This may be long ? apologies in advance.
Bit of backstory so you get the full picture:
Ex DP (let?s call him Harry) and I were together for 7 years (no children) I ended the relationship 18 months ago. Six weeks after ending it, I decided I had made a mistake and asked for him back. He couldn?t decide and kept me (unintentionally, I think) on a string for 6 months, before meeting someone else (let?s call her Jane). Jane and Harry have been together for a year. However, Harry and I have remained friends and now Harry is suggesting he is not very happy with Jane and misses me. I also miss him and would entertain the notion of getting back together, but he has not asked me, and I do not know if it would be possible.
Over the summer I went on a few dates with ?Jerome?. Jerome is an acquaintance of Harry?s, by which I mean they have met a few times, move in the same circles and have several mutual friends. When Harry found out about Jerome, he hit the roof. He said it was out of order for me to date one of his friends and that if I did it again he would "forbid" me from taking part in our mutual hobby which we both attend and have lots of friends at. I wasn?t bothered about Jerome, so agreed.
3 months ago I met ?Paul?. Paul is also an acquaintance of Harry?s. I tried to fight my feelings for Paul, because I knew that Harry would react in the same way as he did about Jerome, would hit the roof and prevent me from taking part in my hobby where all my friends are and make me miserable. However, I was unable to fight them and am now, I suppose, in a relationship with Paul who seems to like me very much.
So far I have kept my relationship with Paul hidden from Harry but quite clearly cannot do so forever. I am now at the stage where I need to decide what to do ? do I stay with Paul and risk fucking up my social life, my chances of getting back together with Harry and my friendship with him? Or do I jack in Paul who I like very much?
I have explained my predicament to Paul who is of the opinion that Harry is being a dick, has no right to tell me what to do and that if I don?t tell him about us, he will. I am fearful that even if I break it off with Paul, he will be angry and tell Harry anyway, thus resulting in me losing everything.
I know that, technically, Harry cannot stop me from seeing my friends etc. But I don?t want things to be awkward and his feelings matter very much to me and I don?t want to hurt him. I have already lied by omission about Paul, and there is a chance he will find out on the grapevine anyway
I know this sounds ridiculous (and having typed it all out I can see that), I am 30 ffs! But I just don?t know what to do ? appease my ex boyfriend who I still care for (love?) and might want to get back together with or lose Paul with whom I might have something good but in doing so risk messing everything up.