Thanks for all the responses, plenty to think about, DH & I spoke more, much more on Sunday morning, he was more thoughtful & if not exactly receptive & welcoming about what I had to say, listened & spoke to me & said he had to think about it as it was a lot for him to take on board. Which it is really.
& then we had the best sex we've had for a long time, which was great.
& I don't think anything I actually told him was that revelatory, he knows me well enough to probably have been thinking much of what I said anyway. So we will see.
Oh & when I said he reads every thread I ever write anyway, I didn't mean he hounds me across the boards searching, I just tend to leave things open on the shared PC & he reads them if they're up - I've nothing to hide & would probably do the same if he did (in fact I do read his threads on his beer & programming forums when I'm having trouble sleeping...). Told him about this thread & invited him to read it if he felt the need.
As for my history, fairly standard few mid-length relationships through my 20's, married once before at 26 for five years, no children, older husband - disastrous. Distinct lack of fidelity in all of them. Have thus far been completely & chastely faithful to DH, & will continue to do so if that's the way it's got to be.
(Oh & one more thing before I end this inordinately long post, I am outed in RL under this name - if any of you are reading, don't worry, I'm not about to shag anyone's husband & please, please, try not to keel over from a prurience induced heart attack).