The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New Year, New Start, The Journey So Far.........

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome. There are all kinds of lovely Babes on board this Bus, drinkers, non-drinkers, part-time drinkers and those who have no idea what they are when it comes to drinking. Some are newer posters and some have been here forever for a little while.

Come and say hi, there are no rules, no 'must haves', just plenty of open and honest support.

You can talk about whatever you like. Your life, your love or even your laundry. We've seen it all!

The important thing is that you can post if you want to, or not if you don't. There are posters in AA and posters who are using medication to beat The Booze and of course posters who are just trying to cut their drinking down with the support of The Bus and the people around them.

See where we've been so far by following this ---> LINK TO PREVIOUS THREADS HERE

Wow! I go to the gym and come back to posts like these!

Thank you all so much. I always feel a bit odd reading nice things said about me, as if that's why I posted what I did IWSWIM? To get you all to go 'it's okay Mouse', 'we love you Mouse', that sort of thing.

Which you did Babes, thank you but I hope you don't ever think I'm attention seeking, it just helps me to get it all out and I feel that this thread is a safe place for me to do that, amongst friends who understand the lure that alcohol on a stressful day/week/month can have.

Over the last almost 2 years , the Bus has transformed from the very real desperation of a poster in need of support and understanding, to the safe place that this thread is today, where people can come and share their lives with each other, not just their drinking habits.

I love this place, I know that some would call that odd, 'loving' an open forum for parents, but to me, this place, this thread is much more than that.

I have made some fantastic friends here, friends who know what it's like to wake up and believe that you have been eating Deep Fried Dog Vomit because your hang-over has well and truly kicked in!

Plus, AFAIK, we are the only long standing thread with a resident man who pops in from time to time.

So thank you Brave Babes old and new, for making this place what it is xx

IsinDe - thank you. xx

Thank you all for your kind words, they really do mean a lot to me xx

I may be asleep before the steak is even at room temperature..... I'm soooooooooooooooooo tired.

mouse you lovely thing. I well remember when you first joined, you were quaffing vodka like a teenager on a night out. You have done so well to reduce your drinking. You're having a tough time, and to quote a well known mn phrase - 'this too will pass'. It will sweetheart, and then you'll be back drinking less, losing weight and feeling better

Oh and to others who have posted... GUILT, guilt... "There's no problem so awful, that you cant add some guilt to it and make it even worse." Yet I do it so much, I feel guilt for all the things I have done while my dc have been around that might have hurt them, and when dd was ill, I felt enormous guilt that somehow her illness was becuase I didn;t put her together properly when I was pregnant. But not one bit of it helps.

As Aldous Huxley wrote in Brave New World: "Guilt, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.?

isindie I'll help with your systems thinking workshop

And I read a brilliant passage in "Jane Eyre" last week, where Jane says to Mr Rochester something about regret, where you can start to live as you want to today, and the regret is less because you are living a better life today.

But, I leant it to my Dad at the weekend, and so can't quote it verbatim, I expect I've got it wrong, but it did resonate at the time.

I have had a flipping long day working (and it's half term, gah!), but am off to listen to my DC on his radio show now, and have bought some pink fizzo to have with tapas for supper.

Mouse you are NOT guilty of attention seeking, it never reads that way, crikey, if it hadn't been for you.......................................... xxxxx (why is there no Valentine snoggy icon )
xxxx

BOING!!

(punches mouse on the arm in a show of affection! )

bitter sweet day here, dd has got unconditional offer to uni of choice, her bf been offered really good job in the same city, so they will be off and away, although she lives with him now, its only just up the road so i still see her quite a lot, so, im proud as proud can be but for some reason my eyes keep filling up with tears, after all we have been through the last few years we have a wonderful relationship now and i was sort of hoping i could 'keep' her a bit longer, time seems to have slipped through my fingers somehow and i will miss her like nothing else on earth - do you think i have done enough to make sure she knows how much i love her?

take no notice of me, im just being a miserable old moo! i am proud of her though!

venus, hows your dd doing?

thurso, i think you posted that in some kind of telepathic response to my feeling tonight! - no matter what, i always know i will find understanding and wonderful friends here! thank you! L XXX

JWN that is fantastic news about your DD and her man, their life plan is off to a great start. Of course you feel a little bit sad, it is hard to get used to your Dc living far away, look at Thurso and me, we veer from pride to anxiety and back again all the time, but you do get used to it, and it is lovely when they come home as a visitor. The relationship changes, they become more thoughtful, the time you have together is all fun, no need for mundane daily grind and nagging.
She will always love you and now you have given her the freedom to leave you, knowing that you will be OK, not drinking yourself to death, that is a gift of confidence to start her own life, that you have given her.

JWNare you telephathic too?

one of my big "thinks" this week, has been about DC1 telling us that he wants to move in together with GF. To cut a long story short, DC1 in some way conveyed our anxieties to GF, and she had a major meltdown, ending with DC1 ringing me and saying "what do women mean , and tears (from me)".

I texted GF to say that I think she is wonderful, and has made DC1 so happy, so we are delighted about them moving in together (maybe a bit of a fib , but only because it's his first GF, and I suppose if I had met DH at 18 it would have been the same ). I too just hoped that I could keep him for a bit longer.

I have to think to myself that I am so lucky and blessed to have DC who are loved, and are loved in return, manifold, what more could we ask?

I think, and I hope JWN that they do know how much we love them, I do think that DC1 now phones anytime he is confused, or in crisis (other times too occasionally!), and so I am his reliable Mummy.

He says every time he phones I love you Mum (I want him to still call me Mummy!!), and I think it's because he has grown up with people saying it to him.

I miss him and Dc2 more than I can say.
Anyway, you're not alone my dear JWN, oops might have to go off for a bit of a cry

Bproud you sound a bit more sorted than me!!! xxxx

oh this thread is such a safe haven

mouse I have no idea of your history but your very being came out of that post earlier,I am usually the least emotionalperson on the planet,well I don't do gushiness but it had me in desperate need of sending lots of positive thoughts to you.

Today has been tough,not sure if it's because I have made a conscious descision to get my drinking under control or because I have made sure there is no wine/beer in the house to tempt me.I know I had a couple of days of the last 2 weeks but this was probably made easier as I had been throwing up violently with a bug so not having a glass or 3 was easy.

Distraction this afternoon was playing monopoly with dc,ds 6 first time at playing and he wiped the floor with us and kept making maniacal luaghing noises about how much money he had

Am a bit worried about tomorrow as it's mothers birthday and they are travelling 120 miles to come and visit me and we are off out for lunch and dad has said he will be getting a bottle of champers,I and my sister swill be the only ones drinking as dh is not coming due to not being in the country....I will want to drink lots of it as I love the stuff and they will be all if I say no

TBH I could actually rip someones head of for a glass of wine right now it's as someone said earlier today,it's the fuziness it produces in the head that I like,gentle fuzz not drunk just helps to take the day away,I think it's becoming more apparent to me just how dependant on the bloody stuff I have become.

JWN that is fantastic for your dd . Everything is coming together for her, she is happy and confident and of course she loves you. You reminded me of that song in Mama Mia . . . Slipping through my fingers . . . as you say - bittersweet.

I am dreading the day mine leave but at the same time I want them to be independent and to find love and happiness . I do feel for you all who are just releasing your young into the wild, but it's the right thing to do and you should feel proud of yourselves.

They will always need you, always turn to you, always love you x

Quiet well done so far. Keep up the distraction, have a snack. Can you have an excuse ready for not drinking tomorrow? Can you drive? Or say you are on antibiotics, or you have a headache, or you are dieting, or you are really thirsty and would prefer sparkling water.

hi all
mouse you are a right silly tart, aren't you?
well, had a totally shit day at work so am drinking tonight. looks like I have identified a trigger..DH bought me red roses for Valentines Day guess he wants sex.
indie oooh let me help with they systems thinking. i am really interested in it. Is it Seddon's stuff you deliver?
thurso try and be glad that Ds is happy with his GF. I have DD1 still at home and am sick of the sight of her. She seems to have no desire to do anything with her life. Just lives in her bedroom.She is 21 FFS. DD2 will be home from Spain in April, then having a uni audition, then going interrailing for a month...why can't DD1 be a bit more proactive?

Ma I have the same trigger. Stressful day at work or very tiring day at work and I will pounce on the wine the minute I walk through the door. Being on the diet has helped me there too. I always have a coffee straight away now, as soon as I get in, then another one. I know it's not too good to have a lot of caffeine but, hey, get rid of them in the order that they are killing you, right MIFLAW?

Will you stop ma and do the drill? Drink of water, brush your teeth, jammies on, etc. You've still got time to lose a couple of pounds before Friday x

hey faire yes, stopped now.can really feel it after a couple of days off, hope I don't feel too crap tomorrow. If I haven't lost anything by friday I will be very upset. I have been trying really hard. worried now that tonight's lapse will cause a landslide back to square one.

Thanks Fairenuff where you are is exactly where i want to be, and its very encouraging to hear that its possible. I was drinking 2 or 3 glasses a night, and could easily have a bottle to myself of a fri or sat night. I've had to face up to the fact that it has become a habit and habits are hard to break. Tonight is my second night not drinking. I am going to do what you did and go from 2, to 3, then 4 etc nights off a week, and hopefully will get to the point where I can go off it totally for a couple of weeks when i want to.

QuietohsoQuiet i know exactly what you mean about the nice fuzziness. I found it hard to sleep last night as i didnt feel totally relaxed and my mind was still in alert mode, i have become so used to using wine as a sedative.

It doesnt help that i also love the taste of the stuff!

Good luck tomorrow, dont be too hard on yourself, allowing yourself a glass or two of champagne on an occasion like that isnt a bad thing if you are cutting back on the "normal" days.

Only if you let it ma. I used to do the "I've blown it now" diet all the time. One little slip and that was me done for the week. Full of good intentions to start again next Monday .

Now I do damage limitation. If I go over calories one day I try and go under just a little for the next three days. It usually works. If not, just keep chipping away. The hardest weeks are the ones where you try so hard and still don't lose. That's where I recommend a graph. So even when you gain a little, you still see a downward trend over time.

How's the running going? That will help more than anything if you can stick to it. Do you think if you had another bad day at work, you would be able to 'run it off' rather than drink next time? Just a thought . . .

Right, off to watch Biggest Loser to keep me motivated . Hose has made me a pot of peppermint tea. Lush .

Ooh, have just read back , and realise I hear the sound of "helicopter mother blades!", I'm not like that, truly .

Ma I have been a real wonder on the diet today, but feel that tapas tonight hasn't helped my cause!. Yep, Dh bought me roses and perfume (sigh). I wish he would just talk to me!
xxxx

Hi babes,

Quick check in before I read back on what I have missed.

Hope everyone is fine and dandy this evening.

still not drinking! :)

I'm really sorry to read how you are feeling so low Mouse. I don't know much about your history etc but I am sending you positive thoughts.

As Quiet and Posh said, this is such a lovely thread and I feel so pleased to be here.

I have been feeling very similar to you Posh tonight. I think we are in a very similar place. I like the fuzzy feeling and really wanted a drink tonight. I know tomorrow will be worse still. I am taking one day at a time but it is so difficult. I didn't realise I was so dependant on the wine until now.

I casually asked a friend a couple of weeks ago if they enjoy a glass of wine in the evening and they seemed quite horrified when I said I have a glass at around 4 every afternoon after the school run. I feel quite for admitting it now because when I really think about it that is bad but I have been doing it for a long time.

I think that time of day will be my trigger point and I am going to have to find distractions. Any ideas welcome I like the idea of coffee and the "get rid of the things in the order they will kill you" reasoning!

Sorry for the long post. Just my thoughts at the moment. I have become obcessed in my mind with the thought of no drink. I will maybe become more interesting when this wears of. Any idea how long..........

well, i have got a grip on myself! - had a good blub and feel a lot better! thanks for your thoughts thurso and bproud, i think your ds sounds a lovely fella thurso, i bet his gfs family are chuffed she has found him! as a mother of a dd, i can tell you it is a huge relief when they bring home the sort of lad you know is going to be kind and caring and will treat her with respect and love! -

Ma - perhaps dd1 is just a homebody? i think it can be really daunting for some kids to fly the nest, she maybe needs more time to build enough confidence?

i have blown any thought of weight loss tonight while sniffling over a huge box of thorntons, quite cross with myself tbh, my skin is suffering twofold atm, a mixture of winter and menopause, well thank you very much god!, first your dcs leave home and make you cry, then you get all dry and spotty - terrific! ]grin] am going to a 'well woman' clinic tomorrow, i need a total overhaul, feeling very old and saggy, bit like an old sofa need a bit re stuffing! (im making light of it, but i really do feel old and a bit grim atm, so, me being me, action is whats needed, not moping!) bought a load of vitamins for old gals, a new night cream and new plunge bra, gotta help!

Just wanted to send my kindest thoughts to you Mouse. I haven't been here long enough to know all the details, suffice to say, it sounds tough, I am just so glad that you, clever woman, started this incredible thread, sheer brilliance and that bravery has shown that we all need comfort for that inner child. Someone to just listen.

JWN I know the feeling. DS went off nearly two years ago, soppy me each time I heard ABBA, Slipping Through my Fingers, I roared. It is the most bittersweet feeling ever.

Quiet best of luck with the refusal of champers if you can, Faire had a good line in excuses there, maybe early days to say that I just don't feel like a drink today.

Hope everyone has had a good day. I have eaten far too much chocolate

rain - the obessive thinking about drinking does lessen, you do have to give it time though! - keep doing what you are doing, worry about tomorrow tomorrow, there is nothing you can do about a day that hasnt even arrived yet! and dont talk yourself into feeling bad, why should tomorrow be any worse than today? it only will be if you let it!