I am a massive cliche. 10 hours since my marriage ended.

[Changeychangechange]

I've spent the Christmas period glancing over active threads, purposefully ignoring those about Xmas marriage breakdowns. I don't have a stressful Xmas and I've actually had a nice time until today.

'D'H has decided today that he thinks we should split up, sorry, have a break because he 'needs some space'. I've pointed out that he's a bit young for a midlife crisis, however it seems that he's expecting me to move out. I'm not,one for long posts so apols for dripping info, I'm not doing it on purpose. I need some patented MN indignation to bolster my confidence. If I seem a bit flippant, i am ery upset but I've had a bottle of wine and thought I'd pop on for a chat about what awanker I married.

Happy new year anyway, if there's anyone out there.

Urgh. What a revolting specimen he is.

Sorry, but really.

Follow the (much better) advice given by pps, get yourself sorted out and ditch him.

Then, when you're ready to leave, put the prawns in his socks. And inner pockets of jackets.

He's 'rough' with you? As in he does stuff he knows you don't want/ like?

Does he not understand normal sexual boundaries?

What does he say/do when you say no?

I never thought I'd be the one receiving the 'Leave the bastard's.

Things between you sound grim - and he doesn't appear to be saying/doing the things you'd want from someone who wants to work things out.

Could you go stay with friends or family for a little while to clear your head?

Would life be better for you if you went back to live in former home/former area? You (presumably) would have more support there. Would it be easier (in theory) for you to find work there? If so, that could help your financial situation.

The piece de resistance this afternoon was that he claimed it would work out well to 'have this break', he could save some money, we could get back together and have a baby. Fucker. If that's not emotional blackmail, I don't know what is. Apparently he thinks I'd be a great mother. I cried.

Wow nasty piece of work! Does things you don't like during sex and it is your fault you are not enjoying it.

I agree with AnyFucker he wants a break so he can shag an other and can look you in the eyes and say he didn't cheat.

That sounds like utter bullshit to me.

If you had to live separately for a period of time to save money, well - it's hardly ideal but people manage. You don't separate in order to achieve that.

It sounds more like you're being sent away to learn your lesson and if you're good, and he saves some dosh in the interim - you get your bonus. Sorry, I mean baby. Yet whilst you're off in exile learning to repent of your ways, mysteriously he may decide you've "grown apart" or you "want different things".

You seem to have become resigned to separating very quickly, Changey. Do you know why that is? Did this really come out of nowhere?

You don't want a man like that to Father your children...a biting bully. Can you borrow some money from anyone? Parents? Friends? I am sure if my friend came to me in your situation I would not judge but would do all I could to get her out of this situation...

You are not going to fall for that emotional blackmail are you ?

"Run along and look the other way while I shag some other women, and if you are good I will give you a baby"

tell him to fuck off

Have to be a bit light on the details here, but I've made some quite big life/family adjustments to follow him (for his work) to a new area, no friends here, completely unfamiliar, no job.

I just think if someone wants to kick you when you're at your lowest possible point, resource wise, over quite petty issues, it's all a bit shit, really. I think this is just the last straw.

I'm just thinking maybe it's time to call it a day while I'm young enough to make a fresh start. My parents had a horrible marriage.

Haha, AF. I've told him to fuck off a few times this afternoon.

so, you have literally left your whole other life behind to follow this man ?

and he repays you with this shit ?

he obviously thinks you are so in thrall to him, you will just STFU while he dips his wick elsewhere for a while

and will still be waiting when he gets it out of his system ?

I sincerely hope that you reflect on what a mistake you have made, and resolve not to throw any more good years of your life after bad

Bit you?

Nice.

Porn user?

So first the power shifted in your relationship, then he started acting like a dick. I wonder if on some level he hoped you wouldn't follow him for work and then it could be 'your fault' when you split. But you did follow him, making the big adjustments you mention (which I guess may include giving up a job, but don't comment on that if you don't want to) and suddenly: here's an idea. You go back to the old house and work on your sex face.

Was the move meant to be a fresh new start for you both?

I think the root of it is probably as simple as an early midlife crisis. He's got a social life here, I don't. Most of his friends are single and I'm a drain on his resources.

I knew it would be a bit difficult being together full time again after I moved here, but clearly I'm superfluous to requirements. He doesn't want a family right now and that includes me.

Please let's try to keep it somewhat lighthearted, as my title says, I've become a cliched holiday season marriage breakdown. Don't kick me while I'm down.

Don't kick me while I'm down. so mean! Sits down and takes off big boot again

Any chance you could speak to your old employers see if there is a vacancy?

I think this action is about getting you back in line so you'll submit to the sexual practices he wants to inflict on you. Biting is sadistic.

Well, there's no sexual practices happening in this house now, so that's solved.

Xales, maybe. Feeling a bit more positive now. Everything will be alright.
I read something about a serious relationship breakdown being like grieving, and thats how I feel now. Still crying on and off, but it does feel a bit like he died, iykwim. I miss the good times.

How you doing this morning, Changey?

Had a bit of a wobble last night. He was out and I nearly rang him to come home and talk. I had to have a serious word with myself about whether it was because I still love him and I want to carry on or if it was just that I was scared of starting again on my own.

I concluded that I still have feelings for him and I wish that he would magically stop being an arsehole, but it's not happening and this is no good for me. I am scared of being on my own. That sounds a bit wet but perhaps you need to acknowledge it before you can do something about it. I didn't call him and he didn't come home until 3.30. That helped me a bit - between that and the hurtful things he said yesterday, i really dont think he's interested in mending this.

That all sounds pretty normal. Remember he's been getting used to the idea of breaking up for a while now while you've had it sprung on you. And alone ain't so bad, I did it for five years befor dp waltzed into my life. After 2 years with him I still have the occasional wibble about giving up independance and control. Life is a lot easier when you're the only one making decisions

Don't beat yourself up about it. You were already in a fairly daunting period of your life before this happened - new city, no job, that's tough stuff. Now this as well - it's a lot to have to process.

Have you spoken to anyone else in real life yet?

Yup, this is all about putting you in your place. You're supposed to be so desperately upset at the thought of losing him that you will submit to and agree to anything. Which may or may not include him having/seeking sex elsewhere. He considers himself his superior and your owner, so call his bluff and dump his sorry arse, because that's a deep-rooted worldview that won't change.
And being on your own is fine. It's much better than being with a bitey arsehole, after all.