how did you tell your dh that youd had enough and it was over?

[cheesesarnie]

kind of thread from a thread rather than a thread about a thread!but how did you start that all important-im leaving/youre leaving conversation?

Oh good, glad we are on the same page

I will of course pay my fair share on such dates!

Lots of humbling stories on here and lots of support and good advice as well, i didnt have a massive lightbulb moment really, as i read very recently somewhere on MN "a relationship can die from a thousand papercuts" and thats what happened to me really, (although looking back some of what happened should of been massive lightbulb moments but i was in too deep to see that at the time) but i can tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel, i am now divorced, the kids and i are so much happier, and the sense of relief is immense and long lasting! i do give thanks to MN as it gave me the advice and validation that i needed to begin to sort things out!

Well I got drunk, texted all his friends and told them. They are so shocked.
H had told them I'd kicked him out.
He's all over this new girl on fb and when he was out last night he was happily telling people that we'd split up.
How can he not want to just ring to say goodnight to his kids? How can he not even want to see them every day? How can I hold my head up when SHE walks past me, (as he was kind enough to choose someone 10yrs younger and thinner and stunningly beautiful from the same small town?) :(

at all these responses!
looks like things might be coming to a head in our house sooner rather than later.dh informs me today that hes changing jobs(again-serial job quiter)no how will this effect the rest of us etc(maybe im odd for thinking it should be discussed?)now hes in a grump because i just said 'ok'.
obviously lots more to it than that but its another 'little' thing.2 completly different people

geet, your H is a fucking nob and you are well rid

don't try to understand his actions, it will drive you mad

try to get to the point where you are glad this dickhead is off your hands

OW will come a cropper, just like you did

Dating and sex welcome here too, definitely no slippers being parked under my bed though!! I love living alone!

TimeForSomeAction

I don't even want anyone sleeping over. I have no desire to spend the night with someone and wake up next to him. Nope. He can have an hour, including sex, then go home to his own bed, locking the door behind him and pushing my key through the letter box.

That's more than enough isn't it?

I feel the same as you TFSA - atm anyway - and while I'd quite like a partner in some ways, and wouldn't totally rule marriage out, I'll be damned if I'll ever be a wife again.

Geet, a tale for you.
When I met my DH he gave me this sib story about how his previous partner, and mother to hid DS, didn't understand his needs and had left him, taking the furniture and their DS.
It all happened about 7 years before we met, but I felt so sorry for him....how could she?
He saw his DS at weekends, but it never altered his routine....playing football on Saturday, playing golf on Sunday. He just dumped his DS at his mother's then picked him up when he had finished.
Then I came along and voila he did not need his mum to babysit anymore....he had me!!!!!!!
Course I was too stupid and loved up to see what was happening.
Fast forward 12 years. I am now in the position where nothing has changed, for him anyway. When I do pluck up the courage to leave, he will need to find another 'babysitter' for his weekends.
The OW in your DH's life will soon find herself in your position.....what goes around comes around. He will repeat the same pattern with her as he has with you.

You are well rid.

I said we have to separate. This - his ongoing infidelity and cruelty - can't go on. Anything is better than this.

timeforsomeaction

TimeForSomeAction that's similar to my plan but in reverse. I'll go to his place then leave when I'm done

My (now ex) dp is begging me to come home. He really doesn't seem to understand the reasons for our split. I tell him and it's as if he's not listening. He just crys and says sorry. He doesn't think about what he could do to rectify the situation. Today I've written a 9 A4 page long letter (and my hand writing is small!) detailing all the events that led to my decision. Hopefully he will stop crying and learn to understand.

ashamednamechanger thanks for your post!! Your OH (see? I'm not calling them DH anymore?) sounds like as big of a twat as mine :( He came to read them goodnight stories and massively wound them up (really because they hadn't seen him for so long I guess it's understandable!)
I need pointing in right direction of how to tell my babies that we are splitting, any advice? I've spoken to their head teacher. :(
God I'm so f*cking sad. Not upset, just sad this has happened to my babies and me, this wasn't supposed to happen.

Geet you are not sad at all. It's understandable that you are mourning on your DCs behalf for the loss of the father.
How old are your DCs? If very young, then it will probably be hard to tell them as they probably do not understand the mechanics involved in an adult relationship.
However, my DS1 is 9 and is too aware already of things not being good between OH and me. So I think he will be more able to accept our split if I just tell it him straight. He may not be thrilled about it but he knows I love him and that is all he needs to know ATM.
What his father decides to tell him will be another story altogether.
So it all depends on how old your DCs are really.

Just little, 3 and 6...

thats my biggest worry geet.
dh has arranged a babysitter and asked me out for dinner-very unusual,cant decide if its a romantic gesture or hes realising that he may lose me?we shall see.i do know its going to painful whatever

cheese when will this be?

My ex asked me what was wrong, and I said "I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you" the relief I felt was unbelievable...

no idea.hasnt been mentioned again funnily enough!.he has been in a nice mood since.maybe he thinks suggesting we behave as a normal couple makes everything better.

i popped in the local shop earlier,dh's soon to be ex boss was in there.asked me why we were together!and said nobody would blame you if you left!was a bit .is it that obvious to everyone?i didnt get into a public bitching about dh by the way,just shrugged and said i was in a rush.
dh still hasnt mention much about his new job,all i know is that he was handing in his notice the next day?(1st id heard),guessed where it is,dont know hours,how hes going to get there,pay etc.selfish twunt

magic-i can imagine saying the honest truth did feel amazing.i think im thinking to much,maybe i just need to say i dont you i dont fancy you and i dont want to waste how ever many years of my life with you.

...oneday