AIBU..to be so upset over comment by DH?

[cathyearnshaw]

SO we have a big family wedding in a couple of months. I will be about 6 months pregnant - I've put on alot of weight - I mean alot about 2 stone - in the first trimester what with appetite going haywire. Huge boobs. Feel really fat and unattractive. Money is tight so I'm doing the best I can to get an outfit together out of the housekeeping.

My dress arrived from ebay; I tried it on - I was really pleased, it's very flattering. DH gets home from work that eve. Me - "My dress arrived - would you like to see it?" DH - "No"

So a week or so later I decided to try the outfit on - walk into the room, DD gasps, "mummy you look beautiful".

Dh has to be prompted to even notice dress by DD (despite huge floral headgear thing) His comments include

• why do you need a pashmina?

-what;s that on your head ? (it's actually only a flower hairclip, nothing OTT)

• well there's not much you can do with a maternity dress is there?

-I suppose you might lose some weight before then.

• your fat is overhanging your bra at the back (it's not - I checked in the mirror)

All with a face on looking at me like I was a piece of shit.

I'm now ridiculously upset - I know I've put on weight, I know my breasts are out of control.

It's actually what I've come to expect from him - I got a new jumper for Xmas and wasn't sure whether to exchange it or not and is response was "well it's better than all the other shit you've got in your wardrobe." I'm not a frumpy dresser either.

So is it - as he claims - honest of him to tell me how it is and how I look? Although I really thought I looked not bad considering...

Erm, he sounds horrible. Is there something going on at work or with family that's causing him to behave so awfully to you or is he normally like this?

I would try to lose some weight before the wedding, afterall you want people to think well of you.

I think about 11 stone should do it.

You could lose the most weight by getting rid of him, to be honest.

He sounds absolutely vile. Was he like that before you got pregnant?

I presume he looks like Brad Pitt??

You're pregnant, fgs, of course you've put on weight! Even if you hadn't, he's your DH, he's meant to be on your team and make you feel better about yourself, not worse.

What a rude man. He sounds horrible.

He's not very nice to you, is he?
Very sad that this is what you've "come to expect from him."

Well, you could wear a bed sheet with a hole for you head and sail into that room looking beautiful. Pregnant women glow, even if they themselves feel cumbersome.

And, this Paragon of Virtue you are married to ..... an Adonis is he? Because I'd be making a few comments about the size of his hooter/bald spot/paunch/knock knees.

How horrible. Hope he's being uncharacteristically vile

oh that has made me so upset! it is so unreasonable of him - awful insensitive - im sorry

Wow..................I'm sorry that is horrible. You are pregnant.

I never say this normally but what a bastard.

Is there something else going on with him that has turned him into a total fuckhead or is he normally like this?

I am sure you look, as your DD said, absolutley beautiful.

Theres honesty, and theres being downright rude and nasty. My dh is honest - things like 'no, I don't think that dress is right, maybe something with a v neck', or 'might need a different bra'. Yours just sounds like he's being an arse tbh

start commenting on how this pregnancy is really having a negative affect on his weight/personality/looks/moods.

Is he normally that blunt? Some people just don't have the vocabulary or social skills.

Sounds like he's spoiling for a fight

How sad that your DH won't make an effort to bolster your confidence at a time when women often feel insecure. I'm pretty sure you would be a good (possibly even overly critical) judge of how you look, so it sounds like he is being unecessarily cruel for the sake of it. Was he like this with you first time round? Has he always been prone to nasty comments or is this a recent change?

FWIW I bet you looked lovely, I often think women are at their most gorgeous during pregnancy!

Ditch the flower clip they look terrible.

If you feel comfortable that is all that matters, some men just don't find pregnancy attractive. I bet you looked great.

Vile.

If nothing changes, your dd will also "come to expect" it from her partners.

What a shit.

He sounds utterly disgusting. Sorry you're burdened with such a wank rag

He sounds like a right fucking arsehole. Sorry, but he does. Why on earth are you with someone who treats you so awful? You would be so much better alone, honestly. You're pregnant FFS, you're supposed to have loads of weight on you. Bloody hell if my DH ever said anything like all those things your DH said to you, he's be getting a slap in the face and a boot up the arse as I kicked him out.

Don't let him treat you like this. You're worth so much more. Listen to your DD when she says you look beautiful (she sounds lovely), we all know kids say what they see. Tell the twat when he gets himself a face and body like Ryan Reynolds, then and only then is he allowed to comment on you. Bloody prick should take a look in the mirror and take a long hard look at himself and see how he's treating his heavily pregnant wife.

I had one like that...
He's now single

What a total tosser.

What Chipping said.

I think you should talk to him about how you feel firstly then secondly go though eBay with him and see if he can spot something he would like to see you in. Tell him to be realisitic, he can't expect you to buy a fitted dress for example.

You both need to compromise and be honest with each other. Xx

OFGS Fabby - do you not think there was anything odd/out of order about the way the OP's husband spoke to her, regardless of his feeling about the way she looked.

OP - how you look is irrelevant here, he is a mean bastard.

You might lose a bit of weight? While pregnant?

He hasn't really got the hang of how it all works, growing a human, has he?

Fucking wanker.