AIBU..to be so upset over comment by DH?

[cathyearnshaw]

SO we have a big family wedding in a couple of months. I will be about 6 months pregnant - I've put on alot of weight - I mean alot about 2 stone - in the first trimester what with appetite going haywire. Huge boobs. Feel really fat and unattractive. Money is tight so I'm doing the best I can to get an outfit together out of the housekeeping.

My dress arrived from ebay; I tried it on - I was really pleased, it's very flattering. DH gets home from work that eve. Me - "My dress arrived - would you like to see it?" DH - "No"

So a week or so later I decided to try the outfit on - walk into the room, DD gasps, "mummy you look beautiful".

Dh has to be prompted to even notice dress by DD (despite huge floral headgear thing) His comments include

• why do you need a pashmina?

-what;s that on your head ? (it's actually only a flower hairclip, nothing OTT)

• well there's not much you can do with a maternity dress is there?

-I suppose you might lose some weight before then.

• your fat is overhanging your bra at the back (it's not - I checked in the mirror)

All with a face on looking at me like I was a piece of shit.

I'm now ridiculously upset - I know I've put on weight, I know my breasts are out of control.

It's actually what I've come to expect from him - I got a new jumper for Xmas and wasn't sure whether to exchange it or not and is response was "well it's better than all the other shit you've got in your wardrobe." I'm not a frumpy dresser either.

So is it - as he claims - honest of him to tell me how it is and how I look? Although I really thought I looked not bad considering...

I am really shocked he actually told you to fuck off. Please don't think his behaviour is normal or acceptable because it absolutely isn't. Xx

:( for you.

"A clue in the respect thing is would you want him talking to your daughter like that? Or her growing up thinking that is acceptable for a man to treat someone with so little respect."

Very important questions to ask yourself OP

OP you don't deserve to feel like this. DP and I squabble, and he is a 'normal bloke' and says tactless things, but when I get dressed up he always says something nice, and when I say I feel fat, he always says, 'Noooo' in this funny voice that makes me smile.

That is what a loving relationship is like

Please don't put up with this. You are making another person, it's like having a superpower, and it honestly makes me feel a bit sick that he is taking this special time and using it to hurt you.

The first thing I thought when I read the op was how upset dd would be to hear dh talking to me like that!
Get out op. You would be better off going it alone than living with a 'd'h like that. And I'm sure there are plenty of men out there who wouldn't consider 'out of control' boobs to be a problem in the slightest!

We have moved this thread to relationships now.

Best wishes

MNHQ

What a grade A total bastard he is.

I think all pregnant women look beautiful.

Op this really is not a normal, healthy way to conduct a marriage.

What a first class knobhead.

All pregnant ladies look fabulous, they glow.
He is treating you like shit and he knows it.

That's a vile way to speak to anyone let alone your partner, pregnant or not.
What an arsehole he must be, not to mention of course, bloody utterly perfect!

Speechless.

The only men who don't find their pregnant partners attractive and sexy are arseholes with unhealthy issues the size of planets.
If Fabby's ex was one of "those" men, it's because he was a nasty piece of work with a porn habit .

He sounds utterly vile, trying to belittle you and make you feel like shit when you know you look nice , is the action of an emotionally abusive man.

If dh didn't find me attractive when pg I would expect him to have the decency to make some attempt at keeping it to himself!

Yes, I know DH found my bump a bit weird when I was pg with DS1, especially during sex, but he hid it really well. And whatever I wore he said I looked beautiful and amazing.

Many men find their partners MORE sexy/attractive when they are pregnant and at the very least they should be at their most loving when their partners are creating a new life.

OP you can have the baby , lose the weight and look amazing - but he will still be a dick I'm afraid.

Not that I mean you don't look amazing pregnant btw!!

Sex? We don't do that anymore - 6 years of infertility and having to shag on demand and constantly, killed that off. Pregnancy is from IVF.

cathy, it doesn't sounds like this is much of a relationship tbh...

Glad to see you got this moved into Relationships, Cathy. You don't have to make any decisions quickly. For me it's not about whether he finds pregnancy weird or the bump unsexy, it's the way he speaks to you and looks at you. You have a DD already so this is very important. She will learn what to accept from you.

Yes I had one like this, he used to say "stop trying to force a fucking compliment out of me" if I asked him if I looked nice. Also "I am not going to praise you as it will make you arrogant". Yes he was a real catch.

He also cheated on me when I was 9 months pregnant so he obviously didnt find pregnant women attractive either.

He sounds like an absolute twunt .

Oh Cathy reading this thread has made me so sad. I'm heavily pregnant at the moment and my DH would never, in a million years, have said any of those things or treated me that way.

You don't deserve to be scorned and belittled in this way. He should be cherishing you and supporting you.

It sounds as though you are in a terribly difficult situation and whatever you decide to do I hope you can take from this thread the message that it is NOT OKAY for him to treat you like this. It is not normal, it is not "constructive criticism" or him being a "typical man". It is him being a cruel, controlling arsehole whilst you are in a particularly vulnerable state.

You don't need that kind of shit in your life, or on your DD's life.

"WHen I started crying he told me to fuck off and walked out the room" There. Right there, he's showing you exactly what he thinks of your feelings. The cruel bastard.