my poor ds

[lostboysfallin]

He had some sweets today from a party and he said
"I'm not saving one for daddy because he argues with you and it makes me sad.
and he makes you sad too"

From the mouths of babes

Boredandrestless, good on you for sorting it.
It all sounds very familiar, unfortunately.

Yeah, maybe tribpot.

Its a big question
One that i might never know the answer to

I know it will never change unless he gets help

OK, if it's no tthe gender roles in your house, you are giving him too much leeway to opt out of the shitwork that is family life

you are micro managing everything and appear to think that if you went back to work that you would be rewuired to still do that

does that seem like a healthy gender divide ?

does it seem like he has a healthy outlook on life ?

does his stressful job account for the fact that he cannot cope with the normal every day stresses of life, and needs you to smooth them over, or is it because you simply always have

lost...what would hapen if you became ill ?

have you broached the subject of him seeing the gp, after your holiday, to help with his stress levels

or daren't you mention it ?

AF- I know this isn't normal or healthy.
And its not sustainable.
I honestly think he is at breakdown level.
He hates this
Its not going to continue for much longer
He didn't used to be like this. He was fine when he had a 9-5 no responsibilty job. Maybe just a bit conscientious.
He is now out of the house for 14-18 hour, existing on 4-5 hours sleep, exhausted, stressed and unable to see the wood for the trees.

I have absolutely no idea what would happen if I was sick.
Just realised I haven't been sick for 5 years!

I'm going with him to see the gp, that's non-negotiable.
that's agreed.

Could he go back to a more junior less stressful role and you work at a similar level to bring in similar money? Yes you would take a hit because of child care costs but it's a lot cheaper than a divorce. I'm not being flippant. My DH has various low grade MH issues which mean that he just cannot handle stress. I do end up picking up a lot of stuff just to prevent any disasters but we rub along ok. We're able to do that as we both basically do support roles, professional but not client facing so a lot of the kind of stress which would send DH over the edge is just not there. Yes we aren't rich and to my regret we can't afford private school but the mortgage is safe, we drive nice cars and lead a decent "suburban" life. Ultimately some people are just steady and if they try to be more than that something usually ends up falling apart. Maybe your husband is a steady guy trying to be something he's not and you're all paying the price?

I think the holiday might be kill or cure love, he sounds a prick, my dh gets up early to go to work as well but gets ready in the bathroom so as not to wake me and dd, he even slams the car door only when he's off the drive. You deserve better than this but make the holiday a time to talk to him, could you put ds in kids club to give u both some chat space.?

Vicky, sometimes I do think he has bitten off more than he can chew. Problem is he will always be a perfectionist/workaholic at whatever job, I think.he just needs s job where he can fit it all in. Right now there aren't enough hours in the day for him. But if he had a role whereby everything was done at 5pm, nothing outstanding, that could work.
He has just applied for another role, internally more senior, but maybe more desk based, rather than out seeing clients.
problem with external roles is that you never really know if you are jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.

Thebody, there's no kids club, we have rented a house, but mil will babysit so we can hopefully get some time alone.

Thanks everyone for your input, fingers crossed that as soon as he leaves work tomorrow he will feel a bit calmer.