The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Giving Up The Booze For Lent (or just for today)

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Bus where you'll find a mix of drinker, non drinkers, those who has been sober for a long time, and those who are getting there One Day At A Time.

Come and say hi....... we won't bite

And if you want to know how this all got started, HERE is a link to the previous threads.

Hi Mouse - Just looked at your profile and it seems you have a busy life with your children, particularly with Nemo's condition. It must be stressful, esp as you have your own health issues.

As far as drink is concerned, I am sure that addiction is genetic - looking back at my mother's family, there is addiction, eating disorders, mental illness. My father's family - no addiction as far as I can tell, so obviously I take after my mum's side. Both my parents are practically teetotal.

I only tried drugs a couple of times and hated it, which was lucky for me. Had I not, I am pretty sure I would have a problem. In my 20s, I lot of my crowd used coke, grass, ecstasy and so on. I had a couple of bad experiences on drugs that put me off. Drink, on the other hand, is my drug of choice.

I have a fairly compulsive nature and have a few 'soft' addictions to - the internet, computer games, shopping have all been issues. Believe it or not, I am also addicted to fizzy mineral water and can drink loads in the day. That isn't harmful, but a compulsive nature is.

can't help myself, was supposed to be a drop in and straight out yesterday, but Greyhound, your post resonated with me.

Drugs so not my thing, tried a smoke once decades ago and was paranoid for hours (mind, i was piddled when i smoked it!) drink the drug of choice for me too, and not one I can take in moderation...all or nothing, God help my liver.

What really echoes though is your reference to 'soft' addictions, never really thought of my habits as 'soft addictions', but the phrase fits, some softer than others, so cola and crisps at one end (minor) self harm and eating issuies at the other.

I have been really trying hard again recently to give up the demon whiskey, and have found that the compulsions to misbehave with food, either by starvation, or more normally binge/purge have been creeping back, there must be a connection, and clearly there is a trait within me...

All from a middle aged 'respected' woman

Bless you, Algee, I so know where you are coming from. My drug experience was similar to yours - I was completely out of it and saw things crawling out of the walls etc. Not enjoyable.

Interesting about soft addictions - my uncle by marriage was a full blown alcoholic. The poor man and his family went through hell. Bankruptcy was the end result and his marriage broke down. He was in prison for DUI. He went to AA and it was wonderful for him - barring one fairly serious relapse, he has been sober for about 20 years. However, he is addicted to cola and cigarettes. I think he is also addicted to destructive relationships.

Ah yes, we are respectable women. No one looking at me would imagine I have a problem with mental illness and drink. Like you, if I stop drinking, I tend to replace it with something else - food, usually. I don't purge but have had a 'mild' food disorder in the past - basically, I was depressed so didn't eat enough and went down to 6 and a half stone (I am meant to be around nine stone). I was in hospital and was put on a high calorie diet.

One thing I have noticed on this thread is that a lot of the babes talk about replacing drink with healthy activities such as a nice meal, a lovely bath etc. I wonder if we babes find it hard to just stop drinking without replacing it with something, be it healthy or unhealthy?

My feeling is that it doesn't matter if you repalce alcohol with sweets or cola or binge eating, none of those are as harmful to you or the people around you. MIFLAW who is being quoted a lot at the moment said (something like) deal with the habit which is most harmful first.

So stop/significantly cut down the drinkling, then when you are ready, you can deal with the other problems.

I stopped drinking 14 months ago and caned down the fizzy drinks, chocolate and crisps to replace the drink. It took nearly a year to be ready to deal with cutting down on the crap snacks, then I lost over a stone.

Most recently, some of you know, I have been able to come to terms with some really shit stuff that happened in my childhood and probably contributed to the alcohol habit in the first place.

It is one baby step at a time, one day at a time, but you have to start somewhere.

Good thinking there Grey, I wonder if as addicts to alcohol, we're then becoming addicts to the things we replace the drinking with....

I know I became addicted to low cal hot chocolate when I stopped drinking completely. I still needed a crutch, I needed something to do with my hands, something with my night.

What you see on the outside does in no way represent the real face, the real mask that we wear underneath. I know that I often put a smile on when really, beneath my outside, public face, I'm twisted in pain, in fear, sobbing my heart out because I can't change just one thing, I can't take the pain from my son, I can't help him, I can't make DH better. I can't stop my DD from crying because her grandma died on Monday (her father's wife's mother), I can't control things and so, I put on my brave face and get on with it.

I'm shattered so an early night beckons.

I'm struggling being in my own skin right now, the meds are making me put a lot of weight on, which in turn hurts my back, and then I have to take more pain meds, which makes my constipation much worse, more weight..... and on..... and on....... and on it goes.

Sorry for the me post, I'm going to say goodnight lovely Babes

Blanket - I am really glad that you have stayed on the Bus xx

mouse take care of yourself
rain so nice to see you back again......keep at it

I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight Mousie

Oh flipping heck, I really need to get a grip. My problems are so minor compared to some and I need to count my blessings.

I do have a history of depression and I am avoiding going back on the AD's, I am on the brink now, but silly trivial things set me off.

I hated the last place I lived because it was overlooked, now we have moved and we are even more overlooked, house tied in to DH's job, no garden, tiny yard and 5 min away are lovely houses with big gardens...so damn trivial!

Hope you sleep well tonight mouse.

I don't know much about this whole caper, but one thing I am absolutely sure of greyhound is that it is essential to find a replacement activity or replacement something when giving things up. And to have thought about what that might be, to have several options, to have them all easily available to you and to hand, and to have strategies in place for when the voice of your addiction starts nagging away in your ear. I really believe that.

Sudoku and aniseed sweets saved me from cigarettes, really, and I taught myself sudoku specifically in order to have something to do and distract myself with at 1pm when I fancied my first cigarette of the day.

I have replaced booze with other stuff. Not food though. Alcohol and food have always gone hand in hand for me. Sunday roast? Red wine. Saturday afternoon afternoon bbq? Chilled white wine & soda. Cold winters evening? Cointreau or sambucca. Cheese & crackers? Any kind of wine or port. Celebrating? Champagne or cheap bubbly, either will do. Food is still a trigger for me.

Now I choose something else to fill that void. Hot drinks, soft drinks, chilled drinks filled with crushed ice and fruit slices. But not food.

What I have changed are some of my habits. The ideas I have got from other babes have been brilliant and now I am able to find other things to do. I absolutely had to rely on something else other than booze. But most of my new habits are ok.

I wouldn't mind a 'soft addiction' to exercise though .

Mouse hope you get some rest tonight. Any more thoughts on the operation? How wonderful it would be if that would relieve your pain x

grow some vegetables from seed - so easy - you don't need that much space - just try it.

It will focus your mind

or knitting..............i lurve knitting.................

lobs the usual lump of cheddar in the direction of the Mouster

Life is hard at the moment.

Hey to new babes - lovely to see you here.

x

hey silver we have chives and coriander in pots. We have room to grow veg but it involves watering and digging and weeding and is soooooo boring......gardening is like housework but outside. I don't have the time or the energy.
I struggle with replacing drinking with other activities as they all have triggers....have a bath - glass of white wine, read a book - glass of wine, do a jigsaw, glass of wine.
So, a bottle down and time for bed.

Ma Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

you must not waste that outside space

plant onions and potatoes and leave them - then dig them up a few months later...

simples

off to bed too - bottle and a half down - snuggles down in side car - my DM moving from hospital to hospice tomorrow

deep sighs xxxxxxx

ginger I too had many 'trivial' problems, but none of them was so small that I couldn't make it into a good reason to drink

It is a beautiful day here - calm, sunny and a hint of warmth in the sun. I hope the day brings some brightness to you all.

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Thank you for the well wishes for a peaceful night Babes, you are so nice doing that.

Well, last night was tough, Nemo has ANOTHER fecking snotty nose thanks to the germ fecking fest that is Pre-School. Anyway, he came in with me in the early hours, and then snuggled down and soon fell asleep again.

This morning has been full of mixed emotions, I've had to change his tape which holds his feeding tube in place. DH has to hold him down otherwise he'd pull the lot out and his nose gets really sore at times, especially now when he has snot crusting around the tube. Sorry for the TMI.

He cries and sobs his heart out. I HATE it. It upsets me to see him like that but I would rather I did it than have to take him into the Children's Ward, wait for ages for a stranger to do it, so, I suck it up, stick on my Big Girl's Pants and get on with it.

Silver - lovely lady, I really hope that today goes as smoothly as it can. You're in my thoughts all of the time just now, please let me know if I can help you at all. xx

Ma - I so relate to your triggers. Especially the bath, a nice big glass of wine, candles around the bath, hot, bubbly bath. Lush. Watch tv = glass of wine, reading in bed = glass of wine...... Strange how I know the triggers but choose to ignore them at times.

Ginger - never think that you're problems are any less important than mine, or anyone else's, they are important if they cause you worry and upset. I know what you mean about being overlooked, it's the main thing we talked about and looked out for when we moved. I like to be able to go in my garden and just sit without the thought of someone looking over my shoulder.

I mean, what if I wanted to sunbathe in the buff? Don't want the neighbours reporting a stranded whale now do I?

We're off to Stay & Play in a minute, deep joy, more germs but the more he gets, the better his immune system will protect him...... it won't be fully functional until he is around 9yrs old.

The building work is going really well, I'm sure some of you will remember this time last year, the hell Bodget & Scarper created when they were here doing the simplest of jobs.

We ended up sacking them whilst they were half way through the job because they were sooooooooooooooo shit!

Thankfully, this builder is great and has been constantly so, with only a few glitches.

So, how is everyone today?

Has anyone heard from Zany, Ruby, Christiana, Obrigada and the like? I know that SAF is okay, I'm in touch with her in RL.

Morning everyone :)

Sorry I haven't been around for a while. I have been lurking but it's nice to be properly back on board.

So how is everyone doing today? Silver, I'm so sorry about your mum. This must really be taking its toll on you. I hope you are OK and looking after yourself as far as is possible.

Mouse, I hope you slept well. Sorry to hear about your DD's grandma. Life is tough sometimes isn't it? Your family are very lucky that you are so strong and able to put on your smiley face, but I hope you manage to find a bit of time to just 'be' and feel what you honestly, really feel...wishful thinking maybe?? Hope today is better for you all.

Hi to Greyhound and Feebz and Algee and anyone else I haven't met before. It's great to see lots of new faces :). And hello and well done to NextChapter. 14 months?! Wowzers. I bow down to your (far, far, far) superior sobriety!

Well done on the 7 days, Rain. That's amazing. It took me months and months of trying to be able to manage that. You sound fed-up that you've had a drink since then though. Are you aiming for complete abstinence? I think it's important not to get too demoralised by any perceived slip-ups. With me, if I get into the 'I can't do it, I'm useless, I'm always going to have a drink problem' frame of mind, it only increases my drinking. Although obviously I mustn't bury my head in the sand if I do keep drinking too much and too often. There's a fine balance between finding the resolve to really change your drinking, and not dwelling on what's already done...an ongoing battle for me!

Well I hope everyone else is doing OK. My drinking has increased again recently (lots of triggers unfortunately) but although I am drinking more frequently I haven't been drinking nearly as much. Last night I stopped after two cans of weak (I didn't buy it ) lager. Although I'm pleased (and astounded) that I didn't carry on drinking, I know that it was unhealthy how/why I did it. It wasn't planned and I was so wound up after yesterday that I 'needed' it. I would have ripped someone's head off if they'd stood in between me and the fridge... I am still searching for that thing (to eat/drink/do or even think) when I'm stressed and can't relax. I find the evenings are more manageable now (once kids are in bed) but when it's tea-time or bath-time and they're tired and arguing and pecking my head and I can't stop and take time out, then I struggle. But anyway, I only had two cans and not so long ago I'd have been thinking about the second bottle of wine before most people had even started on the first...

Hey ho. I'm rambling again! Have good days everyone. Time for me to tackle the bills/letters/general chaos that has built up recently (cos I'm normally so on top of everything...).

See you later

x

Morning, Mouse. So you didn't get the best night's sleep then... Changing the tape must be so traumatic for you :( I don't know how you do it all, I really don't... So many germs here too. I don't think we've all been healthy for months. DS was up twice in the night, came in with us, then I got pushed into spare room. Then DD2 was up (as per usual) just after 6 o'clock, so the cycle of us all being tired and grumpy continues! Hope you have a good day. I'm glad the building work's going well. That's a nice surprise given my experience of builders . I was just thinking about Christiana yesterday, and Blossom and Trinity and others. Come and say hello if you're out there! Glad Saf's OK :)

Morning all, its lovely to read about builders and gardeners, even colds and disturbed nights.

Lovely because it's such a life line to have somewhere to vent and moan and know that somewhere, there's someone reading who gets you!

Plan today is to do the next right thing, alternating between MNing and housework.

And not drinking one day at a time for 27 months now!

I just don't know how to replace the blasted booze - nothing else hits the spot like it. It helps me relax, it tastes nice, it takes me out of myself for a bit. I don't get drunk, just a bit fuzzy. Perhaps that is a bad sign, that I can drink four glasses of wine and not feel very drunk? My system has developed a dependency on it so that the amount I drink is increased?

Having said this, I am going out on Saturday night with some friends who are looking forward to a piss up. I am dreading it. These guys are quite heavy drinkers and I am tempted just to stick to water as I really don't want to get drunk. It's strange how I don't drink much when I am socialising, but knock it back like a fish when i am home...

"I just don't know how to replace the blasted booze - nothing else hits the spot like it" Greyhound, I found trying to replace the effect of alcohol pretty hopeless tbh, and even now find myself wondering what cranberry with apple, or elderflower might be like- always disappointing is what its like.

What worked for me was accepting that hitting that spot was an illusion and the pleasures of hitting the spot just wasn't worth the collatoral damage to relationships, health self respect.

It's strange how I don't drink much when I am socialising, but knock it back like a fish when i am home... it's not strange- it's self preservation.

Thanks help I think that is true. That feeling of relaxation, euphoria after the first couple of glasses is an illusion. It is self preservation - I don't trust myself not to get out of control, if I'm honest.