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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've just sent a message asking where I stand, hold my hand while I wait for a reply!

127 replies

eeekarghscared · 18/12/2011 19:15

Background is that an old friend and ex boyfriend of mine has recently finished with his girlfriend and got back in touch. We've seen each other 3 times now and slept together on two of those. Friday night he held me all night and didn't want to leave the next day but I had plans so he had to. Today he was busy so didn't hear from him all day but texted him to ask how his day had been and whether he wanted to see me later and all I got back was "have a darts match tonight x"

Sent a couple more messages and got similarly short answers.

So sent this:
I'm not looking to go straight into a full on relationship with you, I think you need time first and if we do start seeing each other we need to take it slowly. But I do still have feelings for you so you need to be honest about what you want from me and not mess me around. I don't want to be hurt by you again and I need to know where I stand. Right now you are giving me mixed messages and it's confusing me X

I shouldn't have sent it should I? Fuck.

OP posts:
Original poster
eeekarghscared · 18/12/2011 19:19

please hold my hand, distract me, tell me i'm an idiot, anything, please

OP posts:
MrsWembley · 18/12/2011 19:21

You're an idiot!Grin

It's a scary thing to be, hey.Smile

KellyKettle · 18/12/2011 19:22

I probably wouldn't have text him but I also know how hard it is when you like someone and get mixed messages.

How long was his with his ex?

KellyKettle · 18/12/2011 19:22
zookeeper · 18/12/2011 19:23

hmm sorry but i don't see any mixed messages there - he doesn't seem that into you. Maybe it's just too soon for him to start a relationship with you.

MangoMonster · 18/12/2011 19:23

Holding your hand. Why is he an ex? Sounds like you're reading quite a lot into his text messages... He might just be busy tonight?

itsstartingtofeelalotlikexmas · 18/12/2011 19:24

Good for you
Better to let him know how you feel
Now put phone away and forget about it until he texts
If he doesn't it's his loss

KellyKettle · 18/12/2011 19:25

Thats true, my female friends tend to send lengthier messages than my male friends.

Could you be over thinking this?

mistressploppy · 18/12/2011 19:25

I probably agree with zookeeper but either way you won't have changed the path of things by texting what you did, so some comfort there.

Do you have Wine? You can have some of mine if not

piellabakewell · 18/12/2011 19:25

Ummm...I wouldn't have.

But it's done now, so don't beat yourself up about it.

katkitya · 18/12/2011 19:26

Where you tipsy? Please, no more!! I've been there its horrible to sound needy. Most blokes don't do texting the way we do and I think "I'm going to darts" is fine. Saying I will come around later for a shag, is not so, be thankfull. Now, hide your phone or, turn it off!

zookeeper · 18/12/2011 19:27

Yes I think it's a good thing you texted; at least he will know how you feel.

ImperialBlether · 18/12/2011 19:27

Why did you two finish earlier?

akaemmafrost · 18/12/2011 19:27

Honestly? That last message you sent would have sent me running for the hills, if i were him. I wouldn't know how to reply to it, so probably wouldn't. For goodness sake do NOT text him again.

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 18/12/2011 19:28

Why on earth did you do that? That is a conversation to be had face to face. You big dafty.

EricNordmanfirandMistletoe · 18/12/2011 19:28

Wait til you see him in person and have a conversation. It is really impossible to do big stuff properly over text.

natashakaplinkyplop · 18/12/2011 19:28

Put your phone on silent and go and have a bath or shower.

Do not take your phone into the bathroom with you.

Good luck.

zookeeper · 18/12/2011 19:28

... feel like texting him myself now Grin "you don't know me but ...."

MangoMonster · 18/12/2011 19:30

I think it's ok to be up front with an ex who has messed you about in the past. So don't worry too much.

Ilovepigs · 18/12/2011 19:30

He will think you are a bunny boiler now. DO NOT text him anymore.

MangoMonster · 18/12/2011 19:31

Agree it's better to do it face to face

coccyx · 18/12/2011 19:32

Wow, you are a bit full on and sound desperate. I don't see any mixed messages, he is allowed a night out by himself surely

SaggyHairyArse · 18/12/2011 19:32

What's done is done (but you asking him what his plans were and him saying he has a darts match with a kiss doesn't sound like anything to have worried about, he had plans Confused)

In future, if you want to chat, just call. Sending texts back and forwards can be a bit tiresome.

Anyway, he will now know how you feel now and you will know one way or the other. Don't text him again about it though! The ball is now in his court Wink

shinyblackgrape · 18/12/2011 19:34

Agree with Natasha - go and have a bath. Take sim out if the phone if needs be! Also, is it worth phoning (no mire texting!) and saying you were a liiiittllleeee bit heavy with the message and just to ignore. You and he can pick up face to face. you could leave a message if he doesn't pick up.

katkitya · 18/12/2011 19:35

You will be inviting him over to "talk" next!!! Don't over analyse his messages. He's just being to the point. Keep yourself occupied so you dont dwell on it. Pop to a friends or something and leave your phone at home!!

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