The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New Year, New Start, The Journey So Far.........

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome. There are all kinds of lovely Babes on board this Bus, drinkers, non-drinkers, part-time drinkers and those who have no idea what they are when it comes to drinking. Some are newer posters and some have been here forever for a little while.

Come and say hi, there are no rules, no 'must haves', just plenty of open and honest support.

You can talk about whatever you like. Your life, your love or even your laundry. We've seen it all!

The important thing is that you can post if you want to, or not if you don't. There are posters in AA and posters who are using medication to beat The Booze and of course posters who are just trying to cut their drinking down with the support of The Bus and the people around them.

See where we've been so far by following this ---> LINK TO PREVIOUS THREADS HERE

thanks rainqueen and well done to you

JWN, what an achievement!!! huge kudos dude

mouse you talk some serious sense

lol silver, I wouldn't go to the cinema to watch the muppets if you paif me and I LIKE kiddie films

faire how very insightful. Bang on the nail as usual. I could live very happily without him, but not just now. My hope is that one day i will, but for now it's manageable. He is not some kind of wife-beating monster, it is not unbearable. just not happy, I suppose.
On the alcoholic parent front, my father was a problem drinker and my brother has basically destroyed his life through alcohol abuse. Twin boys he has never seen since they were babies, now adopted officially by his ex's new husband...career, money, everything lost.

Just wondering how you think things might pan out with your partner dm ?

Interesting that you're thinking of going it alone one day.

Do you have DCs ? (I'm sure you do)

Do your plans depend on them a bit ? Or other things ?

Really good willpower exercised lovely darlings. Faire and Ma I have seen so many that do have addicted parents, although I am not altogether sold on the genetic link, perhaps a learnt behaviour? I am researching THIQ quite extensively at the moment, if anyone is interested, this a brief description of the hypothesis. fedgeno.com/documents/thiq.pdf. I am a great believer in when you accept that you have a problem, that any knowledge is power, I never preach, but love to teach people to understand their condition without blaming themselves for it constantly, or anything else for that matter.

Have a safe Saturday night everyone. xx

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Silver - I love the Muppets.

Juggling - how are you my lovely, I've not chatted to you for a while, things under control? All good with you?

Trinity - Ah, I'm a fully paid up member of this Bus. Stick with us and you'll be grand sweets. I hope that things in your life are much simpler, and that the world is being kinder to you these days.

I always admired your strength when I read your posts, even though I could feel the sorrow in them, the desperation in them, it all still came through but you came out the other side. Every time you hit a wall, you managed to get over it.

The last time I was 'with you' was a BBQ, maybe an anniversary for N? Where we were trying to think up simple foods, get the guests to bring food and drinks too so you didn't have to do so much.

Wow, that feels so long ago and you are still amazing to me.

So, if you want to give up the booze for good, you're in the right place. Or, if for now, you just want to cut down, the same applies. You are always welcome here. xxx

Gah!!! I cannot seem to make it past thurday or fridday without a\ drink OK so i made it to thursday this week next week i will do til friday next week saturday and so on. baby steps right? Thing is each day as it comes doesnt really help me because i can manage mon tue weds no problem for some reason! stoopid booze

Hi mouse

Thanks for your really warm greetings. I've just been to visit my family over the half-term hols, which was lovely. But perhaps not always an unconditionall warmth from my mother. Suspect their might be many on here, and perhaps on MN generally, who might know whhere I'm coming from with that

There have been some lovely, lovely posts on here yesterday / today. Not 'pretend' happy - but sincere and honest and warm. Isn't it amazing that such depth of feeling (and subtle nuance) can be felt over the internet?

I am another with the Ab-Fab relationship with dd1, so despite all the recent traumas it had been good to be a 'good mother' to her - and a good friend too. dd2 has more of a party habit than I ever had, and tbh I worry about her for the (long-term) future - I know it has to be her choice (as it does for all of us) but I think I will be vigilant about her habits as she gets older.

fuzzy why don't you have an 'extra' 'Wednesday' this week - so it goes Mon, Tues, Wed, Wed, Fri? would that help?

Evening All

Feel I haven't been aboard for ages!!! Although I am still with you in spirit every day.
All going well here. Children are both great. DD (13) is really working hard at school and appears to be happy, although she has a boyfriend now am struggling with that one! DS is just DS, kooky and quirky as ever.

Some of the oldies may remember me talking about my exfil, He was having real problems with the drinking this time last year. Well - I am really thrilled to say that he is now 7 months sober!! ODAAT. It has transformed his life, and mine and the kids too. Wow - who knew that sobriety was not just a gift to yourself.

It has definitely benefitted DS the most. He and his Grandad are tight . He'd far rather be with him doing manly things - than be with his mum and sister. And now he does, safe in the knowledge that his grandad is always "right" if that makes sense! He also lives round the corner, so is very accessible, and I love the fact that DS has a male role model in his life. (His father being a total waste of space).

I am still running, and have now added kickboxing and kettlebells to my fitness regime. (Aware that I am probably swapping one addiction for another - still - less likely to kill me).

Things are still not sorted with my ex , but hey, I can name many many occasions in the 15 months I could have justified drinking to myself, but the only person I would have been hurting would have been me. Drinking the poison expecting the person that I was angry with to get sick warped thinking there!!
The best revenge is definitely living well, keeping it in the day, and even when it is totally totally shitting fucking awful, realising that pouring alcohol into my poor alcoholic body was upping the odds of making the situation shittier and more fucked up.

We have had a really lovely day today. All at my mum's to celebrate my Gran's 85th Birthday. Everyone else partook of the champagne, I stuck to J20, and do you know, not once did it occur to me that I could be resentful.

So sitting here tonight, snuggled next to DD and DS watching Robots, I do believe that the best decision I have ever made to myself was to stop trying to control my drinking, stop trying to stop, stop trying to drink "safe" amounts, stop trying to do deals with myself about when, where and what I could drink. But ODAAT take drinking out of the equation completely.

Simple, but not always easy.
No negotiation, no fuss, it is not an option for me today.
And hasn't been for 15 months . And prior to that - I couldn't stay sober for longer than a few days.

Hope all the BB's are well.
And special hugs to bproud mouse JWN and all the other oldies

Right - better find out what's been happening in this movie!!

What a lovely post Bafana.

Not the ex part obv but everything else and especially the last part bought a smile to my face whilst reading and gave me things to think about to.

thanks mouse...

Good to hear from you Bafana and lovely to hear you sounding so positive. I agree totally about the huge amount of effort that I had to put into controlling my drinking - it is like a roller coaster with adverts for alcohol and opportunities to drink appearing at every twist and turn. So much easier not to be in that space bargaining with myself.

It's a lovely bright morning here. I'm up early to go to a trade exhibition, I must be one of the few exhibitors who is not trying to lure customers in with a competition for a free bottle of booze.

Have a lovely Sunday everyone. x

Thanks venus - lovely bright day here too - DH is out for the day so just have to think what to do with the DCs ! Have a few possibilities to juggle with !

Lovely post bafana

Have a nice day everyone

boing!!

hey bafana - wonderful to hear form you! and great to hear about fil! im with you on the fucking about with 'controlled drinking'! i just could be arsed to bother with it, i tried for years, life is so much easier now it is just not in the daily equation! no deals, no angst, no guilt, so much easier!

hmm! 'not be arsed' that would be!

Morning everyone. I tied a huge one on yesterday and, thankfully, don't have the hangover I deserve.

I'm not going to drink today. And the sun is shining :)

No hangover for me this morning has meant that I have stripped and washed all the beds. Done a few jobs that I have been putting off and generally just felt better about myself

Must remember this feeling the next time I am tempted.

Right,I have avoided this all day but I keep seeing you all posting

I drank an entire bottle of wine last night :( but there is an upside to it.After not drinking apart from the gin blip all week I, last night,actually did not like how it made me feel after the 1st 2 glasses,this is a forst for me

and then I woke up this morning and felt like shit and I did not like it after waking up all last week feeling good.My head had that high pitched whine back in it

so I failed on one count but it has made me think and I stepped on the scales and a couple of my wino llbs have come off so that is enough incentive as have gained quite a few 10 wine llbs in the last 18months

Lessons have been learnt and am starting to think like jeses maybe this controlled drinking will be a nono for me

onwards and upwards though :)

just checking in - feeling a little melancholic today if the truth be told..no real reason

Bafana I am totally with you on the teetotal thang. I did try to moderate my drinking a long time ago, only to find that I failed miserably, and in fact the pain was far worse. I thought about it constantly, all the what ifs, and should dos, it was far too much hassle. But each to their own. I prefer the non stress route with all things.

Ma you have been doing lots of thinking, maybe that's it. Time to think alone with no distraction, precious that. I'll send you a hug if you want one.

Glorious day here, old Liz Jones is preaching about middle aged women drinkers in the paper, it's starting to be a hot topic, not before time.

Quiet, if only one bottle has made you ponder, then that is a bit of turning point.

Wonder what happened to Wolf who was stranded in the snow in Italy???

Hope everyone has a good Sunday. xxx

hey bafana it is great to hear that you are doing so well, wow you are right, we are up to 15 monrhs, who would've thunk it!

I went another 'bit of a do' last night that DH is so keen on, it was all dinner jackets and posh frocks, everyone looked glamourous and handsome... at the beginning of the evening. By the end of the night one of the women was paralytic, had her head on the table, husband was shouting at her, she told him to F off. I felt absolutely mortified, so sorry for her, but also shocked and ashamed of her.
I left DH and a group in the bar drinking they were up until dawn continuing to drink. They staggered to breakfast looking and feeling like deep fried dogshit. (DH was fine, he is a moderate drinker).

I am so, so, grateful that I am off that treadmill. But I really hate going to these events, I always found them hard, but drinking made it possible. Now they are just awful, everyone drinks so much, I feel so uncomfortable, trouble is that as everyone gets drunk they think they are having great fun.
DH thinks I am a wet blanket, he called me a 'miserable gran' last night when I wouldn't join in with the drunken rendition of auld langs syne, but I really can't win, he gets cross and sulks if I won't go but also gets cross if I do go and don't enjoy myself. he thinks I have changed, but it is just because I can't mask my feelings with alcohol anymore.
Sorry for the rant, it has upset me, I did call him on the unpleasant way he spoke to me and he apologised, but I don't know how to deal with these social events JWN can you send me some of your confidence?

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Ma - no real reason - I can think of a couple, DD1 is in Spain, IIRC DD2 is out there visiting her, DS has just had a birthday taking him into double figures and DH is, well, DH.

Here, have one of these but don't tell anyone else, they'll all want one. {{{{ MOUSEHUG? }}}} xx

Trinity - you're always welcome.

Bafana my lovely friend! Wonderful to hear about your XFIL! You must be absolutely over the moon for him and more importantly, DS. I bet he adores him and vice versa.

Sorry your XH is still being a twat pratt. Where are things up to with him? Feel free to have a rant here if it helps xx

Quiet - Lesson learnt? I hope so. Can I ask you something please? Don't take this as judging you or an attack but you said that you didn't like how the wine "made me feel after the 1st 2 glasses,this is a forst for me". Why did you finish the bottle then?

I'm not picking on you, I'm just wondering because I've done that in the past myself. For me, I didn't want to waste the alcohol by pouring it down the sink. Even though I didn't really like the taste or the sensation, I was loathed to throw it away.

Well done Rain!!! Wouldn't it be great if we could bottle that feeling?

at venus and her lack of free wine to bribe customers! Chocolates instead?

Fuzzy - what's so different about Mon - Weds for you that you don't/won't/can't drink? How is Thursday different for you? Is it the start of the weekend for you? What do you think about what venus suggested, the extra Weds?

Well, we (Nemo and I) for an hour last night. He seems to wake with a headache and temperature at around 4am and then settle down back to sleep an hour or so later.

Last night, we got up and went to the loo, got fresh water, gave him some meds and then went back to bed. He then decided that Old MacDonald would be a really good song to yell at the top of his voice!

DD had a friend to stay and DH was in Nemo's room, still ill. After several "Eeee IIIII Eeeee IIII OOOOOOOooo" he managed to drift off and we woke just before 11am! Not a peep from him until then so today, I feel great! All refreshed and boingy just for having a few hours solid sleep.

It really does help, having sleep. What a treat!

Bproud this will be my worry in the coming months,where we live the pub is a place where you go and drink,my inlaws are alwys profering g&t or wine as soon as you get through the door and I know that I have used alcohol to give me confidence,in reality I am painfully shy and really do not enjoy socialising if not drinking as it feels so uncomfortable.How do you develop confidence to go out and not drink when everyone else is off their chops so to speak.

mouse I don't know why I finished it,I felt fed up and I thought well I might as well finish it rather than throw it down the sink.I think it was the fact I actually felt myself change after a couple of glasses,I had done my usual thing of not eating before drinking but had dinner during,makes the fuzzy feeling more effective .I don't think I am making much sense right now though.My head is all over the place so I may seem upbeat today but then tomorrow I might be really really down.

quiet I find small groups are OK, dinner parties no problem, even the pub, but I think I will have to stand up to DH and say I just can't do these big dos where I don't really know anyone.

We went with a single friend of DH and she said she never goes to anything that she doesn't want to. It sounds daft but it was a lightbulb moment, she doesn't do anything she doesn't want to, because she doesn't have to please anyone else. I go to all sorts of things because DH wants to, and it's strange but if it is a classical concert, shakespeare or opera, I go alone because he doesn't like it... I think I need to get more assertive!