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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am a massive cliche. 10 hours since my marriage ended.

109 replies

Changeychangechange · 01/01/2012 00:35

I've spent the Christmas period glancing over active threads, purposefully ignoring those about Xmas marriage breakdowns. I don't have a stressful Xmas and I've actually had a nice time until today.

'D'H has decided today that he thinks we should split up, sorry, have a break because he 'needs some space'. I've pointed out that he's a bit young for a midlife crisis, however it seems that he's expecting me to move out. I'm not,one for long posts so apols for dripping info, I'm not doing it on purpose. I need some patented MN indignation to bolster my confidence. If I seem a bit flippant, i am ery upset but I've had a bottle of wine and thought I'd pop on for a chat about what awanker I married.

Happy new year anyway, if there's anyone out there.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 01/01/2012 00:36

happy new year Confused
Did you see this coming at all? or was it a bolt from the blue?

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 01/01/2012 00:37

If he wanted some space why didn't he go and sit in the middle of a field for a while ?

Original poster
Changeychangechange · 01/01/2012 00:38

I'm quite surprised, but he has pulled this before. It's just been vague threats in arguments before though. This is quite serious, I think.

OP posts:
Rosiescorner · 01/01/2012 00:38

Happy New year, past experience have that glass of wine and moan a lot you'll feel better x

oikopolis · 01/01/2012 00:38

i'm here. what were his reasons? and why on earth does he want you out?

are there children involved?

aleene · 01/01/2012 00:38

Oh you poor thing, I am indignant on your behalf.

How old is he? How long have you been married?

And you are not moving out. No. No. No.

susiedaisy · 01/01/2012 00:38

Why does he expect you to move out?

tribpot · 01/01/2012 00:38

Well that's a bloody nice start to 2012.

First question first: do you have children? Assuming no, can you actually afford to move out? Can he?

Have you at least got somewhere you can sleep tonight that isn't with him, i.e. spare room or similar?

TopazMortmain · 01/01/2012 00:39

Why should you move out? Tell him to get a tent and pitch himself in the garden.

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 01/01/2012 00:39

Ps well done for not moving out ! Does he contribute much to your wellbeing ?

lookbutdonttouch · 01/01/2012 00:41

Someone wiser will hopefully be along shortly however in the meantime: -

  1. Yes he is a twat, if his 'crisis' held over Xmas, was there a reason he announced today?
  2. If he wants space then he can be the one to move out and find it, no reason why you should.

So, carry on, any reason for this that you can see or is it totally out of the blue?

WannabeMegMarch · 01/01/2012 00:41

Seriously...tonight he decides to tell you this? And he wants you to move out? Hmm
So concentrate on the practicalities as the emotions will flood you- DC? yes or no? House jointly owned? Joint bank account- you will need cash etc

Original poster
Changeychangechange · 01/01/2012 00:42

No children, thank god that didn't pan out. He's been informed he's in the spare room tonight.

I'm not working. N-O MONEY. Are work reasons why he has to stay here, I can go other house somewhere else.

OP posts:
GinIsTheAnswer · 01/01/2012 00:44

Have that wine! If he's the one that needs the space, for whatever reason, surely he's the one that fucks off & finds it. Stay put (we shall not be moved emoticon)!

StealthPolarBear · 01/01/2012 00:45

DS got a book on space for Christmas. I can recommend it. Give it to him as a parting gift and I hope it chokes him.

Original poster
Changeychangechange · 01/01/2012 00:45

He's pissed me off more tonight. This all came out at lunch time. Tonight has backtracked a bit from 'I want to split up' to 'were having a break'.

I've pointd out that if you,ask your wife to move out, that's quite a difficult position to get back from.

OP posts:
Original poster
Changeychangechange · 01/01/2012 00:46

Thanks for the explosion of MN INDIGNATION. I love you lot. Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Changeychangechange · 01/01/2012 00:49

I've finished the wine and am in bed. ON MY OWN. Tosser.

OP posts:
WannabeMegMarch · 01/01/2012 00:53

Thats the attitude- keep it up tomorrow. Clearly it is unreasonable for a man to announce that he wants to split up and then minimise it the same day. Mind games, me-thinks.
So there you go darling, move out somewhere, take as much time/space to think as you need. I shall be here (getting on with my lovely life without you) when you want an adult conversation about this.

tribpot · 01/01/2012 00:56

So essentially the tosser doesn't know what he wants but couldn't be arsed to figure it out in his own mind before dropping the bomb on you. "We're having a break" - not really up to him now is it?

StealthPolarBear · 01/01/2012 00:56

While we're all lovely and wonderful, d you have real life support? Please call people in the morning (OK maybe not before 8am) - if you need your friends, then call on them.

Luminescence · 01/01/2012 00:59

Why should you move out? It's him that wants space.

StealthPolarBear · 01/01/2012 01:02

because if she moves out she gets to sew prawns in the curtain hems before she goes. It's almost worth it.
OP, hpe you get some sleep. Come back tomorrow and let us know you're OK.

Original poster
Changeychangechange · 01/01/2012 01:02

I think that was because he went to see a friend who told,him he was being a twat and then came home and decided it was 'having a break'.

I told him to go out tonight because I thought it would be easier, but he wouldn't. He tried to hug me at midnight. We've been together a long time, I have no idea why he thinks this is ok.

I didn't want to talk about details tonight, but he pushed it and he was quite surprised when i said that if I move out, he shouldn't expect to ring me in a fortnight and expect to make up.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 01/01/2012 01:03

good for you!!
I ahve to ask - are you suspicious?