Husband's horrible fumbling

[EasyToEatTiger]

My husband fumbles around with my genitals when I am asleep. He does not seem to understand that I HATE IT. I really hate it. I hate waking up with him fiddling about. I want to scream and run away. He does not say anything to me, he does not touch any other part of me, and he does not seem to care that I am trying to sleep.

"fumbles around with genitals"

not very libido-raising, it it ?

And if they did mind feedback? Would you continue? Would you repeatedly try it night after night?

But that's the key thing, feedback. Your partners have responded well and enjoyed the attention. The OP is asking her partner to stop, and he isn't. That's when it becomes assault.

Thing is feedbackforfree it's about the willingness.

As I said, dh does this and it's irritating. He's asleep. Definitely. Nothing more, nothing less.

There's coming on to someone who reciprocates - fair enough.

Same scenario - not reciprocated, apologies alround

Repeatedly doing it? Horrible invasion of personal space and disrespect.

OP has told him to stop

it's assault!

my ex used to do this and more, while I was a sleep, rip my legs open

I complained

he sulked, he stropped, he told me I was dysfunctional because I didn't want to have sex with him, then he changed tact and told me he felt rejected, then he told me I made him feel like a rapist -I told him it was because he is one!
-this went on for years but only in the last few months of our relationship did I actually see it as abuse as there was so much other stuff going on

X-posts with everyone!

I second the advice to kick him in the nuts / grab them and twist them / whatever it takes to make him realize how unacceptable this bizarre activity is. Just take firm grip of the relevant parts, twist and wrench and then say 'oops, sorry, was half-asleep, didn't realize that would make you uncomfortable'...

And then start sleeping elsewhere until he learns how to respect your space.

feedback - if they liked it, great. Always worth trying once if you think your DP will respond positively.

If they had responded negatively and asked you not to do it again, would you a) continue anyway or b) whine about feeling rejected?

OP, your DH is assaulting and abusing you. There is a reason your marriage is in trouble, it's because your DH is a dick. Do you really want to save the relationship? Have you got a spare room he can sleep in until you decide how to deal with this in the long term?

AF, of course I wouldn't have carried on if my advances had been unwelcome. But just reading the original post, it wasn't suggestive of a discussion that advised her H that it was unwelcome. Maybe I need to read all of thread.......

Completely agree shotgun

jumping in to give the "other side of the coin" is sometimes a shit thing to do

this is one of those times

How about not trying it at all unless it has been discussed previously?

Tiger, where do you want to go from here? What support can we give you, limited though it is over the net?

feedback OP has said that it happens a lot. They have discussed it and argued about it and he continues.

HE IS ASSAULTING YOU OP. I'm sorry that you're going through this but he's committing a crime.

It doesn't matter what you wear. You are entitled to sleep completely naked beside him and not be assaulted if you wish. The clothing thing is just another example of how society thinks women should put up and shut up!

It's like women being told not to dress in a certain way as if somehow the size of your skirt is the difference between a rapist and a nice, gentlemanly, law abiding citizen. It's complete bollox.

Apologies to the OP if my post caused any offence at all. If you knew me in real life, you would know that that would be the last thing I would have wanted. Hope you manage to sort the problem.

FBFF, I don't think your post will have caused offence, but it deserved to have the sexual-assault apology tone of it challenged

I'm actually genuinely worried about the Op's safety here. He thinks its ok to do that, and then he guilt trips you into thinking that you're being unreasonable.

He clearly thinks this is normal behaviour. How long until he starts going further in his advances? He's rationalised this abuse in his own head already. It isn't hard to believe that he's going to get worse.

Understood AF - I feel incredibly insensitive; it was a crass post to make but please, I would like this to be the end of my input on this thread as I don't wish there to be any further distraction from the OP receiving support here.

FBFF, I have pm'ed you

My husband used to do this as well and then plead ignorance in the morning!!

I also hated it .. another reason why I am well shot of him! :)

I think most of us at some time feedback have reached over to our partner in the middle of the night for a tentative grope. The difference is the appropriateness of the response if the gropee isn't in the same frame of mind.

I've told him that I hate it when he behaves like this. He had no idea that his behaviour was making me feel how I do. I think he doesn't really understand. I don't especially want to set forth on my own. Now I have opened this Pandora's Box, we'll just have to wait and see. It is the first time I have spelled it out that his early morning groping is absolutely unacceptable. Thank you all so much for your help and support.

Good luck op. hopefully you'll be able to sleep peacefully from now on.

startthefansplease I hope you have eschewed that other place and are now a convert to MN

which is less inclined to make excuses for the shitty behaviour of men, on account of them possessing a penis and all that crap

what will you do next time, tiger?

particularly since he "doesn't understand" what you are saying to him

I would say he "understands" it very well ineed, he simply chooses to think you are talking shit