The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New Year, New Start, The Journey So Far.........

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome. There are all kinds of lovely Babes on board this Bus, drinkers, non-drinkers, part-time drinkers and those who have no idea what they are when it comes to drinking. Some are newer posters and some have been here forever for a little while.

Come and say hi, there are no rules, no 'must haves', just plenty of open and honest support.

You can talk about whatever you like. Your life, your love or even your laundry. We've seen it all!

The important thing is that you can post if you want to, or not if you don't. There are posters in AA and posters who are using medication to beat The Booze and of course posters who are just trying to cut their drinking down with the support of The Bus and the people around them.

See where we've been so far by following this ---> LINK TO PREVIOUS THREADS HERE

Oh yes, I'll be Lucy Jordan, with the warm Parisian wind blowing through my hair. It's windy here but it's frikking freezing.

Oh and I'd quite like to be 37 too

Morning Babes!

Morning all !

That was a lovely party last night in the side car - I love that on this bus
"You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave"
(because you'll only fall into Ma's side-car - anything to stop you all flashing your knickers in the gutter )

Classic stuff !

Mwah, mwah xxx

Have a good day all

day 3 am feeling brighter this morning i keep eating! and drinking tea :D

Some really great posts on here am gonna watch the panorama thing tonight so thanks.

I might buy some ciggies today oh actually does anyone have a link for the e-cig? that might be better. Im not really trying to give up fags im open minded and OK if i end up smoking. They go so well together so some days i find it easier if i don't smoke if that makes sense

NO booze for me I am so done with it!!! I told hubby a few things last night and he agreed i told him i do not want to hear about his drinking, i asked if we can have a booze ban from the house he said that was a good idea for both of us so feelign a lot stronger

Hugs to all those who are struggling so need to feel ashamed on here although i would be the same i always feel guilty after drinking xxx

Morning all.

Well who'd have thought you'd find comedy and good music on a thread full of alkies? . Not heard of The Ballad of Lucy Jordan before, but thank you, I will be adding it to my playlist :)

Trinity I hope you're doing OK this morning. Come and say hello!

Fuzzy, you're sounding good, maybe even boingy...? :)

Quiet, how did you do last night? So much of what you say strikes a chord with me :( Let us know about your DS, won't you? Did you say you were going to take him to another GP?

Christiane, are you out there? How are things? How is DH?

Saf, hope your headache clears soon. That seems to have been going on for a while. Have you had your doctor's appointment yet?

Huey, how you doing?

No boing for me today, but no bleurrrgghh either. Another broken night's sleep, but probably not as bad as Mouse's so really shouldn't complain (but boy, do I want to!).

Hope everyone's having good days so far.

morning - not much of a boing here, in the space of 24 hours hours i have managed a spectacular fallout and makeup with my bf - in 20 years we have never fallen out and its cut me to the quick i think we will be alright, her dh brought her to see me and insist we sort out our problem (too long and trivial to bother you babes with it) he was quite funny actually, he is a lovely man who could see how stupid we were being, tbh i feel like a teenager, and not in a good way! - its just not like us to row, we have been very close, shared the baby years, etc etc, so, im off to lick my wounds for bit!

Morning,definately no boinginess from here

Last night my laptop powe supply died,mr quiets died last week but today his new plug thing arrived.I was even more tetchy with no internet access.

Ok last night I did not have a drink but that was unbelievable hard,I could not go to bed and according to little miss quiet I was really vile.I can see why it will bw very easy to go back,last night and this morning the urge to make it all stop was so strong and I usually don't want a drink in the day unless very very stressy.

Question for whoever may help,I now know that my problems with anxiety/depression were there all along and the drinking was just dulling it all down but why oh why do I now feel even more depressed and angry,I mean real anger,I want to put my fist through a window,I thought I might feel a bit less depressed without shoving booze in my system but apparently not.Instead I want to kick the dog,I nearly did when I tried to run this morning,could not run at all,I mean it was easier when I drank every day ffs.

I have made an appointment with gp tomorrow for myself,god knows how I am going to sit there and tell this 30 something professional I am abusing booze instead of dealing with all that's making me unhappy in life.And this is the cruncher,I don't really even know what's making me so bleurgh,yes I know ds is hard but right at this moment I want to walk away from everyone and everything,I want to just be alone,how horrible is that?

sillystroke I am going to see the gp for myself before I even go down the route with ds I think as in the last week I have failed on every count of being a decent parent,so I need to sort me before I can sort him but will mention to gp tomorrow.

I hope the rest of you are having a far better time than me and sorry for being so yakky just need to get it down so I can read it back later on.

fuzzy sorry forgot to put it on,this is what I use.The code NYRS gets a £30 discount,it still works I tried it.

www.skycig.co.uk/

quiet
right at this moment I want to walk away from everyone and everything,I want to just be alone,how horrible is that?

Not horrible at all. speaking as someone who has a running away bag permanently packed and a picture inside my office cupboard which says, "one day, you will".

Hello all, not much boing here either. Must be something in the air. Too much work, not enough sleep and a headache that's gone on for a week. Total crapfest.

quiet just tell the gp how you feel. Write it down before you go if you think it's going to be hard to say. If its impossible to say, write it down and give the piece of paper to him. He will have heard it all before. Or she. No idea what sex your gp is but don't want to assume its a he! You don't have to give a reason, or a guess as to what's wrong. Just say what you feel. It's a start, an important start.

ma one day when? Do you have a milestone or time in mind?

Gosh, sorry ma that sounded much ruder than I intended, like I'm interrogating you. My apologies .

I was asking because I have a friend who does almost exactly the same thing, she has a milestone in mind.

right! gettin' me boing back here!

quiet - i dont believe anyone who says that they are happy all the time, that their families are perfect and dont drive them mad, that their job is 100% fullfulling etc etc. - i think its perfectly normal for a person to want run away sometimes, to dislike their children and spouse, to feel trapped, unhappy and generally bloody pissed off!, i wonder if what you are feeling right now is magnified because you are not dulling it with booze?, i think it can come as an almightly shock actually, to suddenly have to deal with all the underlying shit that was always there but was hidden by alcohol - give yourself a break, allow yourself to feel these feelings, dont feel guilty, go with them, FEEL them! (obviously try not to murder anyone! ) your family have to understand that you are not a machine!

oh! and fwiw, i think it does children good to realise that sometimes mummy/daddy is not very happy, that its not their (the dcs) fault, but they have to be a bit kind and think about someone else now and again! its part of learning to care for others!

Jesus, I hope you're feeling OK and not too shell-shocked.

Ma...:( You have brought tears to my eyes. I don't know how you live like that. I am wary of saying something inappropriate or insensitive as this is such a personal subject and of course I don't know everything about your situation, but it just seems like such a sad way to live. I hope you're OK :(

Quiet, I could have written every single word that you did in your previous post...(except for the bit about going running... :)). I only have my own experience to offer but I was exactly the same. When I first stopped (as in for more than a couple of days), I was soooo down I can't tell you. I remember sitting outside (it was a beautiful, sunny winter's day), looking out at the beautiful view and just crying and crying. My hangovers were gone and the daily shame of having drank to excess yet again had gone, yet I felt terrible. Physically better I suppose but mentally and emotionally dreadful. My anxiety was through the roof (I wanted a drink after breakfast - I never used to drink in the day) and I wondered why I was bothering to give up the booze. I expected to feel great, but I didn't. I don't know whether you're the same (I hope not for your sake!) but I think about things a lot. Too much, it doesn't get my anywhere most of the time! But to me it was important to understand why I drank too much, and why I was anxious and depressed in the first place. So I spent a lot of time and energy in making sense of my past and of my reactions to it. It was horrible and painful and exhausting, and it made me feel hopeless and depressed and angry. But...I think it was absolutely essential to my moving forward in my life, to stopping using alcohol in the way I did. I have untangled all my history and my experiences and I can now understand why I became an alcoholic. I am now trying to accept it. It's hard but I'm getting there. I have no real experience of counselling etc but I believe what I went through (the thinking and analysing etc) and the resulting emotional responses were necessary for me to stop drinking like I did, and to forgive myself for it. I'm still working on that one too... Sorry if this has gone on too much or just doesn't apply to you, but what you were saying sounded so familiar. You will feel the benefits of not drinking at some point. I promise! One day you'll post on here about the boing and how great you feel. I hope that day is soon :)

hello, just letting you know I'm ok.

Quiet biggest hugs flying through cyber space. Will have to be quick but just wanted to say totally normal, which is why being detoxed in a safe place is often a good idea. Six weeks of being able to get used to the changes you are going through with nothingness except thinking of your well being and hearing compassion from all the professionals. Not an option for most, so you just have to understand that this is the drinks fault, not yours. Despise your addiction, not yourself. You are brave, glad you are going to the doc's and yes, they have heard it a million times before.

Take care, and keep moving forward always. xx

Off for the most expensive hair-cut of my life at Toni&Guy, I shall return looking like a gorgeous sleb, not sure which one yet, as long as it's not Gregg Wallace, I'll be happy.

Keep being Brave Babes xxxx

Hey Babes

checking in - sorry I haven't been posting for a while but DM and work taking up all my time at the moment.

Just got back from hospital and TBH I don't think there is much more they can do for her apart from keep her comfortable and manage any pain. She's been bedbound for 5 weeks now and is so weak

My drinking still pretty much the same but religiously taking the naltrexone so hope to see some results in the next few weeks................

Hi everyone.

Quiet- I am going through very similar feelings to you and wondering if this is worthwhile as I actually feel worse. I have been on ADs for years as well anyway so I guess I just have to ride this out. I hope you have some good advise from the GP (that you can give to me too!).

Mouse- I hope the hair cut is gorgeous.

My DH is away with work at the moment to I am coping with 4 DCs on my own. They are 2,3,4 and 5 so it can be stressful and the feeling to drink this evening was huge. I had got in from the school run and thought, bugger, I don't want to drag them all to the shops on my own in this cold weather to buy wine . I then thought I would check the cupboards for any booze I missed in my cull a couple of weeks ago and found a bottle of sparkling wine from xmas. BUT it is still there in tack in the cupboard. I gritted my teeth and have got through tea time and bedtime without it and don't feel the need for it (much) now. The DCs are in bed (1 asleep, 3 to go!)

Evening,thanks to all that have offered support it is most welcome.

sillystroke every single word you have typed is ringing big big bells with me,I too wanted a drink this morning ,and the only time I have ever done that was on christmas day.I also seem to have started to dissect my entire life,flashbacks from unhappy times in the past,all my own making really as I had a very (what I thought was) stable upbringing.I cannot believe how this feels so shit,and yes have thought what the hell am I doing this for,life was easier before but as my personality had started to change whilst drinking a bottle on an empty stomach I guess I do have to keep at it.

Am going to put master quiet to bed in a minute then attack a trashed kitchen,due to little miss and her friend baking cupcakes and yes she will be helping clear up

I hope ye all have a good evening

Hello Babes

I'm exhausted today, but I've had a very productive day at work.

Trinity, good to see you and glad you're okay.

Quiet and Ma, massive hugs to both of you.

Rain, wishing you a peaceful evening!

This is just a quick visit as I've got to do some studying before I sleep. Night all.

quiet
it totally feels like that some days! I feel calm and numb and depressed when im drinking along with guilt shame and failure. When im not drinking i feel fucking angry!! tetchy irritable emotional painful. Hmm so which is worse. I can say that when i did give up drinkign and smoking last time after the first few weeks i felt bloody fantastic! I just can't get to that place atm grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Day 3 nearly over though not been crying so much today

xx

boss no offence. i don't have a particular milestone in mind, just a mythical one day, which give me hope.
silly please don't be upset. It really isn't that bad, I'm not living in abject fear and misery. I am just reconciled to knowing that, for me, it is over and that I don't love DH and that one day, hopefully, I will get my freedom back and be able to live on my own, the way i want to without being anybody's anything, if that makes sense. I am an ungrateful bitch as people live with far, far worse but that is where I am. But I'm fairly ok with it now that i have accepted that is where I am, rather than fighting it.
I just hope the bugger doesn't live to a ripe old age and then I never get away

Evening all,

WhatWillBe here but under my normal name, I was going to only post as WhatWillBe on the thread about my mum and here but it feels to strange posting under a namechange.

I was embarrassed when I posted my thread about my mum but I'm not embarrassed posting here.

After a massive wibble and a frantic PM to Jesus over the weekend I realised I was only drinking to block out thinking about my mum and coping with work and children and bordom and lonliness so I have stopped.

Day 4 here for me, not sleeping very well but I am drinking lots of tea and eating chocolate & tonight I actually looked forward to my cup of tea!

Last night I took the brave babes to bed with me and read the thread from the biginning and I plan to do the same tonight with the first ever thread, I'm staying up late because my brain needs to learn how to switch of without being drunk to sleep.

Just wanted to say hello.