The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Giving Up The Booze For Lent (or just for today)

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Bus where you'll find a mix of drinker, non drinkers, those who has been sober for a long time, and those who are getting there One Day At A Time.

Come and say hi....... we won't bite

And if you want to know how this all got started, HERE is a link to the previous threads.

sarah - you are right, text is a difficult medium!

im sure you have the best intentions but this thread is for support and although you plainly have a lot to give, i occasionaly feel that you rather talk down to us, - im also sure that in 6000 cases you have seen and heard a great deal, we too have our individual stories, many very sad and some quite scary! i applaud your 12 years of sobriety, its something i aspire to, but please dont treat us like children!

OK JWN, message received loud and clear. I obviously come across in a much different way in RL. So I shall stick to that.

Good luck and stay safe. Love Sarah. x

msgee have a fab holiday, and a great break.

JWN lovely to see you around. I will never forget the rawness of those first weeks of being sober, and I gained so much from knowing that every battle I was facing was one that you (and others on the thread) had also faced. I haven't posted here as much recently, but everyone someone new posts from that same raw place it takes me back instantly to how I felt.

There has been (and continues to be) such a wealth of experience and tactics and support and I am deeply proud to have been part of this.

Hope all are having a safe and sober night. xx

Thank you - now then ... Can we search the bus? Have lost DD sunglasses and I know I had them yesterday. I've been up for an hour looking for them. They are pink and cute

I get a bit stressed when travelling so if you can all bear with a bit of frantic-Gee or a few minutes then I'll be on my way...

Morning everyone

Well, they're not here in the sidecar MsGee .
Have a lovely holiday, I'm very envious of your sun and sand, it's grey and misty where I am today.

Hello JWN how are you? Abs like rocks yet ? . I am making a plan for next week (procrastinator me?) to get back to swimming, and try to lose some lard in time for the better weather.

I have been really struggling not to drink a bottle or so wine of an evening this week.

I had a horrible argument discussion exchange of views meaningful conversation with Dh last Saturday morning, when he accused me of only being interested in my work and not his (Ah, are we 10 years old?). This led me to thinking "right well, I won't say anything in future", and then had the most stressful and horrid week at work that I think I've ever had.
Noticing that I was less talkative than normal at night this week, Dh said that he had said it on the spur of the moment, and showed his understanding of how hurt I felt by...fill in the blanks here Ma..!!!

Anyway, to make a long story long , I thought I was going to implode last night, and so told Dh all about what happened at work, and how I really needed to share my day with him, and that I certainly can't be physical unless I feel good about us in other ways.
And how very stupid this all looks now that I've typed it!!

So...I have been drinking this week, because of temper?, because I just found an excuse?, because I wanted to quiet my buzzing brain?, all of them I guess, but only a couple of glasses, which has been quite a revelation to me, so I can do it methinks..., or methought!

However...... I have a day off today, for the first time in ages, and last night I went out and bought two of my wine of choice with the full intention of drinking most of it (Crikey, this is long, bear with me ) , got home put it in the fridge, looked at it, and thought, this is always going to happen, I think that I know that I cannot moderate, and I had the demon on my shoulder good and proper last night whispering

Knock, knock
X posted Isinde When are you bringing DP and lovely girls to look at the sea, and come for tea? xx

Great plan Isinde, have a lovely day

Hello lovely thurso and well done for seeing the video through to the end. You are certainly not stupid for telling your dh how you feel. It's ridiculous for him to even expect you to want intimacy if you don't feel it. I would be the same, so would many, many people. And he should know you best, after all. I'm afraid my dh would have got short shrift as well in those circumstances . Have a wonderful weekend, much love x

Morning to isindie and to thurso. Oh this is what I so love about being here - people honestly posting about the practical struggle they are having - the pressures (and excuses) to drink, and the small thoughts, actions and plans that make it possible for one more day to choose to say "No".

Thurso I too am finding that my empty nest exagerates any lack of communication between me and dp. We love each other deeply, share similar values, enjoy being intimate and have a rather nice life together. But sometimes I feel I'm boring him to death when I talk about the highs and lows of my work, and on occasions I can sit in the evening when there is nothing on TV and wonder what the hell we are ever going to find to speak about. Being self employed I can find the lack of colleagues leaves me without people I can really share my work excitements with, and dp has such a different mindset when it comes to work.

Anyway, yesterday I had a lovely morning with someone in the same industry as me, but in a different niche, and today I am meeting an old, old friend for lunch. Like isindie this would have previsouly been the cue for a l-o-n-g afternoon with a couple of bottles, but I've arranged to make a visit to my parents, so my tactic for today is also to take the car. Runs completely against my environmental / use public transport ethos, but it seems like the right thing to do for today.

Have a bright day everyone.

Morning faire seems like we're all up and on-line at the same time

SSSM thanks for asking. I managed to push it back an hour and took it steady, a teeny tiny victory but a victory none the less.

I am starting to realise that the only way I am going to do it is to just not have any in the house. Actually, I probably knew that all along.

How do I do it? I don't know about anyone else but every day I check to make sure I have enough in for the evening, if I don't it's part of my day to get to a shop and buy some. How do I say to myself 'I am not buying any today' and stop my self from grabbing the car keys as soon as DD is in bed and legging it to the nearest offie?

It sounds so bloody simple yet incredibly hard at the same time!

Still in the sidecar gazing up at the top deck....have a good day all x

BOING!!! just back from being beasted, and no thurso, my abs are distinctly flabby!

thurso, you are doing great guns! dont let that fucker spoil your day with your son (the booze i mean, not dh! ) just think about how much you have missed him, all the things you will want to talk about with him, cook a meal with him, maybe watch a film later with him, you wont enjoy any of that with a stinking hangover! (never mind be able to cope with the bag of sweaty socks etc he will be bringing you! )

ginger - i used to be exactly the same, i would have a feeling of panic if i thought we didnt have 'enough' booze in the house each evening, i would find any excuse to go to the shop, tell myself i was going for badly needed lemon grass or stuffed olives knowing all the time that i was really only going for wine, i prosmise you that if you really stiffen your resolve, the liberation from feeling like that is wonderful - i dont know if its an option for you, but in my early days i used to shop at a local halal shop, no booze obviously, but a wonderous amount of unusual ingredients, made me look in my cookery books for very different recipies than before (helped break the cycle of drinking while cooking as it was all new to me) - these days i have no trouble being in the wine aisle at sainsburys, i often cook with wine (dh has to open it for me though, that ritual would still be dangerous for me) - stick with it!! you are doing fantastically well!

I remember MIFLAW once telling me that I should put as much effort into not drinking as I once did into drinking. So for me, it was about actively and determinedly planning to buy other things to drink, to find other things to do with my hands, to plan activities that would occupy my mind. I went through a phase of knitting, doing on-line jigsaws, sudokos, going out for a walk, buying food in a shop that didn't sell alcohol, not getting any money out of the bank, experimenting with non-alcoholic drinks, eating chocolate, getting on the phone to friends, posting on here, calling for help on here.

I also remeber feeling quite panicky at the thought of not having any alcohol in the house, but it helped me to think that it was only for that one day, and the next day (if I wanted to) I could go back to my old ways.

That's exactly it, panic. It's pathetic really. My DH compounds the issue as he can take it or leave it and I find myself jealous of the fact.

Right, I have roughly 1 glass of decent stuff and a glass and a half of 9 percent in the house.

I AM NOT BUYING ANY WINE TODAY.

There, I said it, can someone hold my hand tonight?

Well done for last night, Ginger. That is definite progress so try and gain some confidence from last night that you can do this. I've found that a positive approach to fighting this battle is crucial. I can quite easily fall into the 'I can't do this, I'll never be able to control my drinking, what's the point, might as well have a drink anyway' frame of mind and we all know how that's going to end... Try and get yourself some really good treats in - something you really would look forward to eating/drinking tonight. Forget the calories or cost or whatever. Just think what you'd be consuming in wine! Stay strong and you can do it

Thurso wow, well done for last night! What a result, and after you'd got the wine in especially too! Have a lovely time with your DS . And it really, really doesn't sound stupid what you said about your DH!! I find it 'dishonest' or just plain depressing to pretend everything's OK in just a conversation with my DH when I'm upset about our relationship. I couldn't contemplate 'being intimate' if there were problems between us. I hope you get on better this weekend...

Got any plans for today MsGee?

If you are still watching sarahrt I'd just like to thank you for the contributions you made. I also don't think it quite works when an "expert" (sorry, I can't think of a more appropriate word) joins a support thread because somehow, in a way that it is very difficult to articulate, the whole dynamic of the thread gets shifted.

For example, I will post the occasional comment on giving up smoking threads (I consider myself an expert in this field having done it 7 times ) but, apart from that, I think it best to leave the day to day discussion to those who are actually in the moment with their habit. Otherwise, somehow, it becomes a bit like a teacher/pupil or therapist/client relationship. Whereas the premise of this thread - I think, as a newbie - is that everyone is equal and fighting the same fight.

Those are just my thoughts btw, I expect isinde and jwn had other reasons for wanting to say something.

I found sarahrt's posts immensely helpful but I'm new to this Bus. Just sayin'.

Hello

Back from shopping, it's a bit mad on the flower stall at the shops today!

Still, I bought DC a little bunch of flowers to put in his room, some lovely moisturiser, shaving gel, razors and deodorant, because, obviously they don't sell these things in London .

Thank you for all your kind words, I do feel really happy today, but truly, truly wouldn't have thought twice last night, had it not been for my time on the bus.

Silver How are you my darling, has a place come up for your Mum, yet?

Mouse You are in my thoughts all the time, I send you love and happy, healing dust.

Miflaw won't you come and say "Hello", I miss hearing from you.

Unpacking now, and early lunch, I think. I hope your meeting goes well Inde.

Speak later lovely ones
xx

bibbity I know what you mean about the smoking, my Mum always insists that she was much better than my dad at giving up smoking because he only gave up once, whereas she gave up five times . On that basis I'd be the best damn expert there is on this thread, having 'given up' drinking almost every morning for ..... ooh ...... scary, scary number of years. (only to find that by evening, or 5pm, or even lunchtime I'd started all over again). I'm not sure if that taught me how to stop drinking, but I certainly learned how NOT to stop.

And being an expert in NOT stopping, here are my top 5 tips from that time:

1. make sure there is booze in the house, and plenty of it, just in case there is some kind of crisis and today is NOT the day to give up (btw - the crisis could be a rain cloud, or missing eastenders, or finding some dust on a bookshelf...);
2. make sure that you have plenty of shit excuses valid reasons to have a drink (see point 1 above);
3. tell yourself, and others, that tonight you will stick to just one or two glasses;
4. make sure that you have a 'hidden stash' so that you convince yourself and others that you did only have 2 glasses (err.... plus the other bottle consumed earlier, and the mug of port masquerading as a cup of tea;
5. next morning, despite feeling rough, look at the bottle in the fridge which is still half full and congratulate self on 'moderate' drinking.

I can tell you with certainty that if you was to NOT stop, then those tactics will work a treat perfected over many years

bibbity - that is exactly how i felt! - i absolutly applaud sarahs 12 years of soberity, it is one hell fo an achievement and one i hope to attain myself! however, i did feel that i was being spoken to as a client as opposed to a fellow 'struggler' and tbh, i didnt like it - if i wanted professional help, i would go and buy it! for me, this thread is a safe place to post my thoughts, hopes, fears and dreams without being professionally anaylised, i like the cameraderie that we have here, that we ARE ALL in this together, we understand another persons personal struggle and and have a non-professional, totally non judgemental empathy with them - thats what makes me feel very protective about this thread, i have real friends here and i thank my lucky stars everyday that i know you are all here!

venus - i too am a expert in NOT stopping, perfected and studied over many years, im fact, im proberbly a PHD equivilent!