The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New Year, New Start, The Journey So Far.........

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome. There are all kinds of lovely Babes on board this Bus, drinkers, non-drinkers, part-time drinkers and those who have no idea what they are when it comes to drinking. Some are newer posters and some have been here forever for a little while.

Come and say hi, there are no rules, no 'must haves', just plenty of open and honest support.

You can talk about whatever you like. Your life, your love or even your laundry. We've seen it all!

The important thing is that you can post if you want to, or not if you don't. There are posters in AA and posters who are using medication to beat The Booze and of course posters who are just trying to cut their drinking down with the support of The Bus and the people around them.

See where we've been so far by following this ---> LINK TO PREVIOUS THREADS HERE

Quiet - It's rather scary isn't it when you can feel that change inside you. You suddenly feel the fuzzy blur of the alcohol warming your body. The synthetic happiness it creates is fantastic at that very moment. It's no wonder that you are down afterwards. Alcohol is a depressant and a bloody fierce one at that.

I hope that you feel less down tomorrow simply by realising that it's the alcohol causing you to feel that way. xx

I'm off to sort dinner and more washing out, in that order so will be back tomorrow Babes.

Stay safe and warm wherever you are tonight. xx

Don't worry Quiet- today is a new day.

I think I may have found a key today to less/no drinking. I woke up feeling so positive and ready for the day. I got so much done, was much more tolerant with the kids and generally felt good about myself. I have focussed on that morning feeling this evening to stop myself being tempted by wine. I am not saying that this is going to work for me everytime and I am still really missing that initial glass of fuzziness but I think the feeling I got this morning actually trumpted the evening fuzziness.

Bpround- I am not sure what to suggest about the social occasions. I have not had any experience of going to one and not drinking and since I had the 4DCs these occasions don't arise. I guess if your DH doesn't like the way you behave when you aren't drinking then I would suggest not going at all. As for the family thrusting drinks upon you. Can you be honset with them and just say you have stopped drinking alcohol and take a nice bottle of soft drink with you. After all, people are often supportive of people on diets. It is strange that people get annoyed when you say you aren't drinking .

I really hope you have all had a good weekend and Ma I hope you are feeling better now.

I'll catch up tomorrow xxxx

well DD1 and DD2 began carnival last night at 1am - BEGAN - and got back home at 8am. How times have changed. When I was an au pair abroad I wouldn't have even considered an allnighter (I was very boring), and couldn't communicate with my mother other than by phone which was very expensive, or by airmail letter. If she had managed to contact me by letter before my night out it would have said something like "have a nice time, make sure you get the last bus and wear something sensible". I "spoke" to DD2 on MSN last night before she went out and the end of the conversation went:
DD2 - yeah, just dying Amy's hair blue then we r goin out
me: have fun, stick together, don't mix your drinks, and no unprotected shagging
DD2 - yes mother! (complete with eye-rolling emoticon)

still feel blue, will go to bed as soon as I can disconnect DS from TopGear and get him in bed!

Just checking in. Will catch up tomorrow.

Been a busy but productive weekend (I exist to tick things off lists apparently ).

No drinking for me. Another week nailed .

Ma, it sounds like you have a fab relationship with your girls. Lucky DDs . Hope you feel less blue tomorrow.

Sleep well everyone (is it really only half past eight?? Gosh there are so many more hours in a sober day!).

I am back on bus after a few days of losing sight of you all ... Day 2. DD not well and kept us up many nights in a row. PILs were over on the weekend and marginally more annoying than they had been recently - the usual gripes, overriding what I say, saying stupidly insensitive things. But not too bad.

Anyway, no excuses. The drinking was all on me. I drank because for whatever reason I wanted to. I was in the phase where you don't even pretend to move the bottle more than a few inches from your glass because it needs topping up so much.

So Day 2. Today I will not be drinking.

Morning, tis me, Mouse

MsGee - Hey lovely, what's been going on then? Are you okay? Has something triggered you wanting to drink or is it just a case of 'I want to so I will'? Sorry your PILs gave you a rough time. xx

Has anyone seen or heard from Saf?

Ma - I'm loving the 'no unprotected shagging' remark!

Nemo is still not 100%, I seriously can't wait until spring and the warmer, dryer weather appears, well, hopefully!

Busy day ahead, flyers to design for the nursery toy sale, shopping to do (big shop ) housework, calls to make, people to chase..... then Zumba later on.

How are we all? xx

just checking in. still feeling a bit low and on the teary side. Feels like PMT but that's just been and gone so maybe I'm just being a wimp.

Morning all.

MsGee doing what you wanted to do is fine if you really wanted to do it! Something to ponder, you all are addressing your physical sobriety, which is great, but that underlying emotional sobriety is the toughest one. Lots of layers to go through there, and until you are really comfortable with it, you will just keep asking yourselves to jump through hoops. I really understand how that feels.

Well Lent starts on Wednesday, three guesses what everyone is giving up?

For me it's deviating off my list in the supermarket.

Ah dm Don't be blue ! Was lovely to hear about your girls and their all night Carnivaling antics ! Like silly said it sounds like you have a great relationship with them ! I wish my mother had given me advice like yours

Hope I'll have learnt all I need to know on here before my DD is out partying all night ! She's already going out with her girlfriends for evening meals at Nando's - which is scary enough for me

boing!!!

juggling - my dd once came and woke me up at 4 in the morning to tell me she was going out and would be late back! the next morning i found kebab wrappers and chips all over the front step where her friends had being sitting, they had all left the club to go to a party but dd thought she ought to let me know as they were passing the house! thanks for that!

Quick post as I need to make myself presentable for a meeting.

Ma your daughters sound lovely and as if you had a great relationship with them. teary is ok - just go with it, there doesn't have to be an excuse. your body is telling you to be kind to yourself

sarah thanks - I find that its more of a compulsion than something I really want. A kind of default setting.

Mouse - not sure what the trigger was. I drank on a night out on thursday and it was nice. A rare, fun night out. Then I just kept on. Feel crap and hungover, so by the end of the day I feel really crap and what will make me feel good again? WINE!! So beginneth the vicious circle. And then PILs ... well, its still my choice but its back to that default when life is annoying/good/bad/stressful/chilled out .. so anything.

MIL was asking if we are having another baby and then went on to refer to the last year as if it was a slightly worse mc - lovely DH pulled her up on it straight away and pointed out in no uncertain terms that (for us, no offence to anyone) it was nothing like the mc and such as traumatic event that we are still struggling etc. Then to cap it off DD asked if I am allergic to babies and if not, why don't I have one.

But this is life. And I can find a million excuses to drink but really its just the same self destruct button. Its the way I deal with life.

Also - really odd but does anyone else feel a stronger need to drink when they are pre-menstrual? I have noticed a definite pattern and cannot work out why.

MsGee - sugar. Unless it's the actual taste of the wine, then I'd say it's the sugar rush that you crave around the time of your period.

I'm so sorry that DD said that to you, even though she has no idea of the hurt it caused you, I'm sure it made you when she said it.

The one good thing is that you survived your PIL visiting without murdering them!

Ma - I'm sorry you are feeling that why out..... xx

MsGee, are you still talking to your in-laws?? Jeez, some people are insensitive (that's my polite, benefit-of-the-doubt-type word for them anyway). I too get far, far stronger urges to drink when I have PMT. I know for me that it's because of my increased tension/anxiety at that time, and alcohol really helps, unfortunately (although only very temporarily, and actually causes more anxiety the next day so not worth it - I'm learning aren't I? ). PMT is rubbish isn't it? I keep meaning to look into treatment for it but evening primrose oil or the like just ain't gonna touch it. I need horse tranquillisers or something. At least you're getting to know your triggers, it can only help

Ma, sorry you're feeling blue. That's not like you (well its not my perception of you anyway). Why do you think you're feeling down? You seemed so happy and chilled the other night (when your DH was away...). Hope you're having a good day now.

Did you get much sleep Mouse, or were you treated to a midnight feast of nursery rhymes? Bless Nemo, he really is too cute. My DS woke me at the crack of dawn to tell me about the worst thing in the world. He had dropped his toy tractor (and farmer, may I add) down the side of the bed. Excellent. Nah, I don't need sleep, me

Hello again.

I started in Jan but basically didn't get far as Jan turned into a bit of a nightmare. Both DCs ill for quite a lot of time which meant that had to do extra days at work to do it up. Horrible family occasion which was dreading. Various other household disasters which took up lots of time and made me feel exhausted.

I know - all these things are just normal parts of life but basically I got quite downhearted and couldn't get motivated to be sober. It would have helped to have a bit of a run at it. Ah well - try again.

So I am getting back on the bus and hoping to make a better effort for lent.

I am back from meeting a client. I think my new dress is a bit shorter than I expected (ahem). Still ... why not

Mouse yes - sugar rush! next time I will stock up with chocolate and other nice things. Unfortunately DD has the tact of a sledgehammer (like me) so blunders on. The other day she told me it was really easy to have a baby so couldn't see why I didn't have one. Apparently you just grow one in your tummy and then POP! So there you, biology 101 from a three year old

Silly glad to know its not just me with the PMT. Next month I will have a plan... And yes, in laws are still being spoken too. They used to be really awful but after some strong words between MIL and DH last year things had improved a lot. I know that they mean well, they just have no understanding whatsoever of how DH and I feel - but my folks are the same, to a lesser extent so I figure we just suck it up. They love DD and she loves them and (at the moment) they aren't doing any harm so I bite my tongue a lot. They have very little experience of young children so I tell myself this is all new to them. I wonder if DH was beamed down to their lives aged 12 because they have NO understanding of normal toddler behaviour and how to deal with it.

SSSM - sleep? Ahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. After last night's tractor drama, you should know first hand how my night was..... last night's treat was Nemo telling me 'happy' 'sad' 'happy' 'sad' following my lovely SIL showing the fridge magnet with the theatre masks on!

He stood there for ages turning them around and around. Bless.

MsGee - I can recommend Cadbury's Dairy Milk Bubbly Bar! So far I've only found it in a 90g bar. Oh well!

Afternoon all .

I had a lovely productive weekend and really enjoyed my meal out on Sunday. I had two glasses of wine as planned with lunch. Then no more since then . It did go straight to my head though so I'm glad I had a good walk after lunch in the fresh air to sober up .

I have surprised myself - I have turned into a 'lightweight' as far as alcohol is concerned. One of those people I used to make fun of because they get tipsy after one glass.

I was off diet for one day to celebrate - I have now lost a stone this year. I'm really pleased that I stuck to my diet during half term week. I am changing some habits and it's really paying off.

But the biggest, bestest habit I have changed is the way I drink. The amount I drink and how often. This has been the key to my weight loss. Like Rain said, you can achieve so much more when not drinking and feel so good about it.

Welcome back msbojo stick around, you will find lots of motivation here to help you along .

Well I have noticed a very interesting thing. I was out all day yesterday, returned late evening gasping for a cup of tea. Dp was drinking a glass of wine.

I have just gone into the kitchen, and there is the bottle of wine with about a glass-and-a-half out of it, and his empty glass next to it.

Two things are of interest to me: 1) I have only just noticed the bottle 2) My biggest feeling is of (mild) irritation that he hadn't washed his glass.

I suppose there's nothing remarkable about either of those 2 things. Except that the astonishing thing is that 18 months ago it would have been so, so different. Firstly, I doubt I'd have had a cup of tea when I got home. After a stressful and tiring day I'd have immediately got wellied into the wine (and of course if I had, then there would have been none left in the bottle today anyway). If there had been anything left, I know that I'd have clocked the wine as soon as I went into the kitchen the following morning and I would have instantly had a plan. This would no doubt involve going and buying an identical bottle, so that I could drink what was left, and then drink the equvalent amount of the new bottle (plus one extra glass, so that dp would know that I had had a glass of wine, in case I smelt of alcohol). Then when dp came home we would have shared the remainder of the new bottle.

Bloody hell it must have been confusing for him - it would look as though I'd had less than half a bottle of wine, yet I would have been pretty pissed.

And the final astonishing thing is that previously if I had found a 2/3rds full bottle of wine it would have been an immense struggle not to drink it. A real fight. Today I feel nothing for it. Just nothing. How bizarre.

I am not going to be complacent here. I don't imagine I'm 'cured', and I certainly won't be testing out the theory by having a drink but if anyone had told me that even for one day I would feel like I do today, I would not have believed it.

venus - look at all that bloody hard work you used to put in covering your tracks? All that deceit? All those little white lies? You must have been exhausted trying not to slip up and get caught out.

Not to mention the empties having to be hidden. Wow, busy, busy, busy. All those hours wasted knowing that if DP got wind you'd be gutted and so would he.

Aren't you please you don't have to be that person anymore? I know that I am, for you my lovely and for myself.

The number of times I'd suddenly snap up and shout 'NO! It's fine, I'll get it.' Whatever 'it' was had normally been used to cover up a few empties at the back of the wardrobe. Or worst still, and this is really bad, I once hid an empty bottle of vodka under DD's divan bed.

Jeff, what an absolutely shite thing to do to her. What if she'd found it? Thank Jeff it was empty. I imagine there are drinkers out there who hide full or half bottles in their children's belongings and under their beds.

Who's going to search there to see if you're drinking and hiding the evidence??

I hated what I was doing but it didn't stop me drinking. It didn't stop the lies. I had to be ready to own the fact that I was not drinking as the 'average' drinker does, oh no, I'd gone waaaaay past that point.

Thing is, it's easy to judge someone, someone who's doing something you never have, or even thought you'd do. If I watched a programme where a woman/man/ was behaving how I used to, I'd be rolling my eyes.

These days, I'm far more no judgemental. There but for the grace and all that. You just don't know who you are going to be until you get there. Every day is different, every day is who you are and you can change that.

You can not drink today. Or you can have one less drink today. It's up to you who you are

Wow! That was a long waffle, sorry! Bit of a ramble too.

I can't do this anymore! I can't have another drink again I have to stop. Not going to count days or anything just stopping now today this is it!

Venus bet you feel fantastic now

Throw it down the sink Fuzzy. That was what stoped me. I it was in the house I drank it and I had to throw EVERYTHING down the sink as I would stoop to old mulled wine, chocolate liquer etc etc.

I took the kids on a walk after the pick up today. It is light for longer now and it meant that when we got in I was in a rush to get some tea on the table and didn't have time to think about wine (not that I have any in the house). (I also made sure we walked in the opposite direction to the local shops

Hope everone is doing ok today xxxx

mouse that sounds familiar,not from me but this is what my exhusband used to do,when I moved from where we lived together,I was so shocked when I emptied the loft as there were literally hundreds of empty bottles and cans in there,same in this massive storage cupboard we had that was full to the brim with crap,when I packed it up they fell out all over the floor.

and now look at me,on the same path

Rain I too have drunk any old shit I could find when I have been desperate

Quiet - it doesn't have to that path you walk, it's all up to you. YOU are the sat nav to your life my love, it's down to you.

You have to want to stop more than anything in the entire world. More than your own last breath, otherwise, you just won't. It's easier not to stop some days, tough days.

You are not your ex. Remember that xx

'be' (that path) was missing, whoops!

mouse :o you is a wise thing you is