how did you tell your dh that youd had enough and it was over?

[cheesesarnie]

kind of thread from a thread rather than a thread about a thread!but how did you start that all important-im leaving/youre leaving conversation?

thanks cheese. Its such a relief to finally tell someone how it is I am actually sat here crying into my wine

awww.think im past crying.dont get used to it.mn is great for saying what you cant always say in rl.i tend to say things on here-read it and think shit i didnt realise how bad it was!its writting it down.

trying I hope it works out for you

if you can bite your tongue for months in the face of fuckwittery from a man, you are a better person than me

cheese I look forward to that day

until it happens though, forgive me for reminding you how you are not obliged to tolerate shit from a man

trying I am sorry you are crying

oh cheese, I'm sorry you are. I always think I am and then it hits me. I dont know whether I feel better or worse after. But mumsnet is quite literally a lifesaver. Keep reading and posting.

AF - I've bitten my tongue for years, and can finally see where it will get me. If it wasn't for the children I would happily tell him where to stick it. But they deserve my patience for a couple more months. I brought them into this after all. And there is no way I am a better person than you. You help so many.

ofcourse.i like to be reminded that its not normal by someones whos not afraid to tell me!its like a virtual kick(in a good way)!

tears are part relief to be in my own home with my own front door, and not have to walk on eggshells every minute of the day wondering what I am going to do to piss him off next. Because no matter what I did there was always something. Its better now. And I can cry for that.

< goes back to lurkdom >

why are you lurking?dont lurk advize(sp)

please don't lurk AF. We need you

< feeling a bit humbled >

not for too long though

I meant, I will withdraw for a bit as I realised I have been a bit too "straight talking"

carry on...you two are good for each other I think

i like the straight talking.

AF Straight talking is excellent, don't you dare stop.

cheese Talk? Tell how it is. I kind of think i may have been there. And if I can help, or just listen, I will (are we allowed to do 'x' here?)

Quite sad that so many of us are so unhappy.

I think I am finally moving on a stage. I am starting to open up to a few peeps in RL. Dont get me wrong - not the full blown horrific tale and the home truths of how our life really is but I am tired of making excuses for him never going anywhere with me. I used to say he was ill or studying. I now just say he didn't want to come, he is at home playing on his play station - just matter of fact.
I am careful of whom I am so blunt with. I live in married quarters on a military base so I could do without the gossip, but I am now quite frank with friends further afield.

I was at a NYE party in my home town with very old friends from before I met my H. At the last minute H decided not to come. No shock tbh and relief as well if I am truthful. I was very frank when people asked me there where he was. I told them the plain truth; he does not want to come out with me and have fun with me but would just like to have sex with me. i think it was a little bit of drink talking but I was far from drunk or even tipsy - it was the start of the night.

Obviously our sex life is pretty non existant because I just dont respect him anymore after his endless cheating. I have no idea anymore if he is now faithful or just doing the porn thing and chat thing perhaps. I have run out of steam to keep searching. Somehow he always is one step ahead of me and tbh - I dont think I really care anymore. He could screw another 100 women and I dont think it would hurt me in the same way as before. He has cheated on such a prolific level another few would make little difference.

Shit this is sick. Like you say writing it down makes you realise just how warped and fucked up it all really is.

IAGTU I have seen your other threads

I am so sorry

But I am glad to see you gradually start to open up in RL

The secrecy, the saving face, the pretending, the covering-up....it all works against you and for him

and you are protecting him, why ? (rhetorical question )

Thanks AF.

Thats a question I have started to ask myself recently?

My best friend is going to come and stay a few days soon and come with me to see a solicitor (free appointment thingy hopefully) and help me establish whats what.

But do you know what - 4 years!! 4 fucking years I have been intending to do this but for some sick reason I keep delaying and putting it off. I am so scared. Not even sure what I need to ask and (this is the hilarious bit) feel some kind of guilt on my H, because I am going behind his back!! WTAF????

I cannot believe I have stayed through all this. I know damn well I would be infuriated with a mate that stayed in my situation. But am learning one of lifes lessons - its not so black and white and straightforward when its your life, your children and your emotions.

I am sure we all have our breaking point and I do think (and hope) my is nearer now than its ever been.

I hope that too

I had the lightbulb moment a few weeks ago.
Had arranged to visit my mum. Got DCs ready then told them (loudly) that we would all go to the park and that Daddy would make organise dinner in the meantime. DH looked askance and said 'what???' I just replied get on with it FGS.
We returned 3 hours later after an afternoon dragging Grandma round her local park. DCs and me cold, tired and very hungry. We walked in to find DH STILL lying on sofa.....no food.
When I asked what we were having for dinner, DH went to freezer and took out a whole frozen chicken! I just looked at him as though he were completly insane and asked him why he hadn't organised dinner earlier. When he replied that he had been busy (as in watching Sports on TV) I knew I couldn't put up with this pisstaker any longer.

Oh ashamed you deserve better we all do.

DP had been very angry and was often abusive. I kept hoping one day he would be the same person I met all those years ago but glimpses of that person were very few and far between. DS said to MIL that his dad often shouts and his mum often cries . Over and over again I asked DP why he was like he was towards me. He would always say "If you don't like it then f off" / "If you don't like it then you know what to do"

One day I woke up and knew what I had to do.

A while later DS was at a friends and DP and I walked the dog. DP said "You never hold my hand anymore, don't you love me" and I said "Actually no, we are not friends, you have made it clear that you don't like me either, its over". And I knew then that it was.

The next few months were hell. Exdp read all my diaries and stole one to photocopy, screamed abuse at me, cried and pleaded, told me I was ugly, spotty worthless with horrible little titties. No man would ever put up with me. I was going to end up lonely and on my own because I was a nasty awful person.

I somehow got through all that and now am in my own tiny house with DS, have a lovely new man in my life who is my best best friend, I graduated from uni with a 1st class degree and am working in a job I enjoy a lot. Life is good and I don't regret that day for a second.

Yes, we do.
When I do leave this sad excuse of a husband/father, I'm going to leave him a CD....that song by Beyonce, "Best Thing You Never Had". It just says everything about my feelings towards him. He may have had my body but I've seen the light now cos he "showed his ass".