I am a massive cliche. 10 hours since my marriage ended.

[Changeychangechange]

I've spent the Christmas period glancing over active threads, purposefully ignoring those about Xmas marriage breakdowns. I don't have a stressful Xmas and I've actually had a nice time until today.

'D'H has decided today that he thinks we should split up, sorry, have a break because he 'needs some space'. I've pointed out that he's a bit young for a midlife crisis, however it seems that he's expecting me to move out. I'm not,one for long posts so apols for dripping info, I'm not doing it on purpose. I need some patented MN indignation to bolster my confidence. If I seem a bit flippant, i am ery upset but I've had a bottle of wine and thought I'd pop on for a chat about what awanker I married.

Happy new year anyway, if there's anyone out there.

tribpot you win the prize for picking up the superfluous 'we' in that statement. purplepidj also very perceptive.

You can ask for the thread to be moved to a non-Googleable location, Changey. I won't put the name of the area, but MN will know what you mean!

If he's seriously suggesting a trial separation as a cost-cutting exercise that is beyond delusional.

I think the out-of-nowhere 'list of shit you're doing wrong' is a classic for someone who is either cheating or planning to - but then why let his friend talk him back in from the ledge slightly? Has he been doing anything else which looks a bit dodgy in retrospect? Glued to his phone all of a sudden?

From the list of things that I do wrong:

No1 is that I don't want to have sex with him enough apparently.

I like to think my libido is average, his is high. Actual stats probably, every other day if not every day. Morning if not at night etc. Its fine, but I've been asking him to not be so rough (not violent, just a bit too enthusiastic) and I made a face when he bit me. Apparently this is 'putting him off' and I should stop it. It seems that by his calculations, we have sex once a week and I don't look like I enjoy it. He feels like a mug because there are women chucking themselves at him and he comes home to be rejected.

Putting this down on a page, I feel a bit sick and it's making me cry. Either this is manipulation or he's cheating on me. Arsehole.
I don't have any other evidence. Both have iPhones with pass code as have email/banking stuff on.

It's his job to make sure you enjoy it! If you're not turned on that's his failure to either listen to what you want or act upon it. i know you don't want to hear it but the more yiu say the more he sounds like a selfish tosser that you'd be well shot of

Right, I'm going out for a bit to get some fresh air, been in the house too long.

I'm sorry I smell a HUGE rat here ! Are you sure there is no OW?

Men by & large don't leave a comfortable home with all comforts unless there is a mahoosive amount of discomfort/unhappiness.

Secondly, you should NOT leave unless you are sure it's what you want & it's to your advantage.

He feels like a mug because there are women chucking themselves at him and he comes home to be rejected.

Which could be interpreted as meaning he virtually had to cheat, you left him no choice!

However, I am not sure you are meant to work on this whilst living in separate houses? You won't be having a whole lot of sex with him there, after all.

I meant, I'm not sure how you are meant to work on this whilst living in separate houses.

But equally, I'm not sure you are meant to work on this one, either ...

sorry x-posted with other posters....hope you enjoyed your walk?

Gosh, yes I'm sure there are literally hordes of women queueing up to be bitten and treated roughly during sex, but the trouble with you is that You Don't Know Your Place and should just Smile and Put Up With It.

What a complete arse. A liar too.

He's invented all these 'complaints' to put you off the scent of what's really going on, i.e. an affair.

There's no reason why a married couple need to have iphone pins that are secret from eachother, but it doesn't surprise me that you don't know his password.

How about telling him that you're relieved that you no longer have to pretend you're enjoying sex with such a shit lover?

See, that's what didn't make sense to me.
So, we don't have enough sex, by your standards, so you're asking me to move out, so you don't get any? That's what made me feel like I was being moved on.

Btw, when he found out I'd talked to a relative yesterday, he said that we shouldn't discuss the 'break' with anyone else, to "save embarrassment". I said that if he makes me move out, I'll discuss it with whoever I please. Im not the one who should be embarrassed, i think. His mum will go mad when she finds out.

I am really going out now, so thanks to all. I don't feel much better, but it's good to get some different perspectives on it. Knew I could rely on the MN massive for some new rude names to call him if it comes to that.
Back in a bit.

I suggest you go nuclear. Kick him out and tell everyone what a scumbag he is. Whether or not he's trying to justify an affair, he's being controlling and manipulative and, unless you've left out heapo info, you don't deserve that. Call his bluff, it sounds like you have nothing to lose except twelve stone of twat.

Make sure you match his list of criticisms with one of your own!

Go into his room tonight, while he is sleeping, and bite him.....really hard. Ask him ifhe enjoyed it?

He's making every excuse in the book to make this split your fault. Then he can'tbe blamed for falling into bed with an understanding woman.

Pick up your belongings and dignity and leave....get your head together.

Liking your style! but thinking you really shouldn't move out.
If he wants a break, he should be the one worrying about the logisitcs of his "break".

Sounds like he is gearing up for a massive private party and you moving out will be just peachy.

Suspicions and anger aside, I think you should try to talk to him and find out if he isn't just trying to catch up on missed youth and is being a bit selfish and trampling your feelings on the way. Don't know what good talking would do in this case. Actually i don't even know if it is worth it. Ho hum. just ignore me then.

His main complaint is you are not having enough sex but you are having it every other day at least, and he is rough, and inconsiderate in bed in that he doesn't grasp that you might not enjoy being bitten .

He sounds like an utter twat and TBH I'd be wanting the break to be permanent!

I'm thinking it will be permanent. If he lets me move out of this house it's definitely over.

I'd love to tell him honestly what I think of him, but Im just going to have to bite my tongue for a bit as I want him to pay for things, funding may become difficult if I'm not playing ball.

Use it as planning time, just don't let him prevent you from getting rl support

I was tell him that if he doesn't want to move out of the rental property then he needs to give you the deposit money and then you will move out.

He is definately going to get his needs met somehow with someone if most days isn't enough at the moment!

Yes take your time & only move out if/when it is financially viable &/or convenient for YOU.

Make sure you have copies of all financial documents/proof of his income to show your solicitor when you get to that point as he'll try & hide stuff you can guarantee.

What do you mean? If he "lets" you move out???? You can do what the hell you want!

He sounds like an utter arse...do you share bank accounts? You might want to secure some cash if so....and quickly....before he takes it all out...

Band - I don't think Changey meant it in the sense of he would forbid her to leave, but if he was prepared to let her go through with the separation, without trying a bloody sight harder to get her to stay.

I'm worried you had to raise your voice to him to get him to leave your bedroom last night, Changey. And that you might be compromised, or compromising, because of some money you need from him? You've been married longer than I have but have very separate finances.

"having a break" = shagging someone else

someone who presumably doesn't make a fuss about being bitten

horrible man, isn't he ?

Tribpots got it on the nose again. That is what I meant.

Urg, there's been some recriminations this afternoon. He swears blind he's not done anything he shouldn't. I'm off, eventually. Im not looking forward to the next few days.

Separate bank accounts, I don't have an income unless its from him and there's a big fat zero in my account after Xmas. I've always had my own money. This is what you get for trusting a man to not fuck your life up.