Is Lack of sex ever a vaild reason to end relationship?

[balotelli]

Dw and I have been married for 10+ yrs. 1 DC (3).
Her libido has basically died. It was never rampant but now is down to 3 x a year and then when we do dtd I feel that its out of duty not pleasure.
We have a brilliant relationship in every other way, no money worries, make each other laugh lots, have nice house, holidays etc etc But the big old elephant sits in the corner and wont budge.
I know I cantface the rest of my life having making love 3x a year or less. The frustration and feelings of rejection are driving me mental and making depressed.
Dw wont talk about it as she says 'its the way she is and there is nothing that can be done about it'.
Just wanted your insightful thoughts, input and advice before I make a rash descision I may regret for ever.
Thank you for reading.

Nanny my DH has disabilities but he wouldnt have sex cuddles or any intimacy with me at all for TEN YEARS before the disability so of course NOW he cant but there are other things he could have done other than penetration but just didnt want to.
Well its been 16 fuckin years so now i dont want to either. Not with him.
Was i supposed to keep the flame burning for 16 years then in the vain hope that there would be some glimmer of affection.
He also hasnt brushed his teeth for years and they have all fallen out.
I had been plucking up the courage for years to tell him to do something about it because his breath could seriously fuckin kill sheep,its that bad.
I bought him some mouthwash after asking him to try some but he said he couldnt use it as it had alcohol in it (fair enough cos of his meds)
So he bought another one tried it and then had a MASSIVE shortness of breath/coughing fit so ive had to tell him that i dont expect him to use it again.
Its not always just black and white Nanny.
Sorry for the emotion in my rant. Its my time of the month which doesnt help.

What's DTD?

Doing the deed.

Carer please jut tell him to brush his teeth as his breath smells. That's an ok thing to ask a person, it does not make you unkind

My heart goes out to you carer

Thanks Geordie. Most of the time i can deal with things ok its just that today im emotional and weepy about it. I can coast along for a while and then just get really down at times.
Doesnt help when i see love scenes on tv where the bloke just tenderly touches the womans face. Doesnt have to be a full blown sex scene to get me upset.
Then you see actors doing interviews on tv about going away to do filming and stuff and talking about how they are going to miss their wives and sometimes all these things can build up to remind you of what you"re missing.
I sound so fuckin self indulgent. There are people who are worse off than me though.

It is totally different if someone has a disabilty/illness. Even then it would have to be pretty damn serious not to be able to have kind of sexual contact. And in the case of illness that wouldn't necessarily mean forever, just while the illness was treated.

The OP's wife is fit and young and IMO is doing this because either he is allowing it, or despite what he is saying he is not making him self crystal clear.

Agree on the periods issue. Unless a woman is having massive heavy or really painful periods it doesn't have to be a no go zone. There are other things that you can do other than actual sex!

And carer, your story is really distressing. I'm so sad for you.

Carer, could you not just throw in the towel and start rebuilding your self esteem and your life?

i'm sorry carer. i'd hate to think of you sacrificing the rest of your life and happiness - sounds like this relationship has eaten enough of that already.

OP - honestly the psychoanalyst in me is just saying that she married her daddy who ran off with a younger woman. she's got the older man and secured him but it was never about sex and unlikely she was ever really physically attracted to you. she got her daddy back.

she finds sex icky because she's shagging her dad.

sorry - blunt but just saying what was going off in my head as i read it.

Orm: I'm glad I made you feel better. You are most definitely not 'wrong' or 'bad'. I've been thinking a bit about this and I think it's very worrying that the so-called sexual liberation of women has become so oppressive that women feel they must enjoy and desire sex or there is something wrong with them.

I'm actually quite saddened by how demonised this poor woman has become on here (particularly given that she is an MNer whose husband has decided to come here to complain about her and get advice that he should leave her because she 'led him on' by having sex with him in the beginning). Of course, the OP's story doesn't tell you anything about how she might actually be feeling. It's his point of view not hers. Just because he defines the problem as lying entirely with his wife doesn't make that an objective account of the problem.

and no a woman who has never masturbated and has never enjoyed sex does not orgasm. and having sex once a month at the beginning of a relationship is a sure clear sign that you'll be having it next to never within a few years. it's not like she has disguised the fact that she doesn't want to have sex with you if it even started out on that footing.

leave her or don't leave her but don't have an affair - that's not fair on anyone and you don't need your dd growing up with the same issues as her mum.

she is an mn'er??? i skipped a few pages and didn't see that. that is not on OP.

Apparently it's ok because she probably won't open a thread about sex.

god what is it with these men who follow their wives onto mn? they freak me out.

Wow where do I start,
Yes DWs parents did have an utterly shite relationship or at least the bits that my DW can recall. Days when he reduced her mum to tears for no reason, the hours of verbal and psychological abuse towards DW and her siblings. Dw has never had a good word to say about her F and has had no contact for 20 years but sees her M 2-3 x a week. Her M is still fucked up about her failed marriage and just cant seem to move on which I think does stll affect Dw though how this relates to her intimacy problem I dont know.

It is DW who has a 'ban' on dtd during her period not me. As I said I am open to almost anything apart from centre parcs. Butlins however is a different matter. :-)

Carer. Thanks for your kind words and thoughts. You are obviously going through 100x the shit I am and I cant imagine how you cope. I doubt very much that I could. Its true that theres always someone much worse off than you. Cant say much more really. You have my undying admiration,

Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to read and reply. Your insightful and heartful advice makes it just a bit easier to get through my relatively insignificant and selfish 'problem'
Thanks.
Wish You had been around when my first marriage went tits up.

i think it was hugely selfish of you to post on here knowing this is a space your wife uses and it says a lot about you.

Santa. I have consistantly said I would not have an affair. that is not fair on anyone and after my exdw did it to me regularly I know the pain involved so that not going to happen.
Yes my dw does read Mumsnet but the chances of her reading this thread are remote as she prefers other threads to the relationship ones and if it mentions sex in the title she is even less likely to read. If she does by chance and realises that its her H that has posted then thats my problem and I will be happy to deal with the flack that I get from her. I knew the risks but the advice and support I have got has been lifesaving so well worth it.

Reading this thread is the best thing she could do.. it would save you a difficult conversation.
Leave laptop open, go down the shops??... ok forget I said that...

Hellto, I like you. Thanks.

I think that last post from the OP is a great example of where the problem may actually be here. You're not worried about how your wife would feel if she came across his thread and realised it was about her. You're simply happy to deal with the 'flack' she'd give you if she did. And, anyway, it was worth it because loads of people said you were so totally right.

Previous to last. Cross-posts.

exactly.

My husband has had depression for a long time; it comes and goes. Our sex life is virtually non existent and sometimes it bothers me, sometimes it doesn't. I
However,if our marriage was based entirely on whether we had sex or not I would consider myself very shallow.

Have you considered she may be depressed?