To anyone who left a partner because of domestic violence, or it hoping to take that step...

[MmeLindor.]

Please read this moving article by Patrick Stewart and know that you have done so much to protect your children and that no matter how hard it was/is on them right now, they will always always love you for getting out.

Warning, it may well make you cry.

Thanks Laz,ex never reinstated contact after his arrest for abusive voicemails in July .So no contact since then.Has been given the opportunity via sols letters but never replied .He has chosen to opt out .

Oooh no Patience we don't waste our time or emotions feeling ashamed, not as survivors, we have nothing to feel ashamed of whatsoever. To feel ashamed now is self punishment and we don't do that, we had enough punishment when we lived with our abusive pricks ex's. What you should be feeling right now is utter relief that you are out and also a little bit of smug satisfaction that your were right all along, it wasn't your fault, it wasn't anything you did, it was him, as he is proving right now with his more recent victim partner.

I know what you mean though, with me it's anger, I can't think of the relationship at all without feeling angry at myself for even getting involved with him never mind putting up with everything he put me through but I was naive, I didn't know any better, my self esteem was on the floor so in the same thought I can forgive myself. I see it as a learning curve now, I love the person I have become, I love my life and I am happier and more content than I have ever been in my life and feel if I hadn't have been through all that I went through I wouldn't be the person I am today so although it was a bloody hard lesson it was worth it Meanwhile, he is as miserable as sin, as ugly as ever and resents me even more than he did because I am happy. Result!

is utter relief that you are out and also a little bit of smug satisfaction that your were right all along, it wasn't your fault, it wasn't anything you did, it was him, as he is proving right now with his more recent victim partner.

Ha ha ha love it ...yes i did feel a little smug all day
You are right it validates the whole bloody thing .
Guess what doesnt sit right in the dv and GF but hey .....none of my business.

She knew the facts,she got involved with a married man x2 her age ,
she has accepted to stay in arelationship with a man that has x2 domestic abuse arrests in 6mths .She is a grown up.

Last paragraph Time i could have written word for word ,but i am past the anger and just left with dissapointment for that relationship and the breakdown of the kids relationship with their D but at the end of the day i dont have to see him at the moment and that suits me fine .If he wants a relationship with his kids then he can contact my Sol.

I was in a very vulnerable place when i met X but these last few yrs have been the making of me .I have lost my marriage ,my house and my job but I am the most at peace with myself i have ever been.I think today I just had a flashback of my old self and i felt sad ,but that was the old me nearly 20 yrs ago.I celebrate my life everyday now and the gift i gave to my kids.
Thanks for the chat Time ,glad i wrote it all out xxxx

you got it!

Yep, she knew the facts but she probably thinks she is The One, she will be able to change him, and she will learn the hard way that he isn't for changing but yes, none of your business fortunately!

My ex is slowly but surely ruining his relationship with DD too, I can imagine that it won't be too long before contact wanes but, rather than feel disappointed I am pleased, I'm pleased that she will be free of a toxic man (and his mother) and will grow up not having to experience any of his (or his mothers) crap. I feel sad for DD but I will more than make up for what she misses out on in not having him around. Patience, our children are going to grow into fantastic adults who can recognise the difference between healthy and toxic relationships, they are not going to have bad memories of their childhoods coming back to haunt them, that makes it all worthwhile.

I can relate to what you write Patience, I lost everything too, I have very little money, no job and live in a little council house but you know, I am so happy, I don't even buy lottery tickets because there is nothing about my life I would change. I treasure every single day and every single moment I spend with DD, being her mum is an absolute pleasure, she brings me so much joy and every time I see her beautiful smiling face or hear her laugh my heart swells with happiness, I have never been so pleased to have done anything as I am to have left The Ex. Life is full of colour again

You are welcome re the chat, any time xxx

I guess today just unleashed a lot of emotions for me ,Time.
I have the freedom that many 40 yo women can only dream of .I relish that .
I will make my money ,it might take a few years, but i have self esteem and self confidence,i make better choices now in my life .Me and my kids have a bright future ahead ,big hugs

Lovely post Patience

I think it's natural that certain events will unleash your emotions, I had a few days like that last week, triggered by this thread actually but I do find that each time something like this happens it doesn't hit me quite as hard. That makes me happy too because it shows I am still moving forward, that I am over the worst and one day perhaps it won't affect me at all.

And oh yes to the freedom! When I was living with The Ex I used to be so envious of single women with their own homes and now I'm one of them! and I'm not trading that for anything! No man is ever going to be parking his slippers under my bed!

Your future will be whatever you make it Patience and having read your posts in other threads I am sure you are going to make it a good one Big hugs to you too x