Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I being paranoid?

145 replies

Sophiebites · 21/12/2011 11:15

So I have started dating someone, a few months and all was going well until yesterday.

I have just found out that he is still in constant touch (daily) with his ex who from what I know behaved very badly to him and he has always said he would never go back to.

I looked at his phone (I know I know I know) they text constantly, very flirty, he wnats to meet, she isn't sure and he doesn't push it, they talk for an hour at a time on the phone? loads of x's and babes etc etc, sometimes he just says hows your day babe, what you up to.

What does this look like?

OP posts:
elesbells · 21/12/2011 12:53

awww sorry you are going through this. But the writings on the wall i'm afraid..

He talks to his ex for an hour at a time...

Hundreds of texts that he's keeping...

But worst of all..

HE HAS DENIED YOU EXIST...and that right there is a sign..

I really think you need to value yourself more...you deserve much more respect than that. get rid...and fast...xx

scottishmummy · 21/12/2011 12:53

if you don't chuck him you're a mug Sophie
and he will know so
these geezer boys get away with it because women put up with it.don't be a geezer boys girlfriend.

when you thought of stable nice relationship,did you envisage this?a man who denies dating you and has 2 women on go

sometimes in life you get what you settle for,don't settle for this crap with that man

spanna41 · 21/12/2011 12:54

LEAVE HIM! he's stringing you along - so what if ex is stunning - re-read your posts about his texts to ex!!!!!
Are you really at a loss? This man is a liar. Get away from him. You've been seeing him for a few months, in a lifetime that is nothing, stop wasting your time on him

Original poster
Sophiebites · 21/12/2011 12:57

Thanks all, I am a bit gutted but its as clear as anything to me and to you lot by the sounds of it that he is not over her at all, else why want to be in touch

I also guess if she said yes to meeting they would get back together and I would be history

OP posts:
mummakaz · 21/12/2011 12:59

I agree with elesbells if he was wanting nothing from her other then friendship he would have admitted to her you existed. Sorry I personally think he is wanting to get back with her and if it wasn't for her saying no to meeting up I reckon they would have shagged by now....sorry op I would get rid

CalamityKate · 21/12/2011 13:04

He's still smitten.

He then got quite angry and said she was trying to string him along but he would never fall for it and thats what she is like, keeps guys hanging on and she probably has a couple of boyfriends anyway

Almost forgot who he was talking to then, didn't he? Hmm

The fact he got angry and said those things, but then went on to defend her, speaks volumes.

Get rid.

MsLillyBeth · 21/12/2011 13:04

This sounds bad Sophie, I?d be worried :(. He sounds like he wants to get back with his ex and the only reason it?s not happened is because she?s not keen?yet, and I would bet that the moment she says yes to him he?ll drop you like a hot potato. The fact he tells her he isn?t involved with anyone should tell you everything you need to know about his intentions and how he really feels about you! I can see no reason why any reasonable person would want to keep in touch with an ex at this level of frequency, let alone be so flirty and up for taking them to dinner. Does he speak to any other ?friends? as often and with the same tone or is it just her?

My advice would be to be prepared for the worst. You can either be proactive and confront him - and no, you?re not being paranoid, he?s showing some very odd behaviour for someone who is involved with you, so don?t let him fob you off with BS. Or sit it out, knowing that he?s just biding his time with her and be prepared to be dumped. He may say he?s over her but his actions say otherwise and actions speak louder than words. Much as I?d love to say ?dump him? I know how hard that is when you feel for someone, so I won?t, but I do think you should have it out with him. I hope you haven?t spent too much on his Christmas present!

?she asked for a picture of him when he was doing some charity thing, he said you can take one in person? she said lets see if we can get on well for a while and not ruin it?
It sounds like she?s toying with the idea of getting together provided he can be well behaved for a while, and I bet that once they meet up it will rekindle their relationship.

Original poster
Sophiebites · 21/12/2011 13:10

CalamityKate what do you mean?

OP posts:
CalamityKate · 21/12/2011 13:28

I mean, that if he were totally over her, he'd have been calm, not angry.

He certainly wouldn't have got cross about it during a phone conversation with you.

It's like he forgot he was talking to you, and started a mini-rant as if he were talking to a mate or something.

februarybaby · 21/12/2011 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sophiebites · 21/12/2011 13:39

They are going to get back together arn't they?.

She cleared out their joint bank account and he forgave her, he forgave her when she dated his best mate (I'm sure just to annoy him) and he forgave her when she hacked his facebook account, jsut laughs about it all now

He gets shirty with me if I leave the top off the milk

Thanks everyone, got him azazon voucher for xmas, may keep it and lick my wounds, doesn't seem much point carrying on now with him even for a xmas present

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 21/12/2011 13:40

oh tosh February,only have cheat boyfriend account ex is bitch.and well he would say that wouldn't he

"bitch" is word some men apply to women who won't do. what the man wants
and frankly he would paint ex as bitch to new gf Sophie,classic splitting.and boo hoo he's the good guy

certainly Sophie needs to get shot of geezer boy,cut her losses

scottishmummy · 21/12/2011 13:41

o'er in face of new evidence,I is wrong seems ex is a bit of a girl

scottishmummy · 21/12/2011 13:47

februarybaby,you're bang on the money, and satc ref too

Original poster
Sophiebites · 21/12/2011 13:52

No normal man would forgive all those things I think, its one of the reasons I never thought they would get back together as she was so nutty/cow/awful

Now he dismisses all of them and shrugs

I'm out with some dignity

OP posts:
izzywhizzysmincepies · 21/12/2011 13:55

If she clicks her fingers he'll go running and you won't be 'history', honey, because you don't even figure in his here and now.

Walk away with your head held high and if you've been silly kind enough to buy this loser a gift, get a refund on his Christmas present and spend it on yourself because you're worth it - and he's a worthless twat.

Original poster
Sophiebites · 21/12/2011 13:58

Sigh I am guessing that now, this is the girl he called bat sh!t bipolar loony tune stalker a few months ago

seems a few calls and texts and she's now his friend hopefully more

men are such @@@@@@@@@'s

OP posts:
izzywhizzysmincepies · 21/12/2011 13:59

crosspost as mumsnet went offline for a few minutes!

Use that Amazon voucher for yourself and take some consolation from knowing that your Christmas will be a lot merrier than his.

squeakytoy · 21/12/2011 14:07

Forget her. Look at his behaviour towards you. If he was so keen on you, he wouldn't be texting her, talking about her, or getting angry with you. He denies you exist to her, surely that tells you how little you mean to him! Walk away or you will get walked all over.

izzywhizzysmincepies · 21/12/2011 14:09

Funny how these amateur psychiatrists get fixated on their 'patients'. For professionals it usually works the other way round.

For future reference, if anyone vehemently sounds off about their ex it's generally an indication that they have unresoved 'ishoos' that they are likely to bring into a new relationshp.

Original poster
Sophiebites · 21/12/2011 14:13

thanks, in black and white it all looks quite damning

I don't think either of them have moved on really

I am an idiot to have tried to even explain it away

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 21/12/2011 14:17

hang on, I never read that part - the one where he denies he has you as his gf to the ex?! WTF?

Ditch him now, leave with dignity and spend the amazon voucher on yourself.

He's not for you.

tallwivglasses · 21/12/2011 14:22

Oi, you're NOT an idiot - you're nice, which is why you can't imagine how anyone could behave like such a dick!

I was wondering what he'd say if you asked him how often they texted/spoken on the phone? I'd put money on him lying...

Original poster
Sophiebites · 21/12/2011 14:26

I haven't dumped him yet, hasn't sunk in completely will do it tonight when at home

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 21/12/2011 14:27

you've got good intuition knowing something was wrong
dust self down,and put it down as bad experience
and don't date geezer boys

Swipe left for the next trending thread