Is Lack of sex ever a vaild reason to end relationship?

[balotelli]

Dw and I have been married for 10+ yrs. 1 DC (3).
Her libido has basically died. It was never rampant but now is down to 3 x a year and then when we do dtd I feel that its out of duty not pleasure.
We have a brilliant relationship in every other way, no money worries, make each other laugh lots, have nice house, holidays etc etc But the big old elephant sits in the corner and wont budge.
I know I cantface the rest of my life having making love 3x a year or less. The frustration and feelings of rejection are driving me mental and making depressed.
Dw wont talk about it as she says 'its the way she is and there is nothing that can be done about it'.
Just wanted your insightful thoughts, input and advice before I make a rash descision I may regret for ever.
Thank you for reading.

Ah thanks chuck, my first ever MN flowers

Damsel nobody said op was so totally right, I think a fair grilling was given. It's always hard on a forum when only one side gets a say but I think on balance here, the onus is more on the missus.
Put it this way, if I was in her position, I wouldn't be able to just brush it under the carpet, I'd feel badly about just forcing my deal on someone without acknowledging the elephant in the room... wouldn't you?

Y'know quite a few men have posted about this sort of stuff and it would be good to hear how it all worked out for them...

i'd be depressed if i had a husband who deliberately came on a website he knows i'm a regular on to post about my sex drive in the hopes i'd see it and feel terrible because my peers agreed with him.

Pocpoc, exactly.

do you think she could be depressed? you say you are happy in other areas of your relationship so it might be a shame to end it for that reason alone. i think relationship counselling and individual counselling might be good for you both. sometimes if you havent 'done it' for ages it can be a bit awkward getting things going again and it's easy to put it off. i think focusing on just cuddles and being romantic, having dates together is a really important first step that could eventually lead to a more active sex life.

The problem with an OP choosing to come from advice about ending his marriage to a site that he knows his wife uses is that it's incredibly passive aggressive. MN is not the only place to go for relationship advice.

The message the poor woman would get from this thread is that she should put out regardless how she feels about it. And, she can't just lie back and think of when it'll all be over England, she needs to enjoy it.

it shows a complete disregard for boundaries and space imo. of all the places on the internet would you chose one that your partner uses to talk about your partner?

the OP is hoping she sees this. it is pa and emotional blackmail.

I agree that he's entitled to get help and support. Sometimes it's not possible to find people in RL to talk to, especially for men.

However, it's is still a cut and dried case of her problem. Not a problem within a relationship to which both partners are contributing equally, but something that is wrong with her.

"and if she does have a problem then she ought to be trying to do something about it". Yes, that's right. Get herself fixed because after all she is broken .

Of course dialogue helps but not if it consists of one partner telling the other one to 'do something about it'.

There may well be a compromise but it will be a compromise for both partners - OP isn't likely to find himself married to a sex kitten all of a sudden.

Honestly it does sound like she might be asexual. Have you (or she) ever come across Aven? Whether she is or not I think you might find some helpful info on there.

TBH was debating whether to post or not as am also quite about posting here about your DW when you know she does, however good the intention. But decided that since nobody else has posted this link I wanted to, it might well be helpful for you both.

Something wrong with her?? Damsel are you for real?

Damsel was being ironic I think.

Yeah. Sorry the sarcasm didn't come across.

Oh Sorry!

It is a valid enough reason, the relationship you have is friendship not love.

A relationship needs passion, kisses, cuddles and sex to survive.

I'd not be in one without it.

I am quite cross about the painting of it as singularly her problem, rather than an issue of mismatched libidos and stifled communication. The number of references to 'her problem' I've seen is astounding.

'the OP is hoping she sees this. it is pa and emotional blackmail'

Quite often you'll come across a thread when the OP talks about a problem, whether serious or lighthearted, and the response will be 'I might show this to DH/DW' or 'Show your DH/DW this thread'.

How is it different? Are they emotional blackmailers too?

Well it sort of is her problem if she's not willing to even discuss it.

It's different if an OP chooses to show their partner (who does not use MN) a thread because s/he would not come across it otherwise. Purposefully seeking out a forum that you know your partner uses and posting a thread about her in the hope that she might see it is passive aggressive. Even if she doesn't see the thread and he chooses to show her it, choosing a forum he knows she uses is a bit of a dodgy power game.

it is different because the OPs partner is a mn regular and he has deliberately come on here to post about her when he could have picked any forum anywhere. he has used somewhere that he knows to be a space she uses and socialises on to talk about their sex problems and marriage.

you really wouldn't find it strange if your partner chose to deal with your marriage problems by plastering them on mn knowing that you are a member here?

You've only had the OP's version of her not discussing it. The reality could be that she has tried to explain her own position but the OP doesn't count that as discussion because it doesn't resolve the issue as he sees it.

Isn't he allowed to use MN then? I would resort to passive aggression if I had explored all the other options. He doesn't want the relationship to end, but the situation is becoming intolerable to him. He sounds reasonable.

We are a partnership so any problem she has, I have and we should, can and hopefully will work through this together.

It does seem that what ever I do some people will not like it. If I try to please my dw in bed i'm putting pressure on her to enjoy and therefore wrong but if I dont then I'm a selfish twunt. If I dont do anything to try and save my relationship, its because I dont care but if I do ask for advice on the best place I know then i'm PA and emotionally blackmailing dw.
Ho Hum

'you really wouldn't find it strange if your partner chose to deal with your marriage problems by plastering them on mn knowing that you are a member here?'

Yes, I would find it strange. However, he wouldn't need to as he would be able to discuss our issues without me clamming up and saying 'tough, it's the way it is'.