luck, and keep posting to let us know how you're doing.

Morning all

Bibbity, how are you doing? I hope you took notice of what the wise Babes said to you last night! :) In my experience the people who don't ever worry about whether or not they're a nice person are the ones who really should be thinking about it... Obviously I've no idea what you're referring to so I don't want to dismiss anything but try not to generalise, and if you can learn something and help steer yourself towards being an even better person than I'm sure you already are then that can only be a good thing! :) I know it sounds cheesy but this whole thing has a lot to do with self-discovery, doesn't it? Really knowing yourself, and facing what you don't like and trying to change it. I've spent 40 years thinking I knew myself really bloody well (I am far too introspective and analytical) but in the last few months (coincidentally since I've been on board here ) I've learnt some really important things about what triggers my anxiety (and therefore my urge to drink), and how certain events, thoughts and behaviours can result in my negative thinking and low mood... And all this knowledge is helping me (very slowly) to change lots of things in my life. It's a hard, slow process but it has to help. So onwards and upwards, Bibbity. I hope today is a good day for you :)

Silver, the pharmacist sounds delightful. It sounds like you stayed quite calm given the circumstances. Do you think the medication has been helping? Are you going to try and not drink until you get the prescription? Hard I know, especially when the decision to not drink might be being forced upon you by not having the medication, not just you and your decision to not drink? Maybe you can see it as an opportunity to try and not drink, rather than a negative situation that's forced upon you?? If that makes sense? Bad timing with your mum. I hope she's settled into the hospice well.

Mouse, your respite worker sounds, erm, very thoughtful.... And no respite for three weeks?? Jeez, thank goodness for DH. I hope you had a better night with Nemo. It's not comparable I know but DS was up again in the night, then came in with us, and again I stumbled into the spare room in the middle of the night. Poor DH couldn't get back to sleep and has been awake (and up) since 3.30am!! I had a lie-in until 6... Oh for a solid night's sleep...

Thank you, lovely Faire for all your tips yesterday. I really appreciated it. And I am shocked to say that I didn't drink! At all! :) It was a stressy day in general. Without going into all the boring details (nothing is life-threatening or anything like what we've been through before) it was one of those days where everything goes wrong, and problems pop up everywhere, alongside DC being super-difficult. Anyway, I was determined to not give in to the wine demon and instead I stayed up until 10.30pm baking cakes...as you do. They're for charidee so I'm feeling a little bit pleased with myself this morning :) Although I'm no cake-making expert so I really shouldn't get carried away with myself .

Anyway, I hope you all have good days. Gorgeous weather here. Going to get loads of washing done today so I'm happy!

Welcome Ferfux (took me a while to get your name!)

Well done for posting. An important first step on the road to sorting out your drinking :) I could have written just about every word you did. I think it helps to know you're not alone. When I first found this thread I was shocked and relieved that some people felt exactly the same as me. It's something I have never spoken about in real life, or heard any of my friends talk about. It helps to talk about it and be honest. I hope this thread helps you too :) Your plan sounds like a good one to me. Venus gives great advice. Make sure you get lots of 'treats' in for tonight, so that you don't feel deprived. And just grit your teeth and stubbornly refuse to give in to the demon wine (when it tells you to drink more than you should, or screams at you to drink on your non-drinking days). It gets easier, and you and your girls will all be much happier when you are consistently hangover-free :) My biggest motivator is knowing how different tomorrow will be (for all of us) if I don't drink today.

Must go. DS won't stop talking to me...how very dare he.

hello.

I've namechanged so I can join, hope that is ok. My old name is recognisable across a few boards and I don't want folks knowing my struggles. Reading the posts resonates in so many ways with me, I'm sitting here in my dressing gown with a stinking headache as I drank too much last night. I bloody hate the mornings, when I come round instead of waking up and it's time to tackle it.

Drinking has been a part of my life for years and I understand where bproud comes from as my backstory is similar but even I'm bored of talking about all that shit :) So drinking is the thing to be sorted, Spring is coming and I'm going to try hard to learn a healthier life.

ferfux just to say I am new here too and your story is almost identical to mine.

I developed a problem with drink after a spell of depression in my 20s. I am now in my early 40s and really concerned about my drinking. I drink about a bottle of wine a night and can't seem to stop :(d

Hello All,
I dont seem to know what to say so I keep lurking! Just wanted to pop in and say hello and keep on keeping on!
Im firmly in the side car (41st birthday yesterday so of course hungover today). I will give it a wax and a polish so at least I can earn my keep that way!
I will be starting afresh on Sunday as have the school ball tomorrow.
It never ends the socialising and different occasions therefore reasons to drink.

And that I realise is the problem.
There is never a good time to go on a diet or cut down/give up drinking.
It just has to happen as in a day needs to be chosen and willpower and inner strength and being GOOD/KIND to yourself is what its all about.
Because drinking TOO MUCH is not kind to ourselves our bodies and doesnt help us cope with all the responsibilities we have.
Sigh.
See. This is why I lurk. Im no good to anyone.
Hello to furfux (great name) and to mrssharp - stick with these girls. they are amazing and everyone is here for you. talking about it instead of pretending that drink a bottle of wine every night is 'normal' is the start line. so well done for getting there. :o)
mouse - my sister regularly relied on respite care. the system IS appaling. and its totally unfair the unpredictability of it all and the general air of them doing you a favour - especially when they should be honoured to spend any time with your beautiful nemo. if i lived nearby id happily help. its outrageous. mouse - are you any good at all for asking for help? i wonder if youre better at just coping on your own..... iykwim?

is there any family that might commit to helping you on a proper and regular basis? or neighbours or friends? if you asked them?

i realise that nemos care is specialised. but you need a break and some rest and even an hour upstairs our wander round the shops is better than nothing.

hope that makes sense.

people (im one of them) dont ask for help enough.

hi to everyone. ginger are you still in here with me? (wafts spare chamois cloth around)! :o)