I've just sent a message asking where I stand, hold my hand while I wait for a reply!

[eeekarghscared]

Background is that an old friend and ex boyfriend of mine has recently finished with his girlfriend and got back in touch. We've seen each other 3 times now and slept together on two of those. Friday night he held me all night and didn't want to leave the next day but I had plans so he had to. Today he was busy so didn't hear from him all day but texted him to ask how his day had been and whether he wanted to see me later and all I got back was "have a darts match tonight x"

Sent a couple more messages and got similarly short answers.

So sent this:
I'm not looking to go straight into a full on relationship with you, I think you need time first and if we do start seeing each other we need to take it slowly. But I do still have feelings for you so you need to be honest about what you want from me and not mess me around. I don't want to be hurt by you again and I need to know where I stand. Right now you are giving me mixed messages and it's confusing me X

I shouldn't have sent it should I? Fuck.

AF I guess he does maybe. I dunno though, I was so besotted with him before that I couldn't see any further than that really.

He's just sent me another message saying he doesn't want to lose me and he hopes we can be friends no matter what.

that's just him trying to keep his options open isn't it?

yes

Oh god, don't be friends with him.

his ego knows no bounds...

I don't think I can be friends with him, before he came round the other night I was determined that I was going to tell him he'd had his chance with me and that nothing was going to happen and a few pretty words and my resolve melted.

He affects me like noone ever has before, and while that makes it harder to walk away in some respects, I'm not stupid and I know that a relationship like that isn't healthy so it also gives me more reason to walk away.

And besides which he doesn't deserve my friendship

Friends is how men 'push through; to something else. I think you would be wise to move on completly. It will take a few months but you'll forget him. Go multiple dating :)

dead right he doesn't

go you !

Aww I'm sorry OP. What a git.

Like AF said earlier, we've all been there, and it can feel rotten.

The best thing you can do now is dust yourself off and not contact him. Do some nice things for yourself - arrange a night out with your girlfriends, buy yourself a treat, read a good book.

Do not give him any more opportunities to lie to you and ride roughshod over your feelings. Because it sounds like he will given half a chance. 'Don't want to lose you' indeed!

be strong, and enjoy christmas. enjoy knowing you aren't letting him play with your feelings any longer. if you listn to the nice bits, you will end up back in his bed, and you'll break your heart more.

Thanks everyone, I was doing fine without him before and I will again. I just need to forget that the last few weeks happened and then I have nothing to even get over

I'm away over xmas which will help, and it will be easier to not make contact having had a break.

In a way this will maybe get rid of some of the what ifs and maybe this time I'll be able to properly get over him

moooove on
he's a chancer,and he's lining you up as safe shag
face it you've been here before with him-if you two were so good you'd still be together.fact you arent speaks volumes

you deserve a nice guy not labouring some lost relationship.he knows your besotted and is playing you

go forth meet a nice man

what sm said

I like you OP, and you will be fine.

have a good break over xmas, and forget about him

he's just a bloke

nothing very special at all

He's not very nice, is he? The best possible interpretation of his behaviour is that he prefers to tell people what they want to hear rather than the truth, but that's not, actually, a very nice way to behave. More likely interpretations are he tells you what you want to hear because he wants a fallback shag/ he likes having women madly in love with him.
The bottom line is that he is Not That Into You. And he isn't going to change his mind. He's either not interested in a longterm committed relationship, or not interested in having one with you, so you need to cut him off and move on.

Move on from what?

Nice man hmm, don't seem to be many of those round these parts. I did get asked out yesterday though, he was nice but a bit 'tim tim nice but dim'...

I don't think that it is a case of him not being into you OP more that he isn't into anyone - apart from himself.

I think you have thought what anyone would have thought if they accepted what he said to you as true, and have acted appropriately. Not whingy or clingy at all.

Please allow me a little rant about the fact that I have a FECKING LOVEBITE ON MY TIT. I was annoyed about it before as haven't had a lovebite since I was about 15 but now I am really annoyed! Territory marking tosser.

it will fade

just like him...

Oh no, a lovebite!!! Says it all really.

Well done you, he's a player. I've been there it's not nice but you got over him once, it'll be easier this time.

Good luck and enjoy Chrimbo

There was fuck all wrong with your text. You have history, he was prattling on about being in love with you and you wanted to know where you stand. You now know and its shit when you feel played, but that has to be better than having not said anything and a few months of booty calls later, find out then. Best you can do is learn from it (pretty words are just that) and focus on a great christmas, with a brilliant 2012 git free ahead!

I've been played, plenty :(

Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different :)

Look to the future.

I'm feeling quite positive And am now off to bed.

Sleep well

The sleep of the deserving

You have nothing to remonstrate with yourself for x

Him ? Not so much...

I wish a plague of the Restless Legs upon him

Well, I'd put a different spin on what's happened here.

I think either he rekindled things with his ex-girlfriend in the past 48 hours, or he met someone new. It's not as if he started backing off after the OP sent her text - he'd already started doing that beforehand.

Put some distance between you now OP. You've done nothing to reproach yourself about and you've maybe learnt something about yourself now, in that you felt too deeply about this man to ever be able to conduct a casual relationship with him. Don't let him into your life a third time though.

Got sent a pity text this morning... 'this is so hard for me because I have such strong feelings for you but I just need to sort myself out and not go straight into another relationship. My head is still too messed up and if we got together now it wouldn't work and if we get together it has to be because we have a future. I'm not going to mess you around so you're right sleeping together can't happen until I know exactly what I want. I just hate being on my own though'

I read that as poor me poor me, shag me or I'll find someone else to shag.