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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is SGB around?

225 replies

spiderslegs · 26/01/2012 00:29

Open relationships - tell me more.

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 03/02/2012 10:42

Yes, Amelia, we get that your life is fine and good for you! But that doesn't mean that everyone else would be happy if they just did what you do. And there are people who don't question the propaganda and therefore end up miserable.

ameliagrey · 03/02/2012 11:26

I think you are getting off topic- there is a Feminism forum.

As for domestic violence- it's not solely women who are killed or beaten.

SGB likewise to you! You are obviously very happy with what you do, but there are plenty of women who would not be happy living your life.

Why can't you just leave them alone instead of always thinking You. Know .What. Is. Right. For everyone else?

spiderslegs · 03/02/2012 18:59

Sorry for my absence, Ike frightened me off for a day, I didn't read your last post Ike, I presume it was unpleasant, whatever it was, I'm glad I didn't see it, but thanks to all for your support.

The other reason I haven't been back is because I've been talking & talking with my husband, & more than anything, I am so glad I've been honest with him, it's taken him a few days to digest but after the initial shock he's put a lot of thought into what I've said & we're talking.

& we understand each-other more, & do you know what? Whatever the political ins & outs & arguments, we're communicating better & both feel closer than we have for a long time.

I do think SGB & others speak a lot of sense though - it's the politics of the self really - I didn't expect quite so much animosity & resistance when I started this thread, I may have been naive, as was said, but am quite shocked that people are quite so resistant to an ideal outside their own. As SGB said, it may be as homosexuality was viewed 50 years ago - beyond the pale.

All I know is, I started the discussion here & with my husband & I feel so much lighter, more real, it may never come to anything, but I've said the words. & no-one died.

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 03/02/2012 19:22

Amelia: well, because smug mundanes are good target practice TBH. And what I'm really after is encouraging those who are questioning their own situations to question some more, and not be put off exploring their options by the shrieks of horror from the frankly ignorant.

(Oh and, for the umpteenth time, it's not being monogamous that makes you a mundane, it's the conviction that being monogamous makes you better than anyone who isn't that way inclined, particularly if you try to back that up with ridiculous assertions about it being natural to engage in nuclear-family heteromonogamy).

spiderslegs · 03/02/2012 19:35

& Amelia I asked the question, SGB was answering - she hasn't piled into an otherwise irrelevant thread with her POV - I asked, she answered & I thank her for that.

OP posts:
spiderslegs · 03/02/2012 19:38

And given much of what has been said on this thread, I'm completely behind SGB, she's never said your way of life is wrong, you seem to be quite happy to denigrate hers though.

OP posts:
ameliagrey · 03/02/2012 20:01

Tell me Spider- why have you latched on to my latest posts, despite many others condemning you- in a way I never have?

If you can find any evidence in my posts that a single life is wrong, go ahead and post those snippets.

What have you decided to do, anyway?

spiderslegs · 03/02/2012 20:08

Amelia simply because they are 'the latest' & no other reason - you seem to have engaged in a moralistic argument with SGB though, I'm not really interested in posts that condemn me - I'm choosing not to engage with them - if I wanted condemnation I could have a quick chat with my mother.

OP posts:
spiderslegs · 03/02/2012 20:13

I have decided to keep on talking to my husband, as I always did.

OP posts:
spiderslegs · 03/02/2012 20:30

Oh & Ike - you frightened me off for a minute - you scared the shit out of me - I took my profile photos down, do you know what though? They're back up - as you will - carry on.

OP posts:
ameliagrey · 03/02/2012 20:41

LOL! Engaged in a moralistic argument?
Well, thinking of changing your marriage vows to an open relationship is a pretty moral topic don't you think?

In so much as you asked SGB for her opinion, on an open forum,then it's pretty obvious that other people are going to join in if they have different views.

If you had wanted only her opinion then it's quite easy to PM her.

Panfriedstardust · 03/02/2012 21:21

Well, it's up to the OP, and her dh what she does,

but sgb it's pretty disingenuous and if I may say dishonest to claim you are entirely objective about other people's choices and options in how to live. Your posts are peppered with a strong dose of "smugness" about how 'liberated' your choices are compared with others, and choose to deny other people's values and experiences if they don't chime with yours. If 'open relationships' are indeed based in 'honesty' ( which I doubt, ime in lazy thinking - three couples over the years I know and they have been disasters with heartbreaks all round) then your presentation doesn't reflect well on this 'honesty' basis, I'm afraid.

I really don't care what couples get up to in their intimacies, but your notions are so modest in ambition for people who you 'post to'., imho.

ike1 · 03/02/2012 21:30

Thought you were into honesty spiderslegs. See that's thing really honest people can take stuff on the chin see both sides you feign being 'frightened'. Your selfishness won out tho I see.

Panfriedstardust · 03/02/2012 21:35

ike - whether spiderslegs has her photos up or not is immaterial. (and yes I can see why she took them down as a result of stuff being said). The debate is wider, as I see it, re open relationships being okay for some people. Which of course they are.

ike1 · 03/02/2012 21:38

Its the truth if you put alot of info on an internet forum you should be a bit careful-especially with pics on your profile of your kids and husband they are not the ones at the keyboard you should think about them and their privacy. You are being flippant with this 'may the devil take me' attitude OP.

Dont be ridiculous SGB she has put so much info on MN I am merely stating the bleedin obvious-boys in blue - what a joke you are!!

ike1 · 03/02/2012 21:40

Panfried while appreciate what you are saying about the overall debate being wider, the OP was reveling at the beginning of the thread in her 'honesty' the fact that she could be identified and to hell with it! Crikey we knew about her wish to have an open relationship before her hubby!

Panfriedstardust · 03/02/2012 21:41

ike - it's her decision - not your role to judge or advise her re pics.

Panfriedstardust · 03/02/2012 21:43

well, OP says that dh is aware of this thread so it shouldn't be news just in.

ike1 · 03/02/2012 21:46

its an open forum Panfried, that's the point we can have give our opinion-yes she says he is aware after I put the question to her many times...personally I doubt it.

ike1 · 03/02/2012 21:48

...and yes I can have my doubts and voice them, thats thing you post stuff on a forum and people can be 'honest' with their responses-they just might not be the ones you wanted.

ElusiveCamel · 03/02/2012 21:51

Jesus wept, Ike, you're like a dog with a bone. You made your point the first fifty times you said it. Serious question: what are you hoping that Spider is going to do in response to the same point you keep making over and over again?

ike1 · 03/02/2012 21:57

Well take care of the privacy of her family-to my mind that is the most important thing.
Crikey-go to bloody relate and get some decent counselling if you want to talk about open relationships. Have a bit of respect for your family.

BOF suggested the OP take the photos down and she's been around MN for a while. It's no point pretending to be frightened when really all thats happened is a bit of banter to make the OP think about others instead of herself.

ike1 · 03/02/2012 22:00

There's been plenty of repetition on this thread anyhoo..OP'll do what she wants, let's hope the other half wants it too...

Panfriedstardust · 03/02/2012 22:06

ike - you're getting a bit boring with your assailing of the OP's decisions re privacy which is none of your concern.

ike1 · 03/02/2012 22:09

Well i am not frightened of being 'boring' lol and its my right to be 'boring' on a forum if i wish...