The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New Year, New Start And With A Firm Resolution In Their Hearts.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I have an ever changing relationship with alcohol.

This is the Brave Babes Battle Bus, it's a support thread for those who feel their drinking habits are not what they should be, or even those of another.

Sober, drinking or somewhere in between, come take a seat.

And for those who would like to know where this all started, HERE is a link to the threads before this one.

Make THIS year THE year that you change your life, for the better.

Have a Happy New Year, full of memories to treasure, not to forget.

Morning all . Pouring with rain here but at least the mornings are getting brighter. Hope you all manage to find a ltitle sunshine in your day today, whether its a smile from a loved one or kindness from a stranger.

Today I will not be drinking .

morning

ds still poorly and so off school again.

stuck to the no alcohol yesterday and plan to keep it up today. i feel quite driven to improve my health at the minute and horribly aware that smoking will not exactly help that progress but scared of giving up. hoping that will change as i take better care of myself in general and build up my ability/desire to care for myself.

day 2 - thought it would never come

take care everyone.

Well done saf

Well done Saf keep going! The more small changes you do the better you feel!

I was a mess of toxins this time last month, now coffee is my biggest vice.

Keep going xx

Morning everyone,

I haven't been around the last couple of days as I have a really, really bad bout of cystitus (sorry TMI), which is a bit bloody ironic considering all the cranberry juice I've been drinking in the last couple of months!!!
Dr has given me horse strength antibiotics, and all other tests are ok, so hopefully it will soon pass! Not so painful today anyway.

It has given me a bit of a kick of the backside about looking after my body though, as someone said to me the other day, you only get one! It has been so very painful that although it probably bears no relation, I think I really must take more care of my diet, and the things that I am putting into this body of mine.

Hello to all new babes, and welcome.

Mouse so sorry to hear about your horrible experience with the doctor. I do so hope that the injections are working and that you are in less pain. Sending love xxxx

Righto, off for another pint of water!!!

xxxx

ouch thurso!

me too with thinking i need more care over what i'm eating. have just done an online shop to come tomorrow and have ordered a ton of veg which i am determined will end up inside of us not the dustbin.

i've spoken to the school and ds is going to go back in after lunch today so that he has a short day just to ease back into it and see if he makes it energy wise. i've got him bathed and in his school uniform so he's accepting of it. will give him a dose of calpol before he goes just to cover the temperature he keeps getting. school says there is tons going round at the minute but understood my concern that he's getting a bit too comfortable staying at home

if he's well enough he's supposed to be going to gp's tonight due to which i booked an appointment for tomorrow that i need to go to so fingers crossed he'll be cool with staying there and letting them take him to school.

that means i'm on my own tonight here but i will not be drinking.

Good morning :)

I am quite boingy this morning although I really shouldn't be. Christi, Bibbity, I was with you in the no sleep department last night. I've been sleeping really well but just couldn't get off last night. Although I wasn't fretting like I normally would be, just had too much energy (despite it being midnight...weird). Then DS was up around 3am for ages, then I couldn't get back to sleep because the windows and doors were rattling in the wind...blah blah blah. Anyway, at least I'm not hungover as well as knackered. Christi, you have so much going on at the moment it's not surprising you're not sleeping too well. Hopefully when things calm down for you you'll be able to switch off more. Has DH gone away yet? I hope the break is good for him, and of course for you too. Good luck with the speech tomorrow!! You must let us know how it goes.

Huey, I've just realised who Huey Morgan is! You're a lucky lady! :) Do you listen to him on Radio 6? I'm listening to his dulcet tones right now. He's just too cool for school Thanks for your post yesterday. I really do think I am reverting to toddler-like behaviour. I need rewards after doing stuff I don't want to do! Yet I feel guilty for doing anything except eating chocolate... Good luck with the job hunting. It sounds like you've had a horrendous year. Is your housing sorted? Hope so. You're doing brilliantly with the not drinking :)

Saf, Land, a yurt and a wood-burner! Oh yes! How wonderful would that be? That is part of my vision of Babeland (or was it Babesland), that Venus wrote about? One day, eh? :) Hope DS isn't too poorly today. Well done on getting to Day 2. Those early days are the hardest (says me on Day 25 sounding like I've got years under my belt :o). I really know what you mean about the need for self-care and needing to have the desire for it in the first place. Do you think it's all wrapped up in poor self-worth for you? I think it is for me. I've always looked after myself when I was pregnant and I think it was because I was doing it for someone else, but then after the pregnancies I didn't feel like I was worth it and would consider any time or energy focused on myself to be far too self-indulgent. I am trying to change this now. It sounds like you are too :) And I completely agree with what you said about a view/horizon being good for the soul. It helps to give me perspective and to lose some of the thoughts that just go round and round in my head.

HelpYourself, don't be too . It was really grey, windy and drizzly yesterday

Thurso ouch . Hope it clears soon :)

Faire how are you doing? Diet going well? How is the lovely Hose? :o

Mouse, if I was the praying type I would be praying right now that you are in less pain today. That procedure sounds horrific. I sooo hope it works. Hope Nemo is well. My DS has another cold. Stuff coming out of his eyes as well as his nose today. Lovely.

Theala how are you getting on? On target with the training? When do you find out about DH's job? Fingers crossed. Although every cloud has a silver lining. DH was made redundant last year (as well as the year before ) and whilst it was terrible at the time we have reassessed our lives and are in the process of making some really big, positive changes, which would never have happened if we hadn't gone through the trauma of the redundancy. Anyway I hope your DH gets good news.

Hippo thank you for not leaving me hanging re CBB . I still have some vices... Watching others drink really does put you off it yourself doesn't it? Those arguments/dramas/tears etc just wouldn't have happened if they'd all been drinking elderflower cordial would they? And I would have been with you and Denise knocking back another drink when others had realised they had had enough. I didn't realise Denise had been sober for two years before. Gosh, it makes you realise you can't be complacent about your sobriety (I mean I can't, obviously).

Anyhow, essay over. Sorry if I've missed anyone. Slowly, OneSunny, how are you doing? JWN, Venus, Isinde, hello! Hope all poorly people are better, tax returns done and dusted and that there is just lots of general boinginess today.

Have good days y'all. Today I will not be drinking :)

PS can you tell by the length of this that I'm procrastinating again??

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Still no better re the pain, have been to the doc to discuss reducing my morphine and he said not too. He said if there is no improvement then do not reduce anything. Day 3 tomorrow since it was done so fingers crossed.

I'm off to the gym to use the sauna and Jacuzzi in the hope that the heat will help.

GP also booked bloods, he thinks I may have an under active thyroid or am in the first stages of the menopause (as I thought) so we'll wait and see. I'm 24 days late, so have basically skipped a month. I'm normally 28-32 days.

My chest x-ray is back and they want to repeat it as the left lung was 'cloudy' on the left side.

Saf - you sound really positive re food and looking after yourself. Glad that DS is happy to try and go back to school. Well done on the not drinking too, you are doing great xx

Thurso - sorry that you are suffering, not nice at all. Hope you get some relief soon.

Sorry not to name check everyone, hoping that those Babes who are struggling and not feeling well, or who are missing out on sleep feel better soon.

Be back later xxxx

Ha ha SSSM I can but dream keep on with the rewarding. I have just ordered some new contact lenses as a reward for staying of the drink.

Regarding the housing, I do own a house was I am renting out, unfortunately my delightful tenants have decided not to pay rent for the last six months, so I have solicitors involved. I hope to move back when its all sorted.

Last year was horrendous, I was living with my ex partner who was abusive and suffering from bi polar depression. He decided to stop takimg his meds and was self medicating with booze and weed. He never told me he'd stopped taking the meds until a good while afterwards.

He was resentful of me as I had a good job and was the main earner, and up until meeting him I was a single mum with a busy life and very independent. We met through work and I knew him for five years before we got together. At first he kept his condition a secret and as far as everyone else was concerned he was the life and soul of the party ( as am I usually) Everyone said just how lucky I was and what a great couple we were.

At first it was great, he was on a mainic high for months, then the crushing lows kicked in. At first I thought I could manage it, but it became more and more difficult. He had real issues with control and I am a real fiesty burd when I want to be and still very independent. But I did love him and really wanted to make it work as our kids from our previous relationships were all together and we were trying to forge a family together.

As time went on he started becoming paranoid. Accusing me of having affairs with the letting agent handling my house (because his number was in my phone)and all manner of other things.

I suppose we were as bad as eachother in terms of drinking, caining the wine to try and get through a shitty day. Then the physical abuse started. Once it happened a second time I left him. moving back to my home town and taking DS with me. In revenge he told my employers that I had a drink problem, (I was using it as a crutch by this point and he knew that) an as the final nail in the coffin came to pick me up from work one night and secreted a bottle of Vodka in my office. He then later on phoned my employers and tipped them off to search the office. I was devastated. He span them a line that I could not cope and that I needed help. work were not supportive despite me working there for 10 years and gaining promotions in that time. I was dismissed with immediate effect. I have since got in touch with the union who reckoned that they have breached a duty of care to me. So i am taking them to industrial tribunal.

So no home, no job and my self respect in tatters, I hit the bottle BIG time.

But it does not solve problems, it creates problems as I have learnt to my cost.

So that is me new year new start and no booze. 2012 HAS TO BE BETTER!!

Thanks for sticking with me if you have got this far.

I am determined to get back on track for me and my lovely DS

I so glad i have met you lovely babes and your bus xx

mouse you're not up the duff are you?
No drinking last night meant no hangover this morning. Great. So why is the wine demon already calling to me?
I am so tired of all this

ma just tell it to fuck off.

Once you get a few days under your belt it will get easier. Just do today. Stay with us. If you don't want to drink, then don't let it make you. How is dh? Is he drinking today.

Huey wow that's quite a story. So unfair that your lost your job. I'm glad you're taking it further. What an arse your ex has been. You are doing brilliantly and will be back on your feet in no time.

Saf are the lighter evenings and mornings helping do you think? Good for you getting the healthy shop this week. I'm still sticking to mine. Don't want to tempt fate but I haven't had a cough or cold for months now and I'm sure it must be due, at least in part, to all the good stuff I'm eating. I work with 5 year olds and there is a lot going round again. Look out for child feeling hot to the touch but with a low temperature, and sore throat. Lots off with that at the moment.

Huey - wow what a grade A twat he sounds like - take it all the way with the Union - you can win on a technicality (even though you shouldn't need to) - if protocol wasn't followed to the letter - verbal warning, written warning etc they won't have a leg to stand on - maybe post in Employment on here and get some advice from qualified people in that area ...........

DM much brighter but no talk of being discharged yet (thank god - I have no idea how we would cope with caring for her if she was...)

We have had our allocation for free carers apparently and would have to now pay for professionals......

Hospice a possibility but seeing as she's in complete denial that she's dying I don't think the suggestion would go down too well ...............AAAAAARGH

Have the house to myself this evening for once - I think a roaring fire and trash TV are on the agenda

Love to all xxxxx

Ma - if only. I'd love to have another baby but it wouldn't be fair on any of us for so very many reasons

I'm with Faire - tell it to fuck the fuck off and when it get's there, fuck right off again. Sorry you're struggling, is tonight different for any particular reason?

Faire - how are things with you? I seem to have missed you all for ages, not really been able to support you all. I'm still drinking but not every night (never in the day) and I seem more in control than I've ever been. If I fancy a drink or two, then that's what I have.

If I don't, then tea it is. I've treated myself to Green Tea & Cranberry, along with Cinnamon & Cherry, both Twinings, it was on offer so I thought I'd try them. They do a Lemon & Ginger which I like too.

I get to 9pm and fancy something nice so have one of those or a low cal/no sugar instant hot chocolate. Then to bed with my Kindle. DH is a Kindle widow. Well, he's a pain med widow anyway. I just need to be selfish at the moment. We've been a bit picky of late with each other. Just one thing after another.....

Well, the gym was lovely, jacuzzi, then to the menthol sauna, then a cold shower and then the jacuzzi again. I managed to get half an hour of me time reading too.

Didn't help at all with the pain (the swelling and bruises are as bad as ever) but it lifted my mood which is always a good thing.

Thanks for the support babes, he is a total tossbag but you live and learn!

Thanks for the advice Silver will look into that! They are currently covering their arses by saying that drinking on duty constitutes Gross Misconduct. I wouldn't mind but I hate vodka [grins] but my union rep says I've got a case so gonna fight it all the way. Sounds like you've had a tough time recently! Familes eh, hope things settle down soon.

Waves manically at mouse helloo xx

Right I am off for a swim, never feel like a drink after exercise

Later xxx

Can they prove that you were drinking on duty - were you breathalised - if not they don't have a leg to stand on and you should take them to the cleaners

They only have his word and the (ahem) evidence, so no proof whatsoever, but apparently it contravenes their code of conduct. But unpicking it in the cold light of day errors have been made. They refused me an appeal because they reckoned that the paperwork didn't get there in time. My union rep reckons it should have been on record for a year and a referral to occupational health. So tribunal it is. I worked hard to get to where I was so I can't let them throw it away.

The bastard made sure he left me with nothing, I've got to fight back, I have DS to fight for. Will have a scoot on the employment boards. Enjoy your night to yourself Silver xx

Huey - What a twat. You don't need him, even in the dark, smaller hours of the night when you remember the good times, you don't need him, it sounds as though he manipulated you at times?.....

I've read your posts and they've struck a cord with me. Vodka was my weapon of choice too, my crutch, my blindfold, my ear-plugs. Vodka will always be my cushion.

I'm sorry to read your story, about your job etc.... you sound strong and determined to carry on fighting your corner.

You can do this, whatever this turns out to be but you're better of doing it with the support of some friends, like us. xx

Hello everyone. Struggling a bit tonight thinking a glass wouldn't hurt which is surprising. Will be four weeks tomorrow without booze. Time has actually flown.

Christi do you want to continue, to get to four weeks and beyond? If so, give it a bit of time for the craving to pass. Come and chat some more, or catch up on some jobs around the house. Half an hour or so and you may feel differently.

Huey it sounds like a right shoddy stitch up. But whatever the outcome, don't let it affect your sobriety. That is what's really important in the long run.

Silver my grandmother-in-law has had to go in an home because she keeps falling (she's in her 90s). She really did not want to go in but my FIL told her it was not forever, just until she's up to going home. She's happy with that and is loving it there. I think it's just the finality that made her resist it. If you can sugar-coat it for your mum, she might not be so scared about it. She might agree to go to the hospice for 'a week or so'. Once she's there, she will be glad of the care, I'm sure.

Mouse I'm feeling fine, thanks. Not had any cravings. The longer I go, the less I want it. (Same as sex apparently ). The diet's going well too. Just taking it one day at a time. It's like Silver said, something seems to have just 'clicked', something is different this time. Glad you enjoyed your time at the gym. Hope your bruising settles down soon and you can get some well deserved rest. x

fairenuff did some cooking and the craving has gone, thank goodness.

Just practised my speech. Must take it s-l-o-w-l-y.

huey that sounds horrendous. What a lot you've had to deal with

Well done Christi I'm sure you will be glad tomorrow, especially with the Big Speech. Hope it goes well for you. Remember to stand tall and proud and if all else fails, stick your chest out .

thanks Faire

Just had to do mad dash back to hospital because a 12 year old doctor gave my mum some news that sent her into a spin - her tumour might be bleeding, they might have to operate blah blah..........

she just needed someone with her and the nurse said she should never have been given that news on her own....................

I always used to say 'thank god we have the NHS'

Now i'm not so sympathetic

They fuck up left right and centre and it's not the people doing the front line work - the nurses - it's the system and lack of funding and their workers being knackered and overworked.

Arrrgh again tonight - so FRUSTRATED

The nurses looking after her are so bloody wonderful and caring and patient and giving.

But the system they have to work in just lets them down

rant over

fire gone out (the one in the fireplace!)

think I'll just go to bed

BUT shaking pom poms for all you BB'S who are doing so well

You are all FANTASTIC xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Huey I'm speechless. What a complete bastard . When you said you'd had a bad year you weren't exaggerating! You sound really strong and determined though. Good for you. Hope he gets what he deserves. Keep us posted won't you? Good luck with it all.

Silver you're sounding fab tonight! I hope you're feeling OK. Could you speak to someone at the hospice about your mum? See whether they could speak to her about a possible stay maybe? I'm sure they're used to people being in denial. And people don't just go in right at the end these days, they can be great for short stays where the patient can get their synonyms controlled and medication sorted. It must be so hard for you right now. Sounds like you're doing great though

Ma, has the craving passed?? It's so hard isn't it? The number of times I've been determined not to drink then found myself opening another bottle when I knew I shouldn't... Hope you're OK.

Mouse, I'm glad the gym lifted your spirits, even if it didn't help with the pain. Maybe tomorrow the injections will start to work? Hope so.

Christ well done for cooking through the craving!

Tonight I will be eating far too many Jaffa Cakes, but I will not be drinking

Cross-post Silver. Shit, your poor mum hearing that by herself. Bloody idiot doctor . It's so nice that you're there for your mum.

sss nah I gave in. Again. 3 glasses, and going to bed.
silver thinking of you.