Close Encounters of The Intimate Kind! Dating thread No:8

[TimeForSomeAction]

Continued from Makes post and in reply of:

Make just ask him. Why not? And of course you are going to be a bit of a mystery woman, he's only just blooming met you! Send him a message saying if he fancies unravelling a bit of the mystery then to get in touch because you would like to see him again. Be playful, be teasing, be fun, make him want you Make

I'm pleased you are having fun but I do have to ask, is all this dating costing you loads of money?? New outfits etc

Make yes it's almost a stone. Have been here before though and a lot does come off in the first weeks - I would expect it to be 1lb to possibly 2lb a week loss from this point on, very pleased it was a good start though.

So i really should just go for it then. He does know i am married, he knows he was abusive, he knows i have an 18month old son, and that my ex is his father, and that i have a tattoo of my ex's name on my shoulder and it still doesnt put him off! I said last night that i needed a hug and he said he would if he could. He isnt pushy, but really understanding and i can really talk to him. Just wanted it all offical really. I am waiting to hear back from the solicitors at the moment!

Yep go for it - and also chill, you haven't even met yet and there is a massive chance that neither of you will want to meet again after the first or second date. If and when it became an actual 'thing' ie seeing each other, (with him or anyone else that might crop up) then your divorce will likely be finished or near it by then anyway. Don't worry!

lubey congrats on the weight loss, thats brilliant reminds me i really need to get back into gear with mine!

Re the photo thing, one of my friends (who always looks gorgeous in photos) tells me it's all about learning how to pose. and that you should take say 10 photos at a time, out of which you should get a couple which are ok. I've found the results are a bit a lot better when following her methods!

zany I think I'm with stay on this one, I'm not sure I would go in the circs. But I can understand how difficult it is, and conflicting emotions you must have.

watch glad you're going on Friday, if nothing else you will have a nice evening and some good food :)

I've found out via facebook that one of my dates for Saturday & I have a mutual friend, a guy I used to work with - I think they know each other from the gym. Which is a bit but also reassuring as ex-colleague (though quite dodgy in many ways!) is a good bloke and I know any friend of his would be the same. Just have to see if we actually get on face to face...

Ellen, sorry to be a pessimist, I would proceed with caution - you have volunteered a lot of (very) personal information to this chap...he may be the type that has categorised you as emotionally damaged (I'm not saying you are btw, but you do seem to have been through a lot of difficult times recently) and therfore an easy option. I would certainly suggest meeting him, but try to take a step back and examine your butterflies.

he may be genuine - I just think we can't really tell from internet conversations/texts etc. whilst I think it is obviously important to say we have kids ( I woudl never deny my children!) I think that the abuse/past relationship details is something you might wish to divulge a little further down the line? You've had a rough time, you deserve someone lovely and deserve to feel those butterflies (we all do when we're chatting to someone and seem to click!) and he may well be amazing, but do, please, look after yourself. :)

Ellen - a bit of friendly advice here from someone who works in domestic abuse service provision.

I completely understand that you want to feel that you're being open with someone new - that honesty is the best policy and all that.

But I would be extremely careful about who you disclose your experiences of abuse to. Abusers sniff out vulnerability in women and hone in on it - so while this new man may possibly be very understanding and kind, he may also be attracted by what he perceives as your vulnerability. If he is an abuser, what he will be hearing is that you are a woman who will accept abuse because you have done in the past. That's how these mens brains work.

Please don't take this as some sort of criticism - all power to you Ellen, you're no longer in your abusive relationship and I've no doubt you're going from strength to strength... but... have a think about how you're coming across. Emotionally healthy, stable men, with good lives of their own would be naturally wary of a person who revealed extremely personal information about an abusive past before they'd even met I think.

Remember, this stuff is your business and nobody elses. Protect yourself.

Oh, cross post with Snapes

I just dont want to mislead anyone, and i do have a scar on my leg and my fractured collar bone never healed properly. I did say i used to work with horses etc. He has been telling me about his job now, that he was a cop. He seems really open and genuine and i really hope he is. Not planning on rushing anything, and if we meet it will be somewhere in london, not that i know many places but surely there would be plenty to do. Want to get my implant in first though, which i get the impression done in march. So by april i should have it. We were online to each other half the night for the last few nights. Hope i find someone genuine and i am pessimistic to be honest. I will be certainly getting to know him really well!

great minds! :)

we're not ganging up to have a go at you :) I think it shows great reserves of strength and self-belief to get away from an abusive relationship. I also think it is wonderful that you have hope and resiliance, are holding your head up and believe that there is someone wonderful for you out there. I don't want you to think that I am being overtly critical, but do, please consider what make has said, for she is wise and we don't want to see you getting hurt, when you have done so brilliantly.

Happy direction I would reply to that with, oh I am glad you share my fetish, I own many strap ons that I would love to use on you! What size do you prefer? 6 inch? 8 inch? The ten is my favourite!

I know and i will not be putting myself back into an abusive relationship, now or ever. Its hard enough the first time around not going to happen again. I dont want to assume the worst of people, just going to keep chatting for a while. I have a nice dress in mind for my first date, but still ned to buy it yet, its midnight blue, strapless and very pretty. Its in Jane norman and is now 22.50 very tempting. I know i have belly but hopefully in 10weeks i will have at least reduced it. But you would be able to see my tattoo in it. Iwas also talking about being huge when expecting and he was asking questions like about kicking and stuff, so just general information there really. Nothing to personal.I of course said my little one did kick a lot and you can see them kicking etc. But only what he would have found out online. I havent gone into details of the abuse, not like on here.

Stay :o hahaaa yes really like that one!

hatesponge I do already do that with pics, but out of a batch of 100 there might be one that I like, and that will be down to the FGOP typical angle! It's all about the extra chins you see. They need to feck orf before I bother with any more pics. Then no daft angles will be needed and you won't get me out from in front of a camera lens then.

lubey it won't be long now at the rate you're going!

And I still have my double chin and am taking photos slightly from above...I suspect even if I lose the remaining 2.5 stone in my dreams the bloody double chin will still be there. Or else it will go saggy and jowly. Either way not good!

i always take pictures from above, i'm short so any man i meet will be looking down @ my face when we speak, therefore he will think 'oh she looks just like her picture'...well thats my theory anyway...:)

..hold on, that might explain why so many of them send you those 'in your face 'cock pictures, poor deluded fools are hoping that you'll be getting eye to eye with their pride & joy

ellen - i agree with all the others have said. tread very, very carefully. Also, internet dating is fickle. You can talk to people lots, only to meet and there be no chemistry, or for them to vanish off the face of the earth the day before the date. It happens all the time. I certainly wouldnt go planning dresses for a meet thats meant to take place in 10 weeks time. Anything could happen in that time.

zany -i agree with stay and lubey. take care of you. Sounds like the ex does still have a bit of an effect of you, maybe its worth having a few days, just to think about everything?

make - we all feel like that somestimes. I tend to date furioiusly, and then end up knackered and fed up of it after about 3 months. Have a break, and im sure you will be back to it in no time. Above all though, DO NOT take it personally. Really, dont. Its not you.

well, would you believe it, but the one i was meant to be meeting monday just gone has got in contact, via text. ive chatted a bit and hes said ' so, when do i get to see you then. ive replied with ' i dont know' because frankly, he can fuck off of he thinks he can have no contact for a week, effectivly blowing me out, and then just pick up where he left off.

loves - :)
lol

skype interview for dating tzarina tomorrow at 1PM.

eeeee!

I take pictures slightly from above to hide the general sagginiess of my jowls. :)

jeeze, the way those guys act as if women are just there for the taking...well if anyone thinks you're low hanging fruit watch just make sure you give him real bad indigestion

thats pretty much my actual reason for taking pics from that angle snapes I justify it on the grounds that it's the same angle he'll see me from

yay snape :) good luck.

loves - yeah. i know. Hes text me that ' hes not sure what he is looking for and doesnt want to hurt anyones feelings' when i was set to IE. arrogant fucker!!!! So - and this isnt like me at all, but im setting up a date and am going to stand him up. I am evil. Ive never done that before...... but jeeze, hes too arrogant.

slightly above is flattering or you can achieve the same effect bu slightly tilting the camera ( but holding it in a normal position) so if you tilt the top down a bit.... it has the same effect, but its not so overhead. Also angle slightly to left or right, again, not moving its position, just slightly angling it... can create better pics...

:)

i too take about 10 to get one good one. lol

watch thats really bad of him I think. Annoyed he should be so presumptuous. In the circs standing him up would be no less than he deserves...might take him down a peg or two.

Honestly what is it with men?!

hmm 'not sure what he is looking for and doesnt want to hurt anyones feelings'
possible translation = he wants to keep you hanging to boost his own ego and make him feel like he's in control...

i know. and hes just sent me one saying he would be a little gutted if we didnt get to ' dabble'

you k now what. i am giong to send him reems of filth, get him all worked up, let him think hes onto a sure thing, and then stand him up.

because he deserves it.

loves - i read it as ' i will shag you, but i dont want any fwb... i just want to shag and go'