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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AF - the check out the menz thread as promised!

184 replies

SantasStrapon · 23/12/2011 10:06

Firstly, I have only been on 2 dating sites for just over a week. These are the 5 men who I am talking to. All other unsuitable/disinterested advances blocked and deleted.

I have: Not used my real name; not volunteered any information, apart from what is on my profile, until they have; read all their profiles very carefully. My profile only states that I have 2 children, and am divorced with a good relationship with my ex. Nothing else about my family life.

Mr Finance - Director of finance company. has asked me for coffee next week. I have moved it back to after the New Year. Masses in common - we grew up in the same area and his ex comes from the same large village I grew up in. Very similar likes, very easy to talk to. Talks a lot about his children, who are similar ages to mine, has good relationship with ex wife. He makes me laugh.I'd stress that he has volunteered all this information first, and there is nothing in my profile that would enable him to 'fish' for this information on the internet. My only flag is that he is very keen and messages a lot. Gave me his number day before yesterday, I have not used it yet. Not exchanged email yet. Number 3 on the list.

Mr Planes - avionics engineer. Has also asked me for coffee next week, again I have rearranged for the New Year. Again, a lot in common, but not as much as Mr Finance. Comes across as very dependable and serious. I like him, and he is Number 4 on the list. Not exchanged phone number yet, or email.

Mr Snow - Owns construction company, makes ski slopes amongst other things. I really like him, he seems kind and funny and volunteered a lot of information about his life and his family. Masses of photos, of him but also ones he has taken of where he lives. Not exchanged numbers/emails. Messages long and chatty, messages at least once a day. Very similar interests and outlooks on life. Number 2 on list.

Mr A bit Mysterious - has no photo on his profile as he does not want to be identified. Know his name though. Hysterically funny, never married, good job in management. I know the least about this one, he is far more wary than the others. Lack of photo makes me Xmas Hmm but it is early days. Last on list for photo reasons.

Mr Army Officer - I have serious hots for this one. Again wary, divorced 2 years, talks a lot about his daughter. A lot of information on his profile, and a lot of photos. He comes across as very genuine and is very proud of his job. Well travelled, well educated, very much my type. Number 1 on list - I could do very bad things to him. Xmas Blush

Questions, critiques, and opinions sought, and very much appreciated.

OP posts:
BecauseImperfect · 23/12/2011 15:55

Going to be honest here.

An Army officer, has his open life on the net. He either isn't who he says he is. Or he isn't as clever as he makes out. Or you think he is. So be careful.

Many officers have DV clearance, I am talking blue service here, but it's the same for the Army, more so than ranks..

It's more information about what he likes doing, his family, that sort of thing. There's no information about where he lives apart from the name of the (large) city he lives in/near.

This is the exactly the information they tell you not to openly post when admitting you are in the forces in a rank of authority especially. Alongside pictures. It's really not hard for people who wanted to, to track him down.

It can expose your weaknesses, where you are, your family. It's a huge NO-NO. Considering he is an officer he should know better. Which would lead be to believe he is either full of shit, or not that bright or concerned about his own security and that of his family.

The very reason I see the forces sweethearts board on here, is shutting up shop for regulars. Mn seems to have been a bit Gung-ho with Facebook and the forum and when I viewed it the other day. People are leaving it.

Even typing anonymously with no pictures, people know they have to be very careful. Shame seems that it would have been a good forum.

SuePurblybiltbyElves · 23/12/2011 16:08

ooooo Stratters. I need to see them.

Pinot · 23/12/2011 16:09

Stratters if you're near me (Sussex) I can be there as support/security. I've done a St Johns First Aid course as well.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 23/12/2011 16:11

I don't want to piss on your chips. But ffs, how old are you? I take it you are paying to be on this 'dating' website full of such liars hotties. Hmm

Hullygully · 23/12/2011 16:11

Who does sex god lying scam army man look like?

Hullygully · 23/12/2011 16:12

Oi - UA, that is unfair. Lots of people meet online, four couples I know did, so it's not all nonsense. Why be so mean?

Pinot · 23/12/2011 16:15

UA I would agree with you but then we'd both be rude idiots.

MrGingleBells · 23/12/2011 16:17

Sarah, put your uniform fetish aside you naughty girl !

Mr Mysterious sounds like he'll end up revealing himself to be 5'2" with a face only his mother could love.... ( It's not me honest ! )

Mr Army Officer hmmm. Sounds dodgy. probably a junior accountant called Kieth who does the TA every month.

Mr Finance Sounds loaded but dull.... needy.

Mr Plane If he has his own plane I'd consider.

Mr Snow Sounds good. Could be useful around Christmas.

SantasStrapon · 23/12/2011 16:47

Pissing on ma chips Xmas Sad

I'm taking on board everything that's being said, particularly Mr Army one. I'm quite put off him now, everything that's been said here is not only true, but totally reasonable. So I shall be very, very wary about him.

Mr Finance does seem needy. That's exactly how I feel, and partly why I put off coffee. I want to see how things develop before I commit to even having coffee with him.

Mr Plane is nice. And also the nearest to me, so will be fairly easy to check out - someone I know is bound to know him.

Mr Snow I like very much.

Mr Mysterious really is an also ran. Purely because he is so mysterious. I don't like intrigue, he could have a perfectly valid reason for it, but it makes me Twitch

I know exactly what you mean UA but I, for example, find it incredibly difficult to meet new people because I live in a very rural, sparsely populated area that is full of inbreds. So I can give the benefit of doubt because I am in the same position.

And I am, actually, very eligible blows own trumpet.

OP posts:
Pinot · 23/12/2011 16:50

It's just nonsensical to think in this age that only morons or jailfodder use online matching services. FFS. It's completely normal and fine and the same rules apply as if you met someone in a bar or a coffee shop. You're a smart chick, you know that x

SuePurblybiltbyElves · 23/12/2011 16:53

Oh, everyone meets online now. Particularly in the sticks, how else can you meet people when you're too old for Young Farmers?

Pinot · 23/12/2011 16:53

oops sofrry forgot I was on MN and did a kiss

SantasStrapon · 23/12/2011 16:56

God, if you could see what's on offer up here you understand exactly why online dating exists. I could have ample flings with web footed married farmers, but that's not exactly rocking my boat.

Think it's only fair to add that Mr Army is on a site particularly for forces, etc.

OP posts:
HoudiniHissy · 23/12/2011 16:58

Serves up brand spanking new, hot-from-the-fryer chips for MsStrapon.

As long as you take the necessary precautions, just do what you feel you are happy to do!

make sure you let people know where you are, do daytime coffees if poss in busy places for the beginning.

Get yourself a PAYG phone and use that as your dating number just in case of psychos.

I've been on a site for a week (free actually) and have had one coffee (VERY NICE chap) and am having conversations with a couple of really lovely sounding men. Christmas will get massively in the way of meeting up, so I'm happy to talk for now and see how things are in the New Year. Ought to get a 2nd date with the nice coffee guy too then though Grin

Mr Mystery, for me shrieks MARRIED. I'd not bother with him at all if I were you.

AnyFuckerForBreastorLeg · 23/12/2011 16:58

ok, I have chosen my your menz

I like Mr Snow

Mr Finance and Mr Army sound like bullshitters

Remember Deirdre with her pilot ??? Think on....

Mr Snow sounds more normal and like he would be down to earth and fit

But then, my DH is in the consruction industry so I am kinda biased Xmas Smile

SuePurblybiltbyElves · 23/12/2011 16:59

Poor Deirdre. It didn't end well for her. Ever.

AnyFuckerForBreastorLeg · 23/12/2011 17:00

Deirdre is a cautionary tale, that is for sure

LadyBeagleBaublesAndBells · 23/12/2011 17:01

For me too Sarah, I'm also in the middle of nowhere and if I was looking I'd do the same as you.
I did join a site about a year after my seperation, and I got a few responses from some perfectly ok blokes, but I then realised I CBA.

MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe · 23/12/2011 17:01

Mr Army BUT ONLY IF HE PROMISES TO WEAR THE UNIFORM Grin

SantasStrapon · 23/12/2011 17:03

Thank you AF, I am starting to think that Mr Snow really is the front runner. What about Mr Planes?

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForBreastorLeg · 23/12/2011 17:04

Mr Army's only uniform is the Asda Tabard

believe me

AnyFuckerForBreastorLeg · 23/12/2011 17:05

Mr Planes is a bit meh

Maybe worth a latte on a tuesday afternoon < shrug >

TracyK · 23/12/2011 17:06

But surely Mr Mysterious could quite easily put up a fake picture if he wanted to look good. Maybe he's just a bit wary of the whole thing. I wouldn't dismiss him too quickly.
The only thing that put me off the whole thing is an episode from Chase. A peodo sourced single mums and then got cosy with them for a couple of months and then fiddled with the daughters.

ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 23/12/2011 17:06

I met DH on match.com, 6 years and 2 dc's later and he is still my dream man.

My advice, and I went on lots of dates Blush is provided they meet your standards, meet them in person sooner rather than later. I don't mean the next day, but if you wait ages you may invest a lot of time in someone you think is great only to meet them and know within 30secs there is no chemistry.

Oh and don't confine yourself to one at a time until you know you have met someone special, spread yourself around - so to speak Grin Wink

ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 23/12/2011 17:09

Oh and no photo could mean policeman/army personnel etc