What would you make of this???

[scatterboxgirl1]

I have just discovered my partner has set up a profile of me on a well known and respected dating site (not a no strings one) with a photo of me and has been sending messages to men and replying to messages that men have sent as me. His reason being that he gets a thrill out of other men finding me attractive. He said he was inquisitive and accepts that he has crossed the boundary of acceptable behaviour. I can accept that, however the nature of this messages that he has been sending to these guys are extremely explicit and quite honestly make me look like a slag. I am bloody furious and also must add that he posted a couple of naked photos of me on the site which they removed as it didn't meet with their photo guidelines. What on earth would you do about this. We have children and I have recently given birth to our 3rd child.

I know what I'd do, but you have to make your own decision. That is a shitty thing to do to anyone, and pretty weird as well. Has there been anything else that's been odd?

I wouldn't be sticking around to make anything of it

How fucking dare he ?

he attempted to put naked photos of you on there ?

is there no end to some men's sense of entitlement ?

I'd be furious. And possibly frightened. What if he's posted pictures or sent messages elsewhere that you haven't found yet?
I'd also be sickened and disgusted and feel I couldn't trust him.

In effect he's stolen your identity and posed as you for his own sexual gratification.

Apart from being dishonest, it's disturbing that he gets a thrill from posing as a woman when communicating with other men in a sexually explicit manner.

What will be his next step? Dressing as a woman and meeting these men, or prostituting you to them?

I am shocked and so bloody angry right now. He is a great partner, fantastic father, we get on so very well together and have a wonderful life. He absolutely adores me in every way. I am his girl or so he says so why the f*ck would he put personal naked photos of me on the web for any weirdo to see. It's almost like he's developed an obssession about me and other men.
I am having trouble stringing a decent sentence together as I feel violated, cheap and nasty. I don't know if I could ever trust him again after this. Leaving him is not something I would do without careful consideration. There are 3 children under the age of 7 here to consider.

extremely shocking!

It is shocking you're right. You read so many stories on here of partners or husbands putting themselves on dating sites and trawling them for women, but you don't often hear of the men putting their own girlfriends on there for other men to perve over. I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. It has disgusted me.

exactly - never read or heard about such situation on here (or generally)! He may be fantasising about you having sex with other men (happens to some men) but to go and act on it without your consent and post nude photos?? I think he might be unwell mentally in some way.

I'm sure it must also be illegal.

How long has it been going on, that you know of?
And what's his attitude now that he knows how upset you are about it? What did he expect you to think?

if you were to stay with him, he will need therapy, I'd say. Could be at, a stretch, a weird type of a mid-life crisis, if nothing like that happened before. The question is - HAS nothing like that been going on for a long time?

Yes it is identity theft and that is illegal, although just how far I would get if I tried to pursue it god know's. I have threatened it though.

It started at the end of September, beginning of October. I have managed to access the profile, read the messages and deactivated the profile.

His attitude is apologetic, but how much of that is sorry for what he's done or sorry for getting caught who knows.

You must feel as if you've been living with a complete stranger.
And one who doesn't care about you, too, if he could do that to you. What a horrible violation.

Just for support, actually, my partner did this for a while. He asked if I minded and I didn't, as no photos showed my face and we shared it as an experience. It's the eroticisation of your sexual power over other men and so, presumably, some sort of indication of his 'worth' as a partner and his virility having and controlling your sexuality. It's not politically correct and it's horrible to do behind your back, but I think most men wish they had more control of their partner's sexuality and it's a pretty pathetic way of trying to do that.

It's much more common that you might think. Think how many amateur photos of naked women there are online. Do we really think it's always women putting them there?

Op any man who does that to his children's mother is not a good father. Oh my god he is so utterly out of line. Shocked.

ps I should say, not on a dating site, on a specifically sexual site. That's odd to me, the dating element, and a horribly unfair because someone you know could have seen you and recognised on that and caused all sorts of hell for you!

He has tarnished your name in public behind your back. You don't know who has seen these pictures or read the stuff about you. I am utterly shocked. This is the behaviour of some spurned nut case not that of a loving father and partner.

yes, there are photos, but I'm pretty sure those ar done by casual partners or non-LTR boyfriends, possibly when drunk. For a husband (with 3 kids around) to put photos with his wife's identity/face on show is not common at all, very few I'm sure. If he only put faceless photos, still a big cringe without her consent, but with the face - a whole different game.

Yes I agree, totally, likeatonneofbricks. The internet does strange things to some people, the power, the anonymity. It's possible he's an okay-ish guy who dipped his toe in, got carried away and ended up using her for a cheap thrill but he should acknowledge he's behaved abominably. It's a morality and privacy issue, I was just saying she shouldn't be too concerned about the sexuality and perversity of it, just how inappropriate and cruel and thoughtless it is.

Of course she can be concerned about what she likes, sorry OP(!) But what I am trying to say is that there is a lot of comment about how weird and unusual this is and, I just wanted you to not feel alone and totally distraught that this is something that might mean he's gay or bi or a sexual deviant or something.
In my experience, there are huge online communities of married couples (and the male half of married couples particuarly) putting up pictures of themselves and each other, quite often pretending to be the woman, consent unknown.

but what he has done is very very wrong.

but if the consent is unknown, we can't state that huge number of married people do it, with their partners face on show.
The shock is about disregards to her feelings AND her safety. He might have e-mailed the photos to people who contacted her and given their direct e-mails.

How can you even consider staying with him?

I don't think OP is that concerned about the fantasy as such, if it stayed a fantasy, or if he shared it with her with respect, she might have understood. But not what he's done.

Hs he asked you to swing?

Exact same thing happened to someone I know [honestly not me!] and it was because he was trying to set up a swinging scenario.

Amber, this was a normal dating site. If he asked her anything, she wouldn't be so shocked.