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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New Year, New Start, The Journey So Far.........

999 replies

Mouseface · 28/01/2012 15:33

Hello, I'm Mouse Smile

Welcome. There are all kinds of lovely Babes on board this Bus, drinkers, non-drinkers, part-time drinkers and those who have no idea what they are when it comes to drinking. Some are newer posters and some have been here forever for a little while. Wink

Come and say hi, there are no rules, no 'must haves', just plenty of open and honest support.

You can talk about whatever you like. Your life, your love or even your laundry. We've seen it all! Grin

The important thing is that you can post if you want to, or not if you don't. There are posters in AA and posters who are using medication to beat The Booze and of course posters who are just trying to cut their drinking down with the support of The Bus and the people around them.

See where we've been so far by following this ---> LINK TO PREVIOUS THREADS HERE

OP posts:
Isindebetterplace · 26/02/2012 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 26/02/2012 14:13

Isinde - So glad you're having a nice day - I've always rather liked Sunday's with their slower pace Smile Thanks Lovely bright and sunny days we're getting now ....

That was a decent lie in - 8pm Grin DP did well there Wink - must have been a nice long play !

Hope next week goes really well for you ... and everyone on the bus Smile

Onesunnymorningin2012 · 26/02/2012 14:39

Hi Trinity, I'm also not here and getting on with my OU coursework. Honest :)

Love to all the babes xx

dementedma · 26/02/2012 15:53

hi all. watching the rugby. have done some major clearing out this weekend of cupboards and drawers and nooks and crannies. got rid of a load of rubbish and feel better for it. wish it was as easy to de-clutter my head and take a load of shit to the dump.
DS stopped me in my tracks this morning; he had "bought" tickets to take DH to the cinema to see Star Wars in 3D for his birthday and was really excited, telling DH he should get a light sabre etc. I said "dad is 49, he's a bit old for a light sabre" and DS said "you are never too old to play, everyone has an inner child you know" then paused and said "except you mum"
It made me a bit sad, that it's true, I never really let rip and play and laugh and have fun.

Mouseface · 26/02/2012 16:22

Ma - that's because you are doing EVERYTHING else! You're the glue, the mum, maid, cleaner, cook, etc........ and let's not forget that you work too. Don't beat yourself up about it.

This at least is something that you can change Ma Smile

What does DS like? Other than Star Wars I mean? Could you put some music on and dance round the room? Make cakes with him, play snap? See who can get the most marshmallows in their mouth and still say 'Chubby Bunnies'? Grin

If he's right, and you don't have fun then change that. It costs you nothing but not changing just that one thing might. Why should you have to be the serious one?

Why does DH get to have all the fun and good times. Maybe you should just say fuck it about one chore today and have a mad half hour with him, or maybe you could have fun with DS and DH?

OP posts:
dementedma · 26/02/2012 17:09

mouse I think i avoid doing fun things with Dh because it always seems to lead to sex. That sounds crazy but if we were having a laugh, playing Twister or messing about it would become "physical" and thus it would be ruined for me.
I am quite a reserved person with a strong sense of self-preservation so it easier for me to live behind the barricades than to come out and relax, have fun, be open......
i rarely laugh, or joke about at home, yet at work they all think I'm a hoot, always cracking jokes , making people laugh etc.
As you know I had a very bad relationship with my father (still do). maybe once your inner child is all cried out you can't recover that as an adult?

RainQueen · 26/02/2012 17:41

Hi NP.

Ok, so I have had a drink so on Day 7.5 I guess. But, I went to do our "big" shop and instead of buying a box of wine I bought 2 of those mini bottles and I have drunk one so I think that is great for me. I so want to drink the next one now but I won't. The other thing is that I have sat all afternoon since my supermarket trip thinking about that bottle in the fridge.

I hate this so much. I know that I am doing much better than I was two weeks ago but I have a long way to go.....

MsGee · 26/02/2012 18:50

Hi. Just to make you smile and for those who held my hand through DDs poo-scapades ... See my post in chat. Title includes the words poo and wedding ring.

I definitely need a drink after that

Bproud · 26/02/2012 18:57

Hi Babes, I've been away for a few days so just catching up.

I thought I was a functioning alcoholic too. It is only since I have stopped drinking that I have realised the extent that I was NOT functioning. Tired and ill every morning, a good day was one where I wasn't feeling sick on my drive to work. Training my colleagues I always had packs of mint and cups of mint tea on the go, dreading them smelling drink on my breath. It is hard to believe how much more 'myself' I feel now, I am truely functioning now, on all cylinders in work and in my homelife.
Well done on the weekend controlled/non drinking everyone, have a good week.

Bproud · 26/02/2012 19:04

EWWW! MsGee I'm so glad my childrearing days are over!

sarahRT · 26/02/2012 19:18

Horses I didn't find your post smug in the least, far from it, it shows a kind heart to be concerned with those that do have problems. xx Text even in good English is very difficult to translate how we really meant it sometimes

There is a test, which I get most girls to take home and fill in, I know if they do it in front of me and hand it back it will not be totally truthful, so never ask for it back, so just use it as a personal questioning session. It is issued by The National Council for Alcohol and Drug Dependency. Questions 1-8 are said to show early signs of alcoholism, which typically last 10 to 15 years, 9 to 21 indicates middle stage alcoholism which usually last 2 to 5 years, and then 22 to 26 show late stage alcoholism. If you want to sit and test yourselves, I will gladly send the questions to you if you want to pm me. It helps some people to help themselves.

Have a peaceful evening one and all. xx

HorsesDogsNails · 26/02/2012 20:03

Sarah, phew! Thanks.

Mr Horses is very happy cos Liverpool won the cup final though it did go to penalties which is just way too tense!!! Curry for tea (not home-made) and Top Gear on the telly...

MsGee · 26/02/2012 20:05

Bproud I know ... Euegh. I was the worst moment of dealing with DD that I've ever had in that respect.

on the plus side I keep freaking DH out by stroking his face Grin

Right. I am in my office. Non alcoholic beer. I am going to work for 30 minutes then re-assess my desire for wine.

30 minutes at a time today.

Mouseface · 26/02/2012 20:06

Ma - I know only too well that fear of physical contact. The idea of any kind of 'fun' with DH leads to him thinking he has a green light to sex and/or intimacy.

I'm sorry. I have nothing else to give you in terms of things to try. I wish that we weren't miles apart. I wish that I could meet you for coffee and cake at our gorgeous village castle.

I'm sorry Ma. I'm sorry that you feel so very trapped.

MsGee - - - EEEEEEEEEEEEEwwwwww, wedding ring and poo? I just can't look but want you to know I am behind you (I think) all the way! Grin xx

Just to let you all know, I am trying tonight to collect enough saliva from Nemo to give a sample to his genetics team in Manchester.

As a child that doesn't actually eat, I'm in for a bloody long night. He doesn't 'produce' saliva as such so every teeny tiny drop helps.

After that, I'm going to bed to pray to my Non God (Jeff) that those of you in need have the vibes to carry on, the strength to leave those who incarcerate you with emotions, guilt and other means.

Night Brave Babes xxxxxxxxxxxx

OP posts:
dementedma · 26/02/2012 20:20

oh *mouse I feel bad that you feel so bad for me. Really, a lot of the time its not that bad. The inability to "let myself go" is down in large part to me as well.
Please don't feel bad for me, a lot of people have it a lot worse Grin

Mouseface · 26/02/2012 20:24

Well, yes they do, but you're my friend and have been here for a long time so I feel protective over you, sorry Blush

Don't feel bad please lovely xxxx

OP posts:
NothingPersonal · 26/02/2012 20:48

Hi again.

I've now ready the whole thread and would really like to be a part of the bus. If it's ok, I'd like to just tell you how I got here:

My Dad was an alcoholic. He died early of cirrhosis.

I began drinking socially (regularly) when I was about sixteen but really got stuck in when I went to university when I drank most days. I was so lonely and unhappy inside, and the bar was a place where I could pretend otherwise.

I met my husband to be and we moved in together and most nights, after work, we?d have a little dinner party for two, complete with wine.

I had to reign things in throughout my pregnancies ? I necked vast volumes of very low alcohol lager and tried to restrict myself to two glasses of wine, a couple of times a week.

My kids are now teenagers and I have been drinking around a half a bottle of wine most nights and probably over a bottle each Friday and Saturday for many years.

In the last year, I?ve had three difficult situations to deal with and my drinking has escalated to between three-quarters and a bottle of wine most nights and a bit more than that on a weekend.

I been concerned about my drinking for ages ? I?ve known I?ve got a problem - but have lied to myself that I?m not an alcoholic because I don?t drink during the day and I only drink wine, and ?all of my friends do the same? (some do, actually most don?t). I once even went to an AA meeting, years ago, but I came home and opened a bottle of wine. I don?t think I?ve ever been longer than about three days without a drink, ever. Until now.

A couple of weeks ago, a couple of things that I?d been worrying about worked out well. I decided that the time had come to stop making excuses to myself about ?poor me, it's so hard and it?s not a good time for me to think about stopping drinking?. I decided that I actually really did want to stop drinking. I?m so frightened that it?ll kill me like it did my Dad and I'm ashamed that I'm a terrible role model for my kids around alcohol. I?m so desperately worried about my liver and frightened that I will already have caused damage.

I knowingly had my last wine-soaked evening last Friday and woke up on Saturday morning resolving that today was the day. It was a relief, actually.

I actually can?t quite believe that I am able to say that today is day ten but it's true! This would have been quite literally unimaginable for me before now.

The weirdest thing is that I have not (yet ? famous last words) found it difficult. I have loved being sober, loved sleeping better, loved having some comfort that I am arresting any damage that has already been done to my poor liver, loved feeling calmer.

I have no desire to go back to that desperate hell of looking at the clock from five o?clock waiting until it?s six (make that nearly six) so that I can open a bottle and make a start on scoffing down as many glasses as I can as quickly as I can.

I feel I have been locked in the grip of a dark habit but in these last ten days, necking booze seems to have lost its magical appeal for me. It had become something I did because ?that?s what I do? and, stupid as it sounds, I didn?t really feel that I had a choice.

I don?t want to be that person anymore. I want to be sober and to embrace my life.

Clearly it?s early days for me. Thanks for allowing me to tell my story. Reading this thread has thrown up so many things for me but I won't hog your screens any longer.

Thanks for having me. Sending you all best wishes.

Onesunnymorningin2012 · 26/02/2012 20:58

Best wishes to you too NP xxx

I have had a drink tonight. Tomorrow will be better.

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 26/02/2012 21:09

Wow ! NP - 10 days is fab Smile

Let's hope for a sunny morning tomorrow OSMI2012

Bohica · 26/02/2012 21:41

Evening all,

I have spent the whole day cleaning the little Boh's bedrooms, lovely day here so windows were open and LO's playing in the garden.

Off to catch up on the thread, my laptop struggles when threads reach the end and tages ageeeeees to load!

Hope you are all doing well.

thurso1 · 26/02/2012 22:21

Hello all,

Just back from a very journey visiting DC2.

My crikey, what a star, he had the leading role in a musical production, and I just don't know where he got the confidence from, but it was there Smile.

Feeling a bit deflated now that I am back home, with only work to look forward to?

Sorry not to reply to all, hello new(er) Babes and welcome, this is better than a summer holiday bus (if anyone can remember that film!) because it lasts all the year round, but with the same positive feelings.

Ma I know exactly how you feel re: fun with Dh, always leads to something..........., and so I find that I don't do it much either.

Anyway, just checking in
Love to all
T xxxxx

thurso1 · 26/02/2012 22:25

very "long" journey that should have said!

Although a very journey visiting Dc2, might explain how in awe of him I feel!

NothingPersonal · 27/02/2012 07:24

Good morning everyone,

I slept so well last night - completely flat out, didn't stir once, and have woken up feeling refreshed, relaxed and purposeful.

I used to fall asleep for a couple of hours, wake in the small hours and then be awake for hours, stressing, mind racing.

Unless I'd knocked myself out with an OTC sleeping pill, in which case I'd sleep all night but wake up still feeling sedatedd. Yuck. What on earth have I been doing to myself all these years?

I think I'm going to make a "moving away from" and "moving towards" list of things to help me focus on all of the benefits of not drinking..

Wish everyone a great day and a wonderful, sober week ahead - Monday's always a good day to renew and strengthen resolve.

Best wishes.

NothingPersonal · 27/02/2012 07:33

PS goodness me, I thought I felt a bit slimmer so I've weighed myself and I've lost a couple of pounds. I guess losing a 600 calorie (?) bottle of wine from my daily intake should make a difference but I have had anything and everything else I've wanted including chocolate, biscuits and cordials to replace the sugar.

I guess I've got another benefit to add to my list.

MsGee · 27/02/2012 07:43

Morning all,

NP your post was so positive. It was lovely to read.

All ok here. I had one glass last night. I guess I should be disappointed that I had that but I'm pleased that its some progress. Plan today is the same, work in the evenings to keep busy and non alcoholic beer.

A great benefit was that DD was poorly again in the night (I'd just got the damn rings clean too!!) and it was nice to be calm to sort her out rather than just going with the easy option.

Today I focus on working and I will not increase alcohol consumption from last night. Tmrw I am going to tackle the gym. Moving towards things, not away.