DP wants to buy food seperately

[NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain]

Me and DP have lived together for 2 years but for the first year and a half we lived in a commune with 30 other people with a cooking rota.
Now we live in a cottage together (since last September) he is really annoying me, he wants us to buy our own food and do our own shopping.
But when I come home from work I find that he has been eating my food so I go to get breakfast and its gone.
It really pisses me off that he refuses to shop with me but when I'm out, he eats all my (good quality) food.
What can I do?
Tonight we got into a silly argument, I said look I want to start shopping together for food and he got angry saying you eat my pea nut butter and my bread, so petty ad juvenile. But I'm starting to resent him eating my food whilst refusing to pay for any of it AHHH help!

[Epicpen]

I know a man of 47 and living in a commune; his housemates are all 27 (ish).
He is a loosa!!
Just like your man, sorry x

[Moobee]

He's a complete loser and you deserve better. Ditch him!

[BelaLug0si]

How many relationships has this man been in before? If he's got to his mid-40s and not learnt to get along even bare minimum food shop/splitting then that's a bit odd.
How did it work in the commune, did he contribute his fair share then or has he got used to cheap eats from other people?

Imagine you came back from work tomorrow and he wasn't there, all his stuff was gone and he wasn't coming back. How does that make you feel?

did like the 'release him back into the wild' sorry.

[NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain]

I've told him this but it doesn't seem to go in, I just thought I was weird, like my life revolved around food or something, but I love food shopping and wish he shared my enthusiasm.
The other night, I had worked a 10 hour shift as a Nanny and when I got home there was no food in the house (he had been there all day) so I went back out in the freezing dark to buy food, I was so pissed off that he takes no responsibility and doesn't have the thoughtfulness to think, 'oh what will blinking eat when she gets home?'

That I purposefully bought £45 worth of pukka grub from Sainsbs, breakfast lunch and dinner and made a mental note of the fact I would not cook any of it for him to see if he would get the message (sat in front of him eating my home made lamb with cumin chick peas and feta) the other night, I wished we were eating it and enjoying it together but he just went and made some more eggs.

[QuintessentialyHollow]

It is not working.

Move away and move on.






Honestly though. Get out.

[cutteduppear]

This is going to be a funny story which you regale future friends and partners with.
He's lucky that you put up with him for this long.

[NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain]

< How many relationships has this man been in before? If he's got to his mid-40s and not learnt to get along even bare minimum food shop/splitting then that's a bit odd.
How did it work in the commune, did he contribute his fair share then or has he got used to cheap eats from other people? >
He hasn't many he was a monk for five years during his twenties, a bit messed up after disrobing, then a few relationships but no kids or marriages or anything
In the Buddhist commune it was easy to not buy food the evening meal came out of our rent and you could help yourself to fruit and yogurt so it was easy to not ever have to set foot in a supermarket

[ripitupandstartagain]

God. Sounds like he has an eating disorder. Does he?

[chubbasmum]

yep i would leave him he sounds very selfish imagine if you ever had kids with him cant bear the thought

[ChasTittyBeltUp]

Like Motherinferior I also had one at 28....he lasted to my shame until I was 30! He was one of those boring men too...and tight as a gnats arse. HE finished with me because I mentioned babies once. My sister said "Youll be over hm in 2 weeks" and she was right!

He was a brown and grey man. Smoked dope. Pootled along in his shit job...did nothing for anyone but himself. Get out!

[NormaStanleyFletcher]

I never say this but...

...Run for the hills. You are worth soooo much more than this. This is not a proper relationship. You are young and sound like you have your head screwed on. Go out and have some fun with some grown ups.

[ChasTittyBeltUp]

He's an ex Monk! A Buddhist monk or the other type?

[ChasTittyBeltUp]

You do sound bright and interesting OP. Get shut of him! Put his steaks and eggs in a brown paper bag on the step. He can take them and go to his mates house.

[Molasses]

Never go out with ex-monks who are obsessed with eggs and only have sex on their own terms. That is wisdom right there, that is.

[raybeth]

Get rid of this man he sounds like a control freak, you are too young too be tide to such a man.

[BelaLug0si]

Ok, his background is really interesting. It sounds like he's spent a fair bit of his life institutionised and not having independence with stuff like fending for yourself; such as planning meals and boundaries or working together as a couple.
That he's struggling to get his head round how couples 'work' now is a bit worrying. I've been in some (very) dysfunctional relationships and we used to have arguments about who was paying for what but nothing as the above.

Difficult but as above, if you imagine you came back from work and he was gone, how would you feel?

[motherinferior]

THere are even lots of nice ex-monks out there. (I have a bit of a thing about monks. There were some gorgeous ones around back in the early 1980s, all high Domenican high camp on our anti-nuclear demonstrations.) There is a gamut of blokes, all with their own particular neuroses but quite willing to provide sex and tomatoes, you know.

[scummymummy]

lol MI!
Sex and tomatoes are pretty essential building blocks for a relationship. I must agree. Find someone who can do sex and tomatoes forthwith, OP.:)

[DebiTheScot]

How much do you really know about his past? The details about his teaching career don't ring true to me at all (I'm a teacher). I have never, ever heard of anyone being forced to take extra qualifications or get sacked if you don't.
Sorry but I find that hard to believe.

I know 1 couple who keep their money separate and buy some of their own food but just their own treats, meals that the other one doesn't like etc. I think your situation is very unusual and you don't sound happy at all.

[hopenglory]

run, run for the hills, and don't look back!

[NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain]

If he was gone I'd be sad because he is a friend but maybe relieved because in the long run I think this is a bit doomed

[Elfontheedge]

'he just wanted to get stoned with his mates'
He's 47 FFS. This is the behaviour of a 20 year old student. Please get rid.

[NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain]

Debithescot.. he is degree and pgce qualified but his pgce is in adult ed, he had worked in a secondary school for 5 years but without QTS, when the school started to push him to get his QTS he resisted until they had no option but to give him an ultimatum.

[scummymummy]

Sorry babe but it does sound doomed. He sounds like a seriously screwed up, selfish person. Sex and tomatoes sound funny but they are really a shorthand for joy and love and playfulness and you deserve that in a relationship. You really do.