The honing of the twat radars - dating chat thread number 9

[lubeybooby]

Thread got too big so here's a new one :o

All dating, online or otherwise in here please

Chit chat to serious stuff - off we go!

poppa - im not scary :) im just sexually confident, and i expect the same of a man, fgs, its not like we are 18, you know. if at 30-40 you dont know what you are doing then something is wrong.

fab time - congrats. HUGE WELL DONE>

snape - yeah, if he gets in contact, i dont know what you should do at all?

I really think it's best to have 2 or 3 on the go, then you can sort of merge them in your mind so that they seem like one man who you see quite regularly.

Try and get three with the same name, or call them all babe/tiger/sweetie

Thank you

PostBellumBugsy - not sure if you're male or female but your first paragraph is perfect, so I'm guessing you're male. It's "What Women Want" vs "Fatal Attraction".

post - no, you are right. BUT, saying you have had a conversation before hand, that you are both looking for fwb type things, and they say they want the same, blah blah blah, fast forward a few weeks, lots of contact etc... and you are reasonably sure that that is what they do want, considering all the effort they have put in ( like snapes 4 dates or whatever) and then you do the deed and they vanish.
Even when you have been clear from the start.

Oh my goodness no Poppa - I am very definitely female!!!!

Watch - then that is a prize tosser because basically they are telling lies to get you to sleep with them.

yes, yes they are. Its that type ive falled foul of the last few times. And that snape has too ( i think)

I have no problem havibg no strings and couldnt care less if they dont contact me after, it is what it is :) thats fine and i have a date tomorrow now which will fall into that catergory.

BUT, if they say they want fwb, and are talking about future plans etc...etc... and then dont contact you after, at all. then yes, they are twats, and its that that pisses you off, more than being upset at them as it were.

Sorry post. With the after the war rabbit nic I thought you were a bloke.

I've been off the dating scene for a few years, but these are my thoughts on all the signals I look for in identifying players (probably teaching my grand mother to suck eggs here, so just tell me to shut up!):

Where are they in their life? If they've just split up with someone / ended a marriage / or never had a long-term relationship then those are instant red flags (for me anyway).

If they seem very relaxed & confident about internet dating, again that would make me want to know more.

If the contact is more from my side, that suggests that they are only lukewarm & again that would be ringing alarm bells for me.

Protracted periods of silence that aren't properly explained at any point, always makes me back off.

If I find myself being sucked in too quickly by lots of hot texts, that bothers me too, because it suggests an infatuation with the thrill of the chase, rather than long-term interest in me as a person.

yeah, im sure we all know those signs :) ive been internet dating for 3 years. And yet some still slip through the net. Thing is noone is fool proof, for example - the teacher ( i dont know if you have read that) contacted under a fwb thing. he chased me for 6 weeks, i cancelled about 4 times, told him i wasnt interested. he called as in telephoned, not text every other day, talked me into seeing him. Sent daily messages ( not all rude) had been single about 18 months, said he had had 3 internet dates.... 12 hours of amazing sex, two weeks running and then he vanishes, totally into thin air, depsite the previous day texting to say he was really looking forward to seeing me again.

See - weird.
And i was totally played.

Sorry - I nearly didn't post my signs - because it smacks of some kind of superior knowledge on my part! I shall shut up now.

no dont shut up PostB :)
I'm finding it really useful sharing experiences on this whole thing!

I find the amount off effort men seem prepared to put in to chase and persuade you quite puzzling...sometimes it seems as if they've burnt themselves out with all that persistance!

no - dont shut up at all, its really, really interesting :)

just doesnt make it fool proof thats all.

me too loves - me too. i dont get how one shag can be worth all that effort, yet, if you have the chance to do it again, you cant be arsed.

see - more proof on the james bond theory.

ahhhh, but the chase is so much fun!!!! I know I am a warped individual with icicles where my heart ought to be, but even now as a virtual OAP, I still love the chase - sadly quite often more than anything that follows thereafter!

I'm so glad I read this because I have a 2nd date tomorrow night & I was just assuming that he was totally genuine. I met him through Internet dating too, goes to show how long i've been out of the game!

PostB I agree it is kinda flattering to have so many offers (as per the casual dating scene) but most of them are such cretins and the dates and the chat bore me stupid, I dont really see what there is to enjoy about the chase

dating - never assume :) and even if you think they are, they probably arent.

I quite like the chase, until i realise that i either a, dont fancy them, in which case i dont bother, or b, find them mind numbingly boring, in which case i also dont bother.

One chase at a time with a worthy adversary is fun! (for me anyway)

Lurking-ish...

Have recently dipped toe into Internet dating. May meet one of them. Interesting to see how rusty my twat radar is (having just spent eight years with one).

Well, no texts for me. I actually don't feel upset about it at all tbh.

It is weird though. 2 hours of texting (and not anything rude, just some light flirting) over 2 consecutive nights post date and then zero.

Maybe he's fallen down a hole somewhere.

Or been attacked by his Barbour

ps - snape I heart that picture.

Well i havent heard from the nice chap i was talking to, we were on msn together, but we havent spoken last night or tonight :( But at least he isnt just ignoring me, he just isnt online :( Have said hoped we would meet soon, with a question mark Does that count as asking, he already asked me! So maybe he is busy, works absurd hours though! Hoping to meet him, he seems really nice! Truly nice! But if not, thats why its called plenty of fish right?

sponge I think if anything I'd be annoyed that he'd wasted 2 hours of my evening with the texting!

sorry sponge - doesnt seem like hes going to call now.Just chalk it up to mens weirdness and move on.

Snape - ??? anything, today is day 5, right?

Ive got a def date on saturday with big ben. Im not sure if i should be very excited or slightly scared :) Postbell this is one of those, where in my head its just sex ( should it all go ok..), so i dont give two shits if i dont hear from him again. There has been no bullshit from either side.

Im also meant to have a date tonight, but cant be arsed. and ive got a few lined up for next weekend, so need to narrow that down as well.

Not a fucking thing - but on the plus side, had a good night at PMs, calling the bloke a twat and frankly I'd rather do that than have sex with mr distraction (who clearly wasn't a distraction...) so I'm currently possibly slightly relieved I don't have to bother with him. meh.

Then yes, he is a twat. Sorry that happened.

I would be temped to send the following message ' you are a cock, you know that, right'