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Original poster

Am I being paranoid?

145 replies

Sophiebites · 21/12/2011 11:15

So I have started dating someone, a few months and all was going well until yesterday.

I have just found out that he is still in constant touch (daily) with his ex who from what I know behaved very badly to him and he has always said he would never go back to.

I looked at his phone (I know I know I know) they text constantly, very flirty, he wnats to meet, she isn't sure and he doesn't push it, they talk for an hour at a time on the phone? loads of x's and babes etc etc, sometimes he just says hows your day babe, what you up to.

What does this look like?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sophiebites · 21/12/2011 19:23

edit to add he sounded like he he loved her, everythig I bought up
that she did he laughed at, she is a bit of a one etc

Time for dominoes on a big scale

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 21/12/2011 19:26

It sounds as though he will regret it. You need to be amongst your real friends now and start to make plans for your life without him. Better this happened now rather than if you went on to be married or have a child together.

McQueasy · 21/12/2011 19:28

Dump him after he gives you your chrimbo pressie then keep his!! That'll learn him Xmas Grin

PeppermintParsonsNose · 21/12/2011 19:32

I'm sorry about the call ie what he said, but at least you know for sure. They do sound as if neither was over the other. Chalk it up to experience and as said, thank every angel in heaven you don't have children with the feckless idiot.

Original poster
Sophiebites · 21/12/2011 19:41

thanks pepper,yeah if she called he wd go over in a heartbeat for all the name calling, ho hum

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 21/12/2011 19:49

I recommend wine,complex carbs,cheesy DVD,and get all pals to confirm they never liked him anyhoo

Original poster
Sophiebites · 21/12/2011 19:52

scottish thanks

its just massive ego blow reallyand that my instinct and everyone else was right

gutting that he prefer nutjob to me

OP posts:
BecauseImperfect · 21/12/2011 19:54

You don't know she is a nut job. You know what he told you she is.

You only know what he is not her. You anger needs to be deflected at him. Delete and block first though so you can't contact him.

scottishmummy · 21/12/2011 19:56

some geezer blokes just love flaky burds
clearly he likes all drama
but yes it's rotten to have trust abused,but on other hand you have good instinct which correctly got you snooping
so pat on back trust your intuition
and happy Xmas with. your pals and family

izzywhizzysmincepies · 21/12/2011 20:06

You heard it here first and now you've heard it from the horse's mouth there's not a lot more to be said, is there?

Be thankful that you only invested a short time in a no-hoper. Of course your ego's taken a hammering and a retune of your twat radar would seem to be in order so that you can see them coming rather than going.

Try as we might we can't win 'em all and, from what you've said, this one would be an insult as a booby prize so losing him is a win-win situation for you.

Get yourself out there and strut your stuff, gal, 'cos there's no shortage of honourable guys to choose from.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas and a bright New Year, and here's hoping that your next pick of the bunch knows the value of a woman like you Wine

corriefan · 21/12/2011 20:08

You sound lovely and like you can't understand why he would choose a 'psycho' and heartache over a good stable woman. It doesn't make sense at all, it never will. Some people enjoy the unprdeictability and pain, the emotional roller coaster. Be glad you're not one and go find yourself a man with more depth. Well done for being the dumper and not hanging around for scraps until the bitter end.

openerofjars · 21/12/2011 20:29

Wow, he is a piece of work, isn't he? Lucky escape, truly: there are women who post on here twenty years down the line, who sadly didn't see through the bullshit in time or who tried to live with it, only to watch the man they gave their best years to walk out or cheat on them. Sad

Better by far to cut your losses now than walk that road, once you've seen him for what he is.

Original poster
Sophiebites · 29/12/2011 18:23

He has just texted, says he realises he has made a mistake, I'm not sure what to do, I know she is away for NY now and I wonder if he just wants me back now as she is not here?

Are men that devious or could he have realised the grass isn't greener

OP posts:
ISayHolmes · 29/12/2011 18:30

I would not reply to that message. He's missing having you in his life but that doesn't mean he's stopped contacting her and that his feelings for her are gone. I think you'd be walking back into the same situation if you answered and got caught up with him again. He royally stuffed things up and would probably have slept with her if given the chance. He's a prat and you've done the right thing- as hard as it may be now there are men out there not infatuated with their ex whose focus will be on you and wanting to build a life together.

ThierryHenryismyBoyfriend · 29/12/2011 18:31

He's just lonely and as soon as she's back he'll be back to texting and flirting with her. He doesn't just stop loving or fancying her in the space of a week.

Stay strong you're worth more than that so stay clear........

Leverette · 29/12/2011 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OnemorningXmasCockMonkey · 29/12/2011 18:44

I've just seen this thread in active convos - Sophie, don't text him, he's an absolute tool. You are worth so much more.

Original poster
Sophiebites · 29/12/2011 18:47

Thanks for answering, I am sure they are still in contact but maybe I hope he realises that we were pretty good, clutching at straws a bit and want to think that really, she is away untill the first week of January so aghh but I know from what I have seen she is refusing to meet for a good long while anyway?

OP posts:
BearWith · 29/12/2011 18:49

FFS! Don't text him, just ban him from your life til you have the perspective to realize what a knob he really is. Your self esteem sounds like it's on the floor right now. Don't let him use that weakness as an opportunity for a quick shag while the woman he is really into is away for the holidays. Strewth! You know he'll drop you like a hot brick as soon as shes back.
What a cockface. Hmm

Original poster
Sophiebites · 29/12/2011 18:49

you guys are so lovely, just seen the other messages, I am trying to convince myself I think that he doesn't have feelings for her anymore apart from friendship but doubts hence here again

He is actually a lovely guy in all other respects but her

OP posts:
Original poster
Sophiebites · 29/12/2011 18:50

Thierry I can cope with fancying as she is beautiful I suppose but not love, if he loved her I would cut him off

OP posts:
BearWith · 29/12/2011 18:52

A lovely guy is all other respects? Pfft, I doubt that very much to be honest. Seriously, cut your losses love, you can't make someone love you if they are still stuck on someone else. Don't go by what he says, just look at his behaviour, which is that of a wanker. Really.

NettleTea · 29/12/2011 18:57

yes they CAN be that devious. AND he has been that devious too - remember all the flirty texts, the trying to meet up, the fancying bit.

She is always going to be the fly in your ointment, and it wont be good to be with someone knowing that if the object of his desire said jump, he'd be off like a shot.

Maybe she lost interest because you broke it off - she doesnt want him unless he is with someone else - then she has to prove to herself that she's 'better' by getting the banter on.

Either way he is not over her emotionally or he would not be engaging in this silly stuff. He knows its hurtful, and its just SO obvious to coincide with her being away. Until she is out of his system he isnt going to be good boyfriend material for anyone.

Xales · 29/12/2011 19:00

You are only a few months into a relationship with this man and he is already asking other women to meet him and telling you that he still fancies them.

You can cope with him fancying her...

Can you cope with him asking her to meet up (which he has already done and why) even if she says no?

Can you cope with him meeting up with her if she says yes?

Where do you draw the line? Can they have sex because he fancies her if he doesn't love her?

The only reason they haven't met is because she said no, not because he is not interested. He would be off to meet her quicker than a rat up a drain pipe if she said yes. I would be my bottom dollar he wouldn't be telling you either just like he didn't tell you about the constant contact or him wanting to see her...

Please keep your dignity and respect and don't let this man make a complete muppet out of you!

tribpot · 29/12/2011 19:02

I am trying to convince myself I think that he doesn't have feelings for her anymore apart from friendship

Why, when that's so clearly not true? Cut him loose - if he does come back and does have a reasonable explanation, fine, but I don't think he will.

Remember, it's not about her, it's about him and his treatment of you. You seem to have fixated on her and his feelings about her, and how he can possibly like her when she's a psycho and you're not. Who cares what he thinks about her - he's shown you no respect. So show him the door.

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