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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband's horrible fumbling

106 replies

EasyToEatTiger · 26/02/2012 17:00

My husband fumbles around with my genitals when I am asleep. He does not seem to understand that I HATE IT. I really hate it. I hate waking up with him fiddling about. I want to scream and run away. He does not say anything to me, he does not touch any other part of me, and he does not seem to care that I am trying to sleep.

OP posts:

Seabright · 26/02/2012 17:02

That's sexual assault, that's not "fumbling". What does he say/do when you tell him to stop? Is he awake when he's doing it?

madonnawhore · 26/02/2012 17:03

Have you told him this?

Is he awake or asleep when he's doing it?

Sounds like sexual assault to me. You don't have to put up with it.

DressDownFriday · 26/02/2012 17:04

Do you say anything to him?

I would tell him to fuck off and start wearing jeans to bed.

ImperialBlether · 26/02/2012 17:05

This is sexual assault. He knows it is, too.

Never mind wearing jeans to bed; I wouldn't sleep with him at all.

Dee03 · 26/02/2012 17:07

That is awful...poor u!

izzyizin · 26/02/2012 17:08

Why would you want to continue sharing a bed with a man who is so obviously disrespectful of your body?

boredandrestless · 26/02/2012 17:11

It's a normal reaction you are having to him. Anyone waking to someone touching their genitals would want to scream and run away.

SorryMyLollipop · 26/02/2012 17:16

He is abusing you/sexually assaulting you. That is terrible, I couldn't sleep with him in the same house after that, never mind the same bed.

Dee03 · 26/02/2012 17:26

Infact if he was doing it a lot it would put me right off him and I think I'd have to tell him to stop or leave!

madonnawhore · 26/02/2012 17:29

If he's awake while he's doing this and he knows how you feel about it, then he's sexually assaulting you.

You have 100% say over who does what to your body and when. If he's not listening then don't share a bed (or a roof) with him ever again.

BertieBotts · 26/02/2012 18:04

That's horrible :( Are you okay? As others have said - this is sexual assault or sexual abuse. You cannot consent to something when you are asleep.

RabidEchidna · 26/02/2012 18:11

Tell him if he does it again you will have no choice but to ask him to sleep elsewhere, of you could shave his head or his eyebrows off when he is asleep

Malificence · 26/02/2012 18:13

There are some very interesting posts floating around lately.

Original poster

EasyToEatTiger · 26/02/2012 18:14

Thank you for your responses. I have not been able to articulate how horrible it makes me feel without becoming furious. Our marriage is in a bloody awful mess as it is.

OP posts:

susiedaisy · 26/02/2012 18:25

This is horrible op I feel for you as others have said this is assault, have you asked him why he does this?? How long has he done this to you?

nizlopi · 26/02/2012 18:26

There is not enough D: in the world to describe my face when reading this.

Heyyyho · 26/02/2012 18:28

That is revolting and he is sexually assaulting you.

Of course you want to scream and run away! It is called instinct.

Bossybritches22 · 26/02/2012 18:29

Elbow him sharply & make him get into the spare room or on the sofa EVERY time he does this.

Tell him beofre you go to bed you will do this & follow it up.

Kick him in the nuts if that's what it takes to get your point across.

Original poster

EasyToEatTiger · 26/02/2012 18:29

He thinks he's being affectionate. I want to kick him. Then he feels rejected.Bla bla bla, on and on. I have told him to leave things until I am awake. He interferes with my waking up and I am just furious with him.

OP posts:

izzyizin · 26/02/2012 18:30

Wear jeans?

I'd tie his hands behind his back and stick him in the closet when it's time for beddy-byes.

It sounds as if separate houses may be the best way to go for you, Tiger.

Bossybritches22 · 26/02/2012 18:31

Tell him YOU feel rejected and assaulted when he fumbles.

AyeRobot · 26/02/2012 18:32

Tiger, being furious is an appropriate response to what he is doing to you. Which is sexual assault as previous posters have identified. I'm not surprised your marriage is a mess. Women's Aid and Rape Crisis* can help you. Your life really doesn't have to be like this.

What does he have to say for himself?

*And any posters who have a few quid that they can donate would be doing a great thing - they are recommended on here here so much and those quids will help make sure that they are still available to respond.

nizlopi · 26/02/2012 18:32

Wtf? Its YOUR body, don't let him guilt trip you into letting him play with your vagina whilst you sleep. Its DISGUSTING. You have a right to sleep without having to keep your legs crossed all night.

How can you even sleep in the same house as a man who has such little respect for your sexual wellbeing? Jesus Christ.

FabbyChic · 26/02/2012 18:40

Wear knickers or sleep somewhere else, tell him that sexually assaulting you whilst you are sleeping is sick.

ImperialBlether · 26/02/2012 18:43

Malificence, what did you mean by "There are some very interesting posts floating around lately."? Do you mean threads or posters' comments?

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